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AIBU?

To have wondered how to answer my Niece?!

217 replies

forwhatyouare · 20/10/2018 22:25

She's 7.

We were talking about Christmas and one of the things I said was to remember her Mummy works hard to get her all these presents. She was quick to protect that Santa brought them. I said he does indeed, but Mummy pays for the elves to make the presents and then she pays for the delivery.

She said "Why does she do that? Can't she get them herself from town? And that way I can choose what wrapping paper I actually want? "

Kids, eh?!

SIL now a bit peeved that I've said Santa doesn't pay and give presents from magical kindness. Oops.

OP posts:
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GreenTulips · 21/10/2018 09:44

It can't be just that Santa can get anything, regardless of cost


otherwise how do you explain why some children get lots more from FC than other children?

This is why Santa brings token gifts in a stocking not the whole lot.

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Lovemusic33 · 21/10/2018 09:48

I always told my children that I pay for the presents but I understand that others don’t. My kids asked too many questions and telling them this seemed to get around most of them, the ‘why do some kids not get much for christmas?’ And the ‘can I have a £500 games console?’.

I wouldn’t tell anyone else’s child this though as I respect that people tell their kids different things.

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Bluntness100 · 21/10/2018 09:51

Gosh what an odd thread. Op, you seem very over invested in what kids think about Santa. You deal with yours, let others deal with theirs. It's not all about you and what you believed or what you think is the best story for kids. You sound like you're itching to tell your niece he's not real.

Grow up.

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Whisky2014 · 21/10/2018 09:55

Having been a child myself once, i remember the conversations at school after the holidays and we would all discuss what we got from Santa. It didn't cross any of our minds as to why some people got X and some people got Y because we didn't understand the value of money or poverty or being rich. And the fact that we thought the presents are made by santas elves...theres no money involved!!
So again, its adult mentality ruining it.

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TheFishInThePot · 21/10/2018 09:55

Why the hell has there been parent to Santa transactions brought in?That's not magical at all! That's just the parents wanting glory which is absolutely pathetic.

Or far more likely because children ask for things you can't afford. How else do you keep within budget when your child is telling you "it's ok we can just ask Santa for that (£100+) Lego set in the Smyths catalogue."

If someone had the conversation with my child that the OP had with her niece I'd struggle to get worked up about that.

7/8 is a perfectly normal age to work it out, it's not the end of childhood it's just moving on from being a little kid.

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Whisky2014 · 21/10/2018 09:58

"The elves must have ran out of time to make that for you but look, you got (insert item here)."

It's not hard!

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ballsdeep · 21/10/2018 10:02

That's not a nice thing to do. Why comment? I'd be pissed off too. She's seven and the magic of Santa will only last a few more years (if that?) You sound really smug.

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Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/10/2018 10:03

I've never once heard of parents having to pay Santa. Where's the magic in that?! The OP's neice is right - it would be easier to just order from Argos.

Never discuss Santa with other people's DC.

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HashTagLil · 21/10/2018 10:03

I was always told the same... Mummy paid, Santa just delivers and gets the toys made at the North Pole


We tell our DCs the same, but wouldn't tell that to their friends or other children.

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Gettingbackonmyfeet · 21/10/2018 10:06

I'm sorry to pile on but this would make me incandescently angry, my eldest ds is 5 and has extra needs and the magic of Santa is unbelievably important to him

I know he will realise and I've carefully planned how to deal with that, I entirely understand that other kids may tell him but I'd be furious if a stupid adult thought they knew better and twittered on blowing something that brings him joy and peace after going through his parents divorcing and his extra needs and a bloody whole host of issues.

Don't ever ever comment on this with kids your opinion is wholly irrelevant to anyone else's children

I truly hope on some level you are ashamed of yourself

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TheFishInThePot · 21/10/2018 10:16

"The elves must have ran out of time to make that for you but look, you got (insert item here)."

It's not hard!

Oh God that's worse you were overlooked. You spent a good couple of months believing it was possible you would get what you want, and then on Christmas day it turns out the elves couldn't squeeze you in.

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Oysterbabe · 21/10/2018 10:18

It didn't cross any of our minds as to why some people got X and some people got Y because we didn't understand the value of money or poverty or being rich. And the fact that we thought the presents are made by santas elves...theres no money involved!!

Exactly this.

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Oysterbabe · 21/10/2018 10:22

Also my parents made it clear that, while there were things that I wanted, Father Christmas chose what he wanted to give me and to be thankful for whatever it was.

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Pasithea · 21/10/2018 10:27

Santa was never a big thing in our house so never a problem you got what people could afford and where happy.

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MonoClue · 21/10/2018 10:36

My youngest DD was the same age as OP’s niece. It was the first time their father had them for Christmas. As they walked in the front door their stepmother took them to one side and said “Don’t say anything to X (younger half sister 5) about Father Christmas not being real. She still believes in him”. My oldest DD was about 12 and spent all Christmas Eve consoling her; youngest was heartbroken.
Come the morning they woke up to no stockings and their presents consisted of an outfit to wear that day (3 matching pink skirts and jumpers that they hated and were quite happy to be told to change out of to come home as they were to be kept at their dad’s house). Their sister on the other hand had a huge pile of stuff.
My youngest is 21 now and still talks about that day sadly she calls it “the day my childhood was ripped from me”.

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TheFishInThePot · 21/10/2018 10:40

This is the problem with trying to drag the Father Christmas thing out right through Junior School and denying the truth when children are clocking on and questioning it, they get to an age where one individual thing they want could be twice your whole budget, some of my friends kids have had bloody iphones for Christmas and still claim to believe in Santa. You can't keep the monetary value separate from FC if you're asking people to never tarnish your child's belief in the magic even when they're old enough to want the expensive gadgets their friends have.
The idea of being naive to value and wealth isn't compatible with wanting DC to believe in Santa an extra 3 or 4 years and the way children are wanting to be so teched up now.

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Biancadelriosback · 21/10/2018 10:44

Santa brings one main present, the rest are from mummy and daddy. That's how it'll work in our house. I grew up thinking santa got everything and I was always miffed that my own parents didn't get me anything, but they would get all my other relatives presents, and I'd get them something! All my friends got some presents from mum and dad too so I felt really disheartened that my own parents didn't give me a Christmas present. I've spent my adult years apologising to them as I can only imagine the slap in the face for them when in reality they had spent so much money, time and effort on making Christmas magical for me.

I would be really annoyed if someone told my DC I had to pay Santa to bring them presents, takes away the incentive to be good and get on the nice list! Mummy can just bribe the big man anyways so I can behave how I want.

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trancepants · 21/10/2018 10:46

I think seven-year-olds should start to feel gratitude, they are bad enough at eight, without them not realising what Adults contribute.

I specifically don't want my son to feel gratitude to me on Christmas morning. He's thoughtful and grateful enough all the time. He sees what I do for him and knows he can't do as much for me which makes him feel sad and inadequate sometimes. He is desperately sad on my birthday that he can't give me a gift that measures up to what I give him for his. I want his Christmas morning to be free of that stress. Santa does that. I want to give to him and give 100% of the credit to a myth. But you know, if you give with joy, children learn to give with joy. It never occurred to my parents to give to us on Christmas with the expectation of gratitude. They just gave with joy and as an adult I'm in awe at that pure expression of love and want nothing more than to make that same expression to my son.

Someone coming along all po-faced and telling my son what he should and shouldn't be feeling is a massive over-step of their role in his life. In fact, if I tried to do that it would be an over-step of my role. His feelings are his own. And gratitude that someone has been lectured/shamed into being supposed to feel isn't genuine. And compelled gratitude is worthless compared to gratitude that has been genuinely realised.

I would feel as though I had let my child down, in terms of understanding how the World works and what shit lives/poverty a lot of people have, at that age. Critical thinking should be encouraged from a young age.

Hahahaha! I'd think I'd let my kid down if he grew up to have this little understanding of cause and effect, empathy and just the very basics of reality. Fwiw, I believed in Santa until I was 11.5 and grew up to be a super sceptical atheist, involved in investigative journalism in my early 20s and broke a very important news story involving war crimes related to the middle east. In my mid-20s I moved into international development, then domestic poverty alleviation through my late 20s. I now work in education research, working on ways to ensure that children can meet the standards set by the curriculum without negatively impacting on how they play and use their imagination. Because a the growing body of evidence shows just how very detrimental it is to have that part of your childhood ended too early.* I'm also not a complete arsehole who tries to make others feel like shit for their most innocent parenting choices. Smile

*I'm not implying there is anything wrong with not believing in Santa. It's not any sort of essential myth and it's fine to stop believing early/never believe and doesn't mean a child doesn't have a healthy imagination of their own. But equally, there is nothing wrong with a child continuing that suspension of disbelief right through to the preteens if they choose to.

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corythatwas · 21/10/2018 10:53

100% agree with what trancepants said about joy and gratitude. No surer way to ensure your children grow up ungrateful and unhappy about giving than constantly ramming gratitude down their throats.

Nice that the SIL was so gracious about the whole thing, though. But please stop now telling the 7yo how grateful he has to be.

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catsinstrangeplaces · 21/10/2018 11:19

I think people that do all the presents from Santa are odd.
I asked a friends kid if she liked the present I bought her for Christmas and she said I didn't buy her it Santa did.
I asked her mum and she said they do every gift from Santa, he delivers them all.
Madness!

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GreenTulips · 21/10/2018 11:26

catsinstrangeplaces

DH family does it that way as well, his mother was horrified that the kids had gifts under the tree from aunts and grandparents, friends etc.

Makes no sence.

Santa brings a few thoughtful gifts.

Parents and family bring the rest.

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trancepants · 21/10/2018 11:30

*Slightly off topic, but I’m puzzled by parents who say that ALL the presents are from Santa.
Presumably their children don’t write any thank you letters then? Bit of a bummer for all the relatives who actually sent them! *

Doesn't that usually mean all the presents received on Christmas morning? My DS is asking Santa for two gifts. I have bought him those, 3 surprises, some books and stocking contents. Those will all be from Santa and will be what he receives under the tree on Christmas morning. Everything he gets from relatives will be given in person as he sees them later on Christmas day or over the next few days. When there is a relative that he can't see over Christmas and they have sent a gift, I do what I can to arrange to Skype/Facetime that relative and give him their gift then. That way they can see him open the gift and he can thank them 'in person.'

I know some people do, do the whole everything from everyone was actually from Santa, but I think that's pretty rare and most people mean that everything the child gets on Christmas morning (bought by their parents) is from Santa.

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cl61reb · 21/10/2018 11:33

Our DD still believed at 10!!! Always stay clear of Santa discussions with anyone else's kids.

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forwhatyouare · 21/10/2018 11:34

I truly hope on some level you are ashamed of yourself

Oh bloody hell. No I'm not ashamed of myself. Don't be so ridiculous.

OP posts:
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ItWasntMeItWasIm · 21/10/2018 11:49

I truly hope on some level you are ashamed of yourself

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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