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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed

258 replies

Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 20:52

I know im probably abu

Dd(4)has asked to start an additional dance class in a different style, the sat class doesn't fit with the timings of her current dance class so theyve offered her a midweek class

Ils have said they wont take her as they have commitments with dn in the week with her clubs and its too much

I respect its their time and decision bit i can't help feeling a bit annoyed as it just feels so one sided because

Its not a long term commitment as in 2 terms dds current class time will change and the sat class will fit

We rarely ask for weekend childcare but dn is there every weekend

Its 14 miles round trip to dance dns school is a 60 mile round trip with clubs

Both pils drive so if theres occasional clashes it could still be done

It just feels so unfair that dd has to miss out

Aibu to feel miffed

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 21/10/2018 09:31

OP your attitude baffles me
Your ILs don't have to be fair or offer to do anything. It's nice if they do but they really don't have to. Your expectation is weird.

If you can't sort out the timings (you can't do it, they don't want to) then she can't do the class yet. She will have to wait until she can.
She is 4, she will be fine. She may want to do it but you can explain and she will have to learn. You can't always do everything you want when you want.... she will be able to do it but will have to wait for a bit - she is lucky and may even learn a little bit about patience.

Your 4 yo is not the centre of the world. She is special to you, I get that and I'm sure she loves her classes but if she really loves them she can wait and so can you.

Juells · 21/10/2018 09:34

weve not mentioned it since nor have we mentioned that they in our eyes could assist but are chosing not to.

muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha broken record.

It'd be interesting to know why the OP was NC with her own family.

ChimesAtMidnight · 21/10/2018 09:34

This is either a wind up, or the op is the four year old.
AIBU ?
Yes you are.
No I'm not.
Yes you are.
No I'm not.
Oh yes you are !
Oh no I'm not !

Stamp foot; stamp foot; stamp foot.

MarthasGinYard · 21/10/2018 09:35

You sound like you watch for every little thing their other GC might get that yours doesn't.

Grim

Eventually your dc will pick up on this

Just facilitate your own dc activities and at 4 she won't 'notice' unless you harp on about it.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 09:38

I know it's there choice but i can not understand whu they would be willing to do something for one gc and not the other

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 21/10/2018 09:41

I know it's there choice but i can not understand whu they would be willing to do something for one gc and not the other

It’s not about the activity. It’s the fact it’s an addition to what they already do for you.

Are you always so catastrophically lacking in introspection?

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 09:41

Because they don’t want to.

It really is a simple as that.

If you get this wound up about fuck all your life must be so difficult.

LikeIcare · 21/10/2018 09:42

Jesus Christ it doesn't matter and they don't have to justify anything to do. Get over it.

tinytemper66 · 21/10/2018 09:44

Where is DN's mum in all this? Is she not on the scene?

BluePheasant · 21/10/2018 09:47

So like thousands of other children, she will have to miss that particular activity because her parents work. Such is life. She gets to do one dance class a week, that’s a lot more than a lot of 4 years get. Think you need to get some perspective here.

InstagramPork · 21/10/2018 09:48

I know it's there choice but i can not understand whu they would be willing to do something for one gc and not the other

Because they already do so much!!! Maybe they feel they’ve already committed to too much and they can’t renage on what they’ve already agreed to but they can say no to any further commitments.

What is so difficult to understand about that?

You sound like an absolute nightmare. They do tons for you, they’ve said no to any additional. You’re stamping your little foot whining how it’s unfair. It’s pathetic. Get a grip woman!

AhNowTed · 21/10/2018 09:58

If my DIL, rather than being GRATEFUL for the childcare I already provide, started to EXPECT more, that would be the end of the free childcare.

MrsStrowman · 21/10/2018 10:02

Gosh you are hard work. They can't do that evening as they've already committed to taking DN to rainbows or whatever it is and dint want to be back and forth to to different places in one evening. I'm sure if it was on a free evening they'd help. Also your four year old dies ballet, tap and drama on one day? You sound like a pushy stage school mum. There is no way your daughter will work out GPs won't take her unless you tell them. You just tell her , we looked into that extra class but it doesn't fit in on Saturdays, and Saturdays are your dancing days. In a couple of months it will and if you still want to do it you can start then. It won't hurt your daughter to know she can't have everything she wants as soon as she wants it. If not find paid childcare willing to take your child to the class. Your PIL do enough already and you come across as very entitled, ungrateful and unveiling to consider someone else's perspective.

bubbles108 · 21/10/2018 10:02

I know it's there choice but i can not understand whu they would be willing to do something for one gc and not the other

Fuck me .....YOU ARE HARD WORK

Here's a thought

Maybe they don't like your entitled expectations and they are backing off because of this?

Maybe they find you waaaaaaay too much and don't know how to tell you

Maybe ALL this is your fault?

But there is a huge positive, here

You're not my DIL

God is good

SoupDragon · 21/10/2018 10:05

If my DC asked to do something that I couldn't get them to, I simply explained they couldn't do it. I didn't expect anyone else to do it for me.

Topseyt · 21/10/2018 10:24

My 16 year old DD3 just asked this morning if she could do something later that we cannot reasonably be expected to do. We spend a lot of time facilitating her extra curricular activities every week, and this week was particularly busy.

The answer was no and will remain no. We need some downtime too. I have said I will facilitate her later in the week. Perhaps the grandparents have just reached that point too.

Of course my DD wasn't best pleased and is in a strop with me, but she is still a teenager. She will survive.

You are behaving like that. Don't.

TheClaws · 21/10/2018 10:36

Grandparents are people too, OP.

Please try and remember this. They have their own lives. Lives that involve grandchildren, yes, but also travel, housework, hobbies, friends, pets, gardening, shopping, health concerns, etc ...

They don’t exist just for you.

Notacluewhatthisis · 21/10/2018 10:39

They aren't offering because they don't have infinite time or energy. They have made commitments. You or your dh could apply for flexible working. You could change YOUR schedule.

Or you could tell your dd that she must wait. Pp had a point when the posted the below.

you’ve not addressedwhyyour daughter can’t wait to start the classes when you can fit it in your schedule.

I suspect it's because you just don't want her to. But also you feel it gives you a chance to through a tantrum over how the ils and play the victim card.

m0therofdragons · 21/10/2018 11:30

God, my mil can be hard work but I want to call her and tell her I bloody love her! We live a distance from family so dc have a week with gps in the summer and one other holiday period while Dh and I work. I always assume we'll pay for childcare but am forever grateful when gps offer to have my dds. Yes it saves money but I love the relationship they're building with the dc. Family means a lot to me. Your attitude is so far from mine I just cannot get my head round it and your refusal to hear other opinions says a lot more about you.

SilverLining10 · 21/10/2018 12:01

I feel for the poor GP's here who seem to be doing alot for their GC.

And then you get people like the OP feel miffed because the GP dare to say no. This is your child so YOU make the arrangements. They dont owe it to you even if they had the time to do it. How entitled are you.

toherdoor · 21/10/2018 12:42

Three days a week isn't minimal assistance.

TheStopAndChat · 21/10/2018 13:29

Thestop _ dn wouldn't be giving anything up ive explained that in the thread
My mistake. You said dn does clubs on the days she's with the GPs and then specifically said they have 2 cars. I took that to mean you wanted them to change their plans.

Your dd is 4. She doesn't NEED to be doing additional classes so why not just wait until you can get her in at a time that suits you better? Why the entitled attitude? I don't understand piling on additional work for your ILs so you can push your 4yr old into another dance class.

FrancisCrawford · 21/10/2018 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissContrary · 21/10/2018 14:07

They already have a commitment that same evening running dn about and its too much to also run your dd around. It's not rocket science. It's nothing to do with being unfair it's life. The same happens when parents have to run more than one kid to clubs, sometimes it's too much so one gets told no.

If its so important rearrange your own schedule so YOUR life is more stressful than necessary and take her yourself.

Or do the obvious thing and wait two months....

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 14:53

you’ve not addressedwhyyour daughter can’t wait to start the classes when you can fit it in your schedule.

She can i just resent my dd being treated so differently

OP posts: