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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy ds1 a games console for Christmas

333 replies

caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 12:50

Ds1 will be nearly 12 at christmas but we are still holding out on this. My reason being - I do not want to live in a family where the kids are glued to computer games and I do not trust them to limit themselves to a sensible amount of game time (learned from experience of having a Wii). Ds1 thinks I am BU and has just gone and slammed a door about it. Apparently EVERYONE else in the world has Fortnite. It has got to the point now where he is saying he can't have friends round because there is 'nothing to do that they will like'. To clarify: we have a drum kit, a pool table and a garden to play in so I don't buy this at all, I think he is being spoilt. He has a tablet and a mobile phone but they have screen limits on them. I know he is never going to stop asking. AIBU.

OP posts:
TaggieRR · 20/10/2018 12:52

Your choice obviously however as far as I’m aware all of my ds’s Friends have some sort of console ps/Xbox and they do all play fortnite

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/10/2018 12:53

Do you not remember being a child yourself? There has always been "must haves" for children, in this day and age it's games consoles. If you want to limit time on it you set it up in your main TV room and tell him when he can and can't go on it.

Personally I think YABU because times change.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 12:54

yep unreasonable. my 6 year old is getting one, I know everyone is different but i do think at 12 to not have one games console it abit sad.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 12:54

is*

TaggieRR · 20/10/2018 12:55

To clarify I think on balance YABU

MatildaTheCat · 20/10/2018 12:56

He’s going to feel left out and resentful if you refuse. He could probably save up and buy one soon if he wanted to- would you allow that?

Kokeshi123 · 20/10/2018 12:57

Your house, your rules.

RedSkyLastNight · 20/10/2018 12:57

If all his friends have consoles, then a lot of socialising will be done via them. So by denying to buy him one, he's missing out on both the actual gaming, the social side, and the talking about it at school.

If you don't want him glued to it all the time and already impose screen limits, I can't see a problem? Plus, if he doesn't have a console he'll just end up glued to his phone or tablet (if he's of that mentality) which I struggle to see is any better?

Aprilislonggone · 20/10/2018 12:58

You risk jeopardising his friendships imo.

Mummaluelae · 20/10/2018 12:59

Growing up when me and my bro wanted a console for xmas and we didnt get one, we was dissapoinyed, next year xmas we got one, been t an older model. We was pleased but not too impressed.
My D's has a Wii and is allowed to play on our Xbox when we are.
Times are changing. Think if evrryone had something you didn't (especially when younger)

Weebitawks · 20/10/2018 13:01

We got Ds 7 a console last Christmas for some of the reasons you list...all his friends had them and actually when they came here they were shocked we didn’t have one.

Basically DS never plays on it and now when he has friends they just want to play on it and DS is bored

Original poster
caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 13:01

We do have a Wii (an ancient one), genuinely though I do not think any of my kids would do anything else if we had a games console. When the Wii is on they argue, get whingy and it honestly seems to cause more trouble than it is worth.

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lifecouldbeadream · 20/10/2018 13:02

I get where you are coming from, but part of childhood is fitting in. My DS doesn’t have a new style console and it has caused some fitting in issues for him. He would spend all day playing if he could, but that’s up to us to restrict. So he will be getting a console this year so he has more in common to talk about with his friends.

WereWolfcub · 20/10/2018 13:03

I’m buying my ds one for his birthday (12th) for the reasons redsky outlines. I hate them but he is being excluded from conversations and from out of school socialisation because it’s all his friends do. Strict limits will be imposed though

MotheringShites · 20/10/2018 13:04

At 12 I do think pretty much everyone will have a console of some description and PP are right that a lot of after school socialising is done via them.

Perhaps your DS is a bit embarrassed.

FluffyMcCloud · 20/10/2018 13:05

My mum thought TV was awful and we weren’t going to be one of those families glued to the telly. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV. All my friends did and much of the conversations revolved around TV programmes. No one came to my house after school coz we couldn’t watch TV. I still now find myself left out of those “nostalgia” conversations cos I didn’t watch Grange Hill or Cities of Gold.
I think YABU. Being able to be a part of a friendship group and current trends is huge. I’m still a bit grumpy at my mum and I’m over 40 😂

Exochorda · 20/10/2018 13:08

I do not think any of my kids would do anything else if we had a games console.
That's why it's up to you to set limits. You are the parent and you are allowed to ration the use of a console.

Original poster
caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 13:09

There is clearly a consensus that I am BU. I do get that it depends on your child. I know kids who have them who do actually seem able to switch them off. I just know that mine won't. My middle son is 9 and I actually think he would be fine because he has a lot of other interests, but ds1 is obsessive (as am I), he honestly would forget to eat if he had unrestricted screen time and having something else to police just feels like it would cause more arguments. He is very immature in other ways too.

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HoraceWimpIsThisYourLife · 20/10/2018 13:11

I know how you feel about a console, I feel the same and have held back.
We do have a laptop that ds can play fortnite on though as he was feeling really left out. Would that be an option?

ifiwasabutterfly · 20/10/2018 13:11

In all honesty I am confused as to how you expect him and his friends to play with a drum kit? A pool table yes and footie in the garden maybe (do you have goals?)

He is probably correct in that all his friends are likely to have consoles.

seventhgonickname · 20/10/2018 13:11

Is it just boys getting games consoles?

Original poster
caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 13:12

Fluffy I don't mind them watching telly. I think there is lots to be learned from telly, even stuff like Strictly which we watch as a family and they like Jamie Johnson etc. Don't kids talk about telly any more?? I think that's possibly depressed me even more.

OP posts:
Chelseajunior · 20/10/2018 13:13

Definitely BU I'm afraid

ifiwasabutterfly · 20/10/2018 13:14

From my experience they talk about Netflix yes

Original poster
caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 13:15

Oh yes and he does play on the computer sometimes - Garage Band, which he loves and I have no problem with.

I am starting to wonder whether I should just get one but not as a gift, because I don't like the idea of putting restrictions on gifts.

OP posts: