To not buy ds1 a games console for Christmas

[caitlinohara]

Ds1 will be nearly 12 at christmas but we are still holding out on this. My reason being - I do not want to live in a family where the kids are glued to computer games and I do not trust them to limit themselves to a sensible amount of game time (learned from experience of having a Wii). Ds1 thinks I am BU and has just gone and slammed a door about it. Apparently EVERYONE else in the world has Fortnite. It has got to the point now where he is saying he can't have friends round because there is 'nothing to do that they will like'. To clarify: we have a drum kit, a pool table and a garden to play in so I don't buy this at all, I think he is being spoilt. He has a tablet and a mobile phone but they have screen limits on them. I know he is never going to stop asking. AIBU.

We have a gaming laptop (which cost about £600 a few years ago) which has Fortnite installed on it. We don't give our 12 year old the password so we have to log him on for an hour in the evenings and a bit longer at weekends.
This may be a more controllable option for you.
I think you need to be a bit more reasonable while he's at an age that you can reason with him or risk having much more serious ding dongs when he is a few years older.

YANBU! Hold out as long as possible. I see games consoles as the work as the devil! Hate fortnite. Have 3 kids, 2 teen boys. I frequently take the controller as they cannot manage their time on it. Drives me insane. I don't buy the "i am the only one in the whole school who doesn't have x/y/z" My kids have phones, not allowed in their rooms overnight. I hate the way technology impacts on family life.

Plaid - I think it's hard to understand when you don't have a child like that so i am probably simplifying things TBH, although DS2 is autistic so by nature is quite obsessive however he is also obsessive about following set times and rules also so that works in our favour when it comes to gaming

Fortnite is fun! It has even stolen my attention from Bake Off

Let him have the console, he'll be thrilled. I don't understand the thing about not restricting a gift? It's normal for people to gift their dc's consoles and then restrict time on them. Don't get too caught up in arbitrary rules. I'm sure he'd far rather have the console with a time limit than none at all.

I think YABU . I am totally onside with not always getting the newest gadget and indeed expecting DC to wait to see whether that is really what they want. However, by 12 a console is an absolutely normal plaything-in the way that Lego , bikes and craft things are. Every child plays on them and discusses the games at school.more than that they socialise through them. I think you are depriving him of a shared experience albeit for the best of motives.
You can make rules. Every house is different.At our house we only have one television and so what ever activity ( games or tv watching)is going on has to be a shared pursuit and suitable for age. It worked for us. Now we only have one teenager left and he has moved on from games consoles to closeting himself away on the computer ( upstairs) or watching his laptop somewhat mutely in our company while we watch the television. You are his parents and can set the boundaries. It doesn't have to be a battleground.

We have a family one in the living room. Tbh only ds 13 plays it. I'd never let him have it in his room as he would play it constantly. I hate the bloody thing and the way it changes his behaviour even though we limit it to an hour a day.

I would get it if it's in budget. I don't get the hysteria. I played games after school and most of the time as a teen. My kids do too. As long as they work hard at school then they ca relax how they want to. Also it beats hanging round the street.

@FluffyMcCloud same! I never got to watch friends and everyone else did

Gosh. My first discussion of the day!
Thanks to everyone for their replies.

I think a lot of people have deliberately misread my posts though and assumed we are some sort of weird Amish family who only allow toys if they are made out of wood, and I have explained more than once that ds1 has several other gadgets including an iPhone and that my main objection to a console was that it was yet another battleground.

But I do totally take the point that he must feel left out and I don't want that either.

I like the idea of being able to control it from your phone, whoever mentioned that. Is that actually possible or is it witchcraft?

oswald he does jacksh*t around the house and takes no interest in the actual world. But yes he is ok at school, doesn't get into trouble.

I’m with you OP.
Gaming isn’t “socialising”, it’s the opposite.
DCs seem to have survived and they have plenty of friends too.

PS If he's slamming doors to get his own way, then no

Yanbu.
Your ds1 sounds very similar to my ds1 (nearly 9). He is also very obsessive and its draining. We restrict the ipad, youtube/bbc iplayer on TV, and our ancient wii with age appropriate games and I know the PS4 will be a bigger battle which I cannot bear to face. He gets to play on the ps4 at his cousin's house down the road every weekend for a couple of hours so it's something.

We have had a couple of major strops over the past year about a ps4 or xbox. I spoke to my SIL (who is a teacher and head of year 11s) for advice and she strongly suggested we delay it as long as we can, describing how so many bright kids have failed because of addiction to gaming, the changes in their personality, lack of concentration in lessons etc. We sat DS1 and talked to him about it and he really understood why we are not getting it yet. However at 12 though, it might be difficult to say no so may have to give in.

Hmmm I personally think yabu- your the adult, you can set screen time limits and enforce them.
12 is fairly old to not have a games console tbh I think.

As for the age recommendations on games (or films) I would have a play on it myself first and decide for myself 😁
But then DH and I occasionally indulge in an evening of gaming together, not as much now we have kids though sadly. Lol.

Meh. Anyone who grew up in the 90s and early 2000s will remember having games consoles, surely. They were far bigger then than they are now. We all survived. You cannot expect kids to live in a family without technology - they are a part of the tech generation. It's inevitable. It is everywhere. You are fighting a losing battle, and, frankly, kids who are not allowed these things have a far more difficult time managing their time when they do get their hands on them, than those who have been allowed access and no longer view them as a novelty.

I would agree with him that the majority of his friends likely have consoles and likely turn to that for fun.

My boy is 9 and plays fortnite with his friends. You can definitely impose screen limits. One if his friends is allowed to play half an hour during the week and an hour on weekends. So it can work fine! I know lots of parents who restrict screen time and it works. One has two internet lines. One for the kids which shuts off by 8pm and one for the adults. The kids are great, they know others may have more time but they still get to enjoy things with their friends and don't feel left out.
Last year my daughter joined year 7. Everyone had a phone and were socialising and talking about things. One of her friends didn't. It was the one thing she wanted most and everyone felt sorry for her and she felt it. He parents caved in eventually. I think if you impose rules and say this is how it is it can work. But it's really hard not having something everyone has and is talking about. As someone suggested he could perhaps earn it by doing chores or more work etc... it would be his best Xmas if you bought it for him.
We got it for my son's birthday. We first gave him a game ....which he opened...and then said....but I haven't got anything to play it on...upon which....

Totally agog at this thread. I guess this is a very privileged slice of society but the idea of a parent being 'unreasonable' to not spend hundreds of pounds on a games console is unbelievable. The fact people can't comprehend a child not having a games console seems extremely narrow minded to me.

OP, YANBU.

Not being unreasonable. We don’t have one and I don’t plan on getting one either.like you, I don’t think anything else would get done and it causes a lot of problems.

Oh god, another one of those threads where parents tries to bring up their children in the 19th Century, just so they can appear better than everyone else.

Of course you are being unreasonable, this is 2018. Its abnormal to not play games on a console. I bet they are bullied at school. They wont thank you when they spend the rest of their lives in therapy.

I feel your pain - I buy my kids gadgets and then spend my whole life policing them & ranting about how they are destroying their brains and that they should be reading books, and have no-one but myself to blame.

At least with a console you can just turn the internet off! Seriously, I can't tell you what to do, I've given in and regret it for the hassle factor but not for the fitting in / socialising factor if that makes sense. The weirdest thing is this weekend they have all played together (unheard of) on the incredibly ancient and dusty wii and had a great time! There can be positives 

None of my kids has been bullied for not having a console. They have been busy with other things. My youngest, like OP’s, is very obsessive. If he knows he has TV time later, he sits and stares at the clock waiting for it, unable to focus or settle on anything else. A console would add to this.
And OP, I wouldn’t let a younger child play fortnite. My teens play and I have, but not suitablele for primary children.

Its abnormal to not play games on a console. I bet they are bullied at school. They wont thank you when they spend the rest of their lives in therapy.

REST OF THEIR LIVES IN THERAPY FOR NOT HAVING A GAMES CONSOLE?!? Is this entire thread a fucking wind up? I seriously cannot believe what I am reading. What kind of entitled bullshit is this??? Omg this is all so over privileged I could cry.

By the way, describing kids without a games console as 'abnormal' and justifying bullying is disgusting. You sound like a bully yourself.