To not buy ds1 a games console for Christmas

[caitlinohara]

Ds1 will be nearly 12 at christmas but we are still holding out on this. My reason being - I do not want to live in a family where the kids are glued to computer games and I do not trust them to limit themselves to a sensible amount of game time (learned from experience of having a Wii). Ds1 thinks I am BU and has just gone and slammed a door about it. Apparently EVERYONE else in the world has Fortnite. It has got to the point now where he is saying he can't have friends round because there is 'nothing to do that they will like'. To clarify: we have a drum kit, a pool table and a garden to play in so I don't buy this at all, I think he is being spoilt. He has a tablet and a mobile phone but they have screen limits on them. I know he is never going to stop asking. AIBU.

Jamie Johnson - that's on cbbc isnt it? That is not why I would be expecting secondary age kids to be talking about if I'm honest.

YABU this is how this age group networks

My DS when he was 12 had a games console, and yes he would be on it all the time if he could. It was up to us to let him go on it for certain periods of time only. He used to play with his friends online, and talk to them.

We also got him into air cadets which he loved, he spent two nights a week, many weekends and full weeks in the school holidays at cadets. It would be a good idea to get your son into some sort of group, cadets, scouts or some kind of sports.

To be honest you should let him have a console else he will be left out and I don't know any boys my sons age who didn't play on one when they were 12.

The PS4 can be switched off from your mobile phone we don't have to do that but it is useful

To be honest, I think YABU. My DS is 7, he's a lovely boy, not just me being biased, he really is, but struggled to find his place at school and was often on the fringes of things. I encouraged football at first and he started to fit in better and got him a Nintendo switch for his birthday in the summer.

He does play Fortnite and now between the football and the gaming, he's suddenly found his place, he has common ground, he fits right in and he's never been happier.

I know it's not all about following the crowd, but things that make your DC different, do make life difficult for them.

I'm with you - my nearly 11 year old doesn't have one or a phone. He has an iPad but that's it. YANBU

Not buying one as a gift in order to put restrictions on use is pretty weird. If you are going to buy one just be absolutely clear that usage will be restricted and that’s the deal.

You are making this harder than you need to. Lots of children can’t self regulate screen time and need boundaries. Just be the adult and yes, there will be arguments which is annoying but that’s life with dc.

YABU.....he will be left out of conversations at school, playing on line with his friends etc
It’s up to you as the parent to monitor use and set the ground rules
(If it helps we just flick off the WiFi sometimes = game over!) 😁

An iPad or computer is sufficient at aged 12. Most video games kids actually play are 16/18+ and incredibly violent so having a console isn’t necessary until they’ve reached that age. A good gaming computer would be a better idea as it then has multiple uses. As someone who was once ‘addicted to gaming’ I have been through so many consoles I’ve lost count and honestly it was all a waste of time. Ended up selling them and the games in the end and stopped playing them when I was 16. YANBU. Why sit on your arse doing nothing all day when you could be out in the world learning things or making real life friendships. It’s your kid you decide. If he feels he could go and earn the money to get one himself or use his Christmas money then that’s up to him

Yes I think YABU, my DS is 9 and plays on his dads PlayStation. He speaks to his friends and his uncle through the headset so it is a big social thing for them. It has meant he has a closer bond with family friends children because logistically we only really get to see them at parties and school
Holidays now with after school clubs and a busy life however for an hour while I sort dinner if he's done his jobs he can go online, chat to his friends and catch up and I can sort dinner in peace!

It can be addictive but I think if you impose fair rules to start with kids are pretty good to be fair! Like I said DS generally can have an hour a day (which I find is a decent amount of time to go on set up the game have a good 40 minutes of game then wind down to come off, that's if he's done homework, tidy bedroom/clothes put away and anything else I may ask like recycling or something. Generally he'll do the house stuff, go outside for half an hour or so and then go on the PlayStation about 5ish and like I said I start cooking so it gets him out my hair for a bit and I can get on with what I need to. When he goes on we check the time and he knows he has that hour.

At weekends it's perhaps a little more depends how busy we are, sometimes he won't go on at all, sometimes if we have a lazy day he'll do a couple of hours.

I know some families that allow weekends only, some on certain days etc.

My DS is at Uni now and he works at a Supermarket part time goes to Uni and has done really well in the first two years, and one night a week goes to games club where they all play on consoles and one night goes to board game club. He also goes out to eat with his house mates and friends from his course. So he still does gaming amongst many other things. Not so much into drinking and nightclubbing, but has had a girlfriend for 3 years who also games with him.

He isn't just sat in his room glued to a console now he is an adult I say that loosely .

Get a games console so he can fit in with his friends but with a 12 year olds homework/study, reading, physical activities, chores, eating together as a family, playing out with friends etc his free time to spend on it should be naturally limited to a reasonable amount.

If he is spending too much time on the console then you don't restrict him so it becomes more attractive, you make encourage him to do other things instead.

Yabu. Also it's up to you to regulate how long he'll use it until he's old enough to manage himself so that shouldn't be a problem unless you let it be.

I think you are bu, it's the way of the world these days ,and you are making him be isolated from modern culture

I know how you feel , I have a 17 year old DB, 10yo DB and DS age 6.

17yo and 10yo are absolutely addicted to gaming and spent probably 50% of day on either PS4, PC or Tablet/Phone but this is because it's not managed well by my DM and not enough boundaries are put in place.

My DS (6) has a PS4 that's actually my DHs. He's allowed on it Friday and Saturdays (2hours each day max). Yes he throws a tantrum and goes crazy but the more you stick to the rules the easier it gets.

I agree DC will miss out if not given one by the time they're 9/10/11. Particularly boys. That's all they talk about at school, they use headsets to communicate with each other whilst gaming etc. Even my DH grew up gaming and now plays his FIFA every couple weeks with his mates online.

Fortnite is hugely addictive and DS has been asking to play also but I am not allowing it obviously due to age restrictions. I can imagine everyone's talking about it at school and your DS is feeling left out. That feeling is horrible at that age and kids can be mean.

I also know boys spend time with others depending on who has the latest console/games. If your DS doesn't have one at all, he must feel hugely left out.

I would say YABU.

When I read the title I thought your son was going to be 5/6 not 12! He is in high school and most likely the only child without a games console. My 7 year old is getting a ps4 for Christmas. I'm sure if you monitored his playing time he would be fine with a console.

So you restrict his screen time then not hard, yes yabu.

The reason you'd put restrictions on the gift is because of your concerns that he would spend far too much time on it otherwise, I don't know why you're making it more complicated.

Look, I sympathize. Ours are younger but DH and I decided we're not doing consoles, IPads etc until probably 11/12. I think at that age though you do risk leaving them isolated because the vast majority of their friends will have them meaning dc who don't are going to feel excluded socially.

Your DS is 12 so surely you can have a sensible conversation with him and come to an agreement (written if you like!) around usage? This is something you can do before you get the console (no you won't be ruining the surprise if he knows what he's getting).

To those of you with younger children - would you allow them to play Fortnite even though it's a 12? I have a 6yo and and a 9yo.

We have a console but DD (9yo) isn't hugely interested, however she will watch manga cartoons until her eyes bleed . Not sure how well this will work for a 12yo but DD earns TV time. So she gets one marble, worth 15mins, for doing other more wholesome things. I don't nag or remind her, but she knows that watching her manga cartoons is something that is earned. She mostly earns her time but getting a marble for every 15mins she spends reading (this is a chore to her!). It's a good incentive, isn't about money but still gives a reward.

I don't know much about consoles but what has been helpful for us is putting parental software on our iPads and DD's Kindle Fire. It means it just goes off when she's reached her limit. Plus DD can read on her Kindle at night and it goes off at 8:30pm and won't turn on again until she gets home from school the next day! Not sure if there's something similar for consoles but it's taken the nagging and shouting out of it, she knows her timings and when it's off, it's off (or she earns more time).

We've taken Fortnite off of DS12's xbox this weekend after some repeated bad behaviour. It's addictive and has contributed to him becoming stroppy and rude.
I'd say get him a console but not Fortnite

I haven't let 9yo DD play any online collaborative games yet. I'm worried that they will become addictive if she thinks her friends are playing online without her and that she'll want to play at all hours.

I think when she asks to play these games, either DH or I will also join so we can play too. I don't know enough about them, so probably best to play and understand the mechanics. At least we'll know what she's talking about and can also talk to her about the game, what the risks are etc.

We have a family console in the lounge, so doesn't belong to DS(13). I am not sure if we have the only child who is not interested in Fortnite so we don't have that problem. DS is also an only so obviously don't have problems with sharing with siblings, but does have to share with DH.

We had an old PS2 for years, but a few years ago upgraded to PS4, partially so DS wouldn't feel left out.

Poor kid.

Why can't he have a console and you parent him so he isn't "glued" to it constantly?

It's quite a simple concept.

I'd get him one so he fits in with his mates and give him time retrictions when playing. My DS 10 would happily play all day if allowed - which he isn't! He gets a warning before food is ready so he finishes that game and then eats. The same if we are going out. Always off by 8pm for 9pm bed. You are the parent so you make the rules. He might not always like it but that's tough luck!