to allow DS 11 to go to friends again?

[salterello1]

My DS (11) has made friends with someone in school and he went there for tea yesterday, his friends mum collected him from school and I collected my DS from the friends house later on.

I was a bit a bit shocked when I collected him at the state of the house. There was just stuff and clutter everywhere, it was dirty and looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while.

Although I didn't venture in more than the hallway, I could see dirty plates piled up in the kitchen and a couple of dogs out the back, there was clumps of dog hair all up the stairs.

I could also see into one of the other down stairs rooms and there were piles of clothes and toys books and just general stuff everywhere - you could barely see the floor.

Mum seemed very nice, but I feel uncomfortable about my DS going into a house which was in this state. He wants to go there again this week AIBU to try and discourage it?

Meh this is secondary school

I remember visiting someone and watching her dads schoolgirl porn ! Nice

@Weathermonger I love the thought of your house with dogs, cats, hamsters etc. I do struggle with reptiles, I know I shouldn't but I do! Clearly I would love my kids to go to your house but I'd be sitting in the car to wait for the, to come out. 😂

Your house sounds like a dream. I’m not surprised the kids love it there ☺️ @Weathermonger and yes it most certainly does make a difference to how much fun is to be had whether the house owner is upright etc. You can’t move at my in-laws for worrying about breaking something / making a mess. Get to my mums and it’s a different story. Happy and light. No one gives a shit. You live once. I intend to make the most of it....... I’d love it if the op turned up and mine and decided we’re not for her. 100% her loss or her sons which is the sad part 😢

I know what the word snob means.

She's being a snob.

I have 11 cats, I work fulltime and I have a child, I do not have a dishwasher or a cleaner. There is no reason for someone to have a dirty house, it is down to being lazy. A lived in untidy house yes of course but not dirty where clumps of old dog hair can be found on the stairs.

Everybody saying, "Oh I wouldn't mind having my child in such a home", until your child comes home ill after either sleeping in dirty bedding which has bed bugs or full of flea bites, or if your 4 year old picks something up from the dirty floor and eats it which gives him severe diarrhea.

I would not be happy with my daughter eating in a dirty house no! you are all saying do not be so judgmental but yet you are judging someone for having a clean standard of living.

You had me at 11 cats Beaverhausen.

Don’t suppose you’ve got any pictures of the whole bunch?

Why's a 4yo eating things off the floor?

@salterello1 no body is saying it's normal to have low standards of hygiene they are saying it shouldn't effect a friendship. Personally my house is always cleanish and if I know someone is coming over I will make an extra effort. Maybe you just came in at the wrong/busiest time.

@SaucyJack I actually do lol they also have enclosure attached to my kitchen so that they can enjoy the sun in the summer.

@PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth I guess you have never had to stop a toddler from picking things off the floor and putting it in their mouth?

OMG Beaverhausen! That’s adorable! 😍 I thought I was mad, when I had seven cats and two wee dogs. I’m an amateur. 🤣

@berniee but yet people are calling the OP a snob and judging her for having standards and being concerned about the dirty environment her son will be eating in.

I am not saying they need to end the friendship that would be the last though and not the thought the OP had she is just concerned about the level of cleanliness her son is exposed to and eating in.

Just because the mother is friendly and welcoming does not make it acceptable and nobody should be bullied into lowering their standards.

For me cleanliness is a big bone of contention you do not have to have OCD or be a clean freak to have a clean and tidy house but there is also no need for a woman to have a dirty house especially when you are a SAHM and please do not use the excuse that you have children to care for, we all do. But yet somehow we manage to keep our houses tidy and clean. For me personally it helps with my anxiety, if I feel an attack come on, cleaning relaxes me and gives me a sense of pride in myself.

@PositivelyPERF had 26 about 3 years ago when I took 3 strays in who were pregnant. But I have managed to rehome 15 and was allowed to keep 10. :) Plus we had a dog too who sadly passed at 16years old 4 weeks ago.

Beaverhausen 4 isn't a toddler. None of mine were eating things off the floor when they were 4. They were in nursery class at school. DS2 was in reception.

That’s a glorious pile of cats

@Beaverhausen I don't think OP has gone about this the right way, everyone has dishes and laundry stack up at some point especially after dinner time ! The pet hair is abit gross but she may of just had a busy week, toys in the living room again isn't a bad thing when you've got children and it's again a busy time. If there was general dirt everyday then yeah I would be concerned but I don't understand why Op is moaning about dishes and laundry when it is normal at certain times, I would give the women another chance and maybe go round there at a different time and see if things are a-bit tidying you can't judge just on one day x

Tidier *

Plus we had a dog too who sadly passed at 16years old 4 weeks ago. Aww. I’m sorry about your wee dog, Beaverhausen. 💐 I’ve lost two cats in the last few months and it’s wild hard to say goodbye.

26 cats! I would hate to clean all those litter trays! I already go to the local dump once a week with the bags of lovely gifts my dog guests (dog sitter) leave behind. How do you dispose of yours? currently having visions of an ever increasing mountain ⛰ of cat poo 💩 in your back garden, with a flag on top 🤣

You saw the house so actually you know whether it was a health hazard or just a bit slovenly.

I don't understand people that don't tidy up before they have visitors (including child play dates). But some people have other things to worry about I guess.

For what it's worth I wouldn't let my child go to a complete dive as I would be worried about why standards were so low but a bit of hairy clutter is fine (but i would probably judge the parents).

My house is a tip most of the time. But it's clean. And not a tip for part of the day (hence I can clean it). Just the kids have other ideas about what is a nice way to live 😬

Ffs I should have read the full thread (sorry). I wouldn't let my child visit either. Poor child.

ballesitupforever Poor child? Why? He had fun, and wants to go back. My house is a tip, but my DC are teenagers and I have no idea about the state of their friends' parents' houses. However, they all seem happy here, and at their friends' houses too. The only one they avoid is the one whose mother gets the Dustbuster out whenever anyone puts anything on the floor. The daughter of this mother seems strangely glad to be at our house, which gets hoovered about once every couple of months, if it is lucky.

Oar- I cant believe that you hoover once every couple of months! Must have been a typo surely??

I hoover every day, takes me 15 mins if I'm just doing a quick one and not getting in the edges- surely you have time for that!

Every day? Does anyone love housework that much?

Don't stop him from going round it's not the kids fault his parents haven't cleaned up.

I don't love it at all! But my house is clean. I have a dog so couldn't leave it more than a day.