Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discipline her kids if she can’t?

275 replies

MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 07:56

I’ve increasingly started to get really annoyed when visiting or having over with her DC

She have 4 and all 10+. When it comes for a cuppa and cake they’ll be given their biscuits or slice of cake after lunch/dinner THEN we (the adults) will sit and have our drink and goodies, usually includes special chocolates I’ve bought/received as a gift or a particular cake that we like which the children don’t usually eat.

However every time we’ve sat down the children will hover, interrupt and pester their mum for some or just walk in and distract her with something else and just help themselves, literally clearing the plates by the end each child’s been in, the mother never say anything?! Surely you can see if you child is taking a slice of cake or swiping biscuits or do you just really become oblivious after a while? I don’t say anything because it’s upto mum I suppose but if I’ve bought something with me that id really like to enjoy how would you broach the subject?

I almost always bring something for the DC too with parents permission purposely to let us have the “adult treats”

I find it quite rude and Bad mannered that they’re allowed to do this, especially after they’ve had their share? I feel like saying “do you mind if they didn’t help themselves, I wanted some of that cake and your dc have finished it”

It’s quite trivial in the grand scheme of things but it’s really annoying !

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:34

I wanted to say buy the kids cheap shit but said stuff.

I’m sorry but you sound like you have no idea about parenting older kids. What age are they exactly?

lunar1 · 20/10/2018 08:34

Just bring something everyone can enjoy and stop being so territorial.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:36

Also. They’re teens or near enough it. They are bottomless pits as far as food is concerned. They can hoover up all the cheap shit chocolates and still want the nice stuff and burn it all off in 5 minutes and still want more.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:36

Wow. When I was 12 I would’ve been so happy to get a big mars bar, crisps and something else. Never expected to sit with the “adults” and have “boring” cake and dark choc but hey ho.

Can’t believe I’ve now been deemed to have a food problem and am greedy

If anything I overfeed people and can be OTT with the sweet stuff because it’s like a fun house at mine

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:37

You would have been. They’re not. People are different. Who knew?

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:37

I’m disgraceful and horrible? Did you not read the rest of the posts?

OP posts:
Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 08:38

@eatmycheese

Most people that don’t have kids have also learned not to get worked up at things like this.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/10/2018 08:38

How old are they?
Do you like these kids Op?

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/10/2018 08:40

If they’re old enough to have what we do then they should be made to sit down with us then? Grin

If they're old enough to eat cake or sweets that aren't Haribo?!?! Seriously OP, you are bonkers.

You have NO right to discipline her kids and there is nothing to discipline them for. You're just weird!!!!!

TaggieRR · 20/10/2018 08:42

If she has 4 10+ children, unless they’re twins/triplets/quads one or two must be getting on for 15/16! Maybe they’d like to sit with the adults. Next time try and meet up when kids are at school or something?

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:42

18 months apart. Older then 10 means 11, 13, 15 and 17. Ish. Assuming no twins.

😂😂😂😂.

Just. No.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:42

Sorry. Minimum 18 months. iPad ate a word.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:43

Twins, 12 and 13.

Of course I like them I love them.

It’s almost as if I’ve said “fuck her kids I gave them water and allowed them to speak what more do they want”

I’ll be speaking to my friend about it to see if she’s uncomfortable with things. Even after years of herself bringing out “our stuff” for coffee AFTER sorting the kids out with snacks n sweets.

Thanks to the couple of people who haven’t attacked me

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 20/10/2018 08:43

I see it as the op trying to pay off these kids with chocolate/sweets, for a bit of quiet time with her friend. And that being disturbed by these 4 coming back down for more.

I just think you need a new strategy OP, one that doesn’t involve food at all.

yesmelord · 20/10/2018 08:43

The kids are over 10 so high school age or approaching?

How are you planning on discipline OP? The chokey?

If your cake and chocolate mean that much to you just eat it in your own and just pull out the custard creams when your with your friend!

I don't take cake and treats around every time I see my friends? Maybe the kids (or teens) think that you bringing all this cake and other goodies around is a general treat for the family?

They can't just go play away from you and have a snack when there mummy brings it. They are a bit old! They can roam around their house if they want?

I think you are being very overly precious.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:44

My 18 year old has eaten adult food since she was 5 or 6 op.

Even when we were out in restaurants she could demolish an adult portion and wanted off the adult menu.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 20/10/2018 08:44

So you take round sweets for them, they disappear off to their rooms and eat them while your friend clears a table, you settle down together for a chinwag and some delicious truffles, and the kids come back and eat your truffles as well, having already eaten the sweets you gave them?

I agree with you OP, that’s annoying. The hovering about when you want to catch up with your friend as well as eating the treats you bought to share. They’re over 10 they can make their own fun elsewhere for a little bit and leave you in peace, surely.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:45

Like I’d really be talking about a 17yr old. What on earth?

OP posts:
StoppinBy · 20/10/2018 08:45

Kids are little hoovers, if you put out food, expect them to eat it, on the other hand, if you don't want them to eat it then don't put it out.

I agree that the answer here is for you to change your expectations rather than changing the children's behaviours. The way they are eating everything junky in sight seems pretty normal to me.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 20/10/2018 08:45

But it’s not up to you to discipline them. If their parents think that’s all fine then you’ll just have to accept it. What’s the alternative?

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:45

You were so vague. You didn’t say twins and you must admit it’s unusual to have 2 sets of twins only a year apart.

ambereeree · 20/10/2018 08:45

OP the problem is your friend thinks there is no problem. If you don't want to share with her children then say so. She will however, quite rightly, think its odd.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:46

Discipline as in “itd be nice if you asked for the last slice there’s not enough to go round”

I do know how to speak I’m not some savage.

The amount of nastiness and name calling here is astonishing

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:47

Not two sets of twins
1 set 10 and the other two children are 12 a 13

OP posts:
longwayoff · 20/10/2018 08:48

They must look forward to their visits with you. Getting four children, those ages, 2 of whom are near adult, to agree to be in one place together with their parent visiting a family friend is a near impossibility. Stop treating them 3 year olds though, its not polite.