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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To discipline her kids if she can’t?

275 replies

MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 07:56

I’ve increasingly started to get really annoyed when visiting or having over with her DC

She have 4 and all 10+. When it comes for a cuppa and cake they’ll be given their biscuits or slice of cake after lunch/dinner THEN we (the adults) will sit and have our drink and goodies, usually includes special chocolates I’ve bought/received as a gift or a particular cake that we like which the children don’t usually eat.

However every time we’ve sat down the children will hover, interrupt and pester their mum for some or just walk in and distract her with something else and just help themselves, literally clearing the plates by the end each child’s been in, the mother never say anything?! Surely you can see if you child is taking a slice of cake or swiping biscuits or do you just really become oblivious after a while? I don’t say anything because it’s upto mum I suppose but if I’ve bought something with me that id really like to enjoy how would you broach the subject?

I almost always bring something for the DC too with parents permission purposely to let us have the “adult treats”

I find it quite rude and Bad mannered that they’re allowed to do this, especially after they’ve had their share? I feel like saying “do you mind if they didn’t help themselves, I wanted some of that cake and your dc have finished it”

It’s quite trivial in the grand scheme of things but it’s really annoying !

OP posts:

tillytrotter1 · 20/10/2018 22:55

Some pious people here regarding children/adults treats! If my grandchildren even look at the Bendicks Bittermints they're in danger, they like Cadbury's chocolate buttons for heavens sake, how can they appreciate Bittermints? I also buy Cadbury's drinking chocolate for them, their mother buys Aldi own brand for them, it's G and B for me!

Eatmycheese · 21/10/2018 11:08

@tilly actually my two and four year old love bendicks bittermints. Perhaps because I gorged on them during pregnancy. See if their baby brother is the same when he has enough teeth 😏

Cachailleacha · 21/10/2018 11:26

So does my 12 year old Eatmycheese. If he was offered chocolate buttons he would be polite and take them but if he was given the choice he would choose the Bittermints.

willgiveitago · 21/10/2018 11:36

Sugar is really addictive. Once you’ve tasted a bit you want more. I would just bring less next time - a packet of biscuits for everyone to share.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 21/10/2018 12:00

Not read the whole thread but if I knew the kids tended to eat all the treats I’d either slice the cake/whatever and take a slice while it’s still there, have the nice stuff at home and only bring what I was happy to be eaten or be clear that these are the kids treats and these are the adults treats. If you haven’t been clear I don’t think your friend is doing much wrong letting her kids dig in. Yes, it would be polite to ask before taking the last slice of cake/chocolate etc but if you haven’t had any until its almost gone maybe they think you are bringing them as a gift and don’t eat them yourself? I can’t get myself head around you sitting there waiting for a whole cake to be eaten then being resentful you didn’t get any?

Branleuse · 21/10/2018 13:45

if I start eating chocolate, its really hard to stop. Sometimes I wont even start because ill just be snuffling round the treat cupboard for the rest of the day once im on it.

Might be better to bring no treats at all for your visit, then theyre more likely to not find you as interesting to be around and leave you alone.

Bring a plate of all bran

IzzyGrey · 21/10/2018 14:55

If my mum and her friend were having snacks it wouldn't have crossed my mind that id not be able to share? I've never heard of adult / children snacks. Also you would be very unreasonable to discipline someone else's child for any reason, especially something which is a bit of a non-issue? Surely you and your friend wouldn't get through an entire cake or box of chocolates yourselves anyway?

RangeRider · 21/10/2018 15:04

If my mum and her friend were having snacks it wouldn't have crossed my mind that id not be able to share?
If my mum & her friend were having snacks it wouldn't occur to me to just help myself. I'd wait to be offered.
And I can't see the problem with having separate stuff for OP & her friend compared to the kids. Why can't OP buy something nicer for the two of them? Why should she have to bulk buy decent stuff just to feed the children or have to go without and eat Haribo? It should be obvious that OP & friend are having something different and even if they were having the same you don't just come in & start helping yourself. Surely that's basic manners???
for you OP - eat it quickly or it might be scavenged by someone with far fewer manners!

MrMeSeeks · 21/10/2018 15:11

I don't think yabu at.
I was given treats from family as a child and then then the family ate their food.
I think its rude of them to then go over and eat all your stuff without asking.
Think it’s shocking the mames you’ve been called on here to.
I certainly buy my favourite sweets and i don’t share with anybody

Lethaldrizzle · 21/10/2018 15:12

Hardly 'bulk buying'

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/10/2018 15:13

In fairness, if someone gives me a lovely box of fresh Neuhaus chocolates, I don't waste them on DS (3), who would be happier with a Kinder egg anyway.

But then I don't bring them out when he's in view, because if he sees them he will of course expect to share them. So OP, just serve things you are happy to share while your friend's kids are in the house.

RangeRider · 21/10/2018 15:16

Lethaldrizzle being picky for the sake of it? It's perfectly obvious what I mean.

Devilishpyjamas · 21/10/2018 15:28

This is a very strange thread

Anyway, I would only take one cake, big enough for everyone. Everybody has one piece and that's that. Gets rid of the children vs adult treats business and will highlight that they are being greedy if they come back trying to take your share

This

LittleMissMarker · 21/10/2018 15:40

I feel like saying “do you mind if they didn’t help themselves, I wanted some of that cake and your dc have finished it”

You could try, but be prepared for a return lecture on your own manners beacuse you can't offer food to one guest and not to the others, not unless they are very small children who can't or wont eat adult food. You should only bring out food that you want to share with every guests who wants some. And if you and their mother are just helping yourselves then they will do the same.

Instead serve food that all your guests can share. And do the proper polite ritual of offering the plate of cake and box of chocolates to everyone in turn, starting with their mother.

TotHappy · 21/10/2018 15:49

Well i think you can discipline other people's kids if by discipline you mean 'mildly tell off' or 'remind of expectations',:if they are family or close friends. Why ever not?

Cachailleacha · 21/10/2018 16:20

Instead serve food that all your guests can share. And do the proper polite ritual of offering the plate of cake and box of chocolates to everyone in turn, starting with their mother.
This!

Devilishpyjamas · 21/10/2018 16:30

OP is generally (if I have read correctly) the guest. She is complaining about kids eating the food she has taken to their house.

Cachailleacha · 21/10/2018 16:42

Devilishpyjamas If you bring something when visiting, you usually present it to the host. If they want to share with their children too then that's their call. If you are the one hosting then you would offer any treats to all your guests. It makes no difference.

MrsDrudge · 21/10/2018 17:18

I agree you should all share the same “treat” food. However, it does seem that the children don’t share theirs, but go off somewhere to eat them - and then expect to eat everyone else’s too. Perhaps taking food you all enjoy and sharing it together would be more relaxing for everyone.

Willow2017 · 21/10/2018 17:32

Devilish
Op is complaining because she takes shed loads of treats for the kids who take it to thier rooms and eat it (without sharing) then expect to come down and eat all ops and thier mums treats too.
Why is it ok for them so scoff all thier treats then exoect to get all ops treats too?
In my house thats called greedy and selfish.

HeckyPeck · 21/10/2018 17:53

Op is complaining because she takes shed loads of treats for the kids who take it to thier rooms and eat it (without sharing) then expect to come down and eat all ops and thier mums treats too.
Why is it ok for them so scoff all thier treats then exoect to get all ops treats too?
In my house thats called greedy and selfish.

That’s how I read it too.

My Nan used to bring me and my siblings large bags of penny sweets when she came to visit. We’d gobble them down. She’d bring other treats for my other grandparents and they’d eat them at a grown up pace. I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to eat all their treats too after eating mine really quickly and not sharing my own!

OP, if she wants to teach her kids to be selfish and greedy that’s her look out I suppose.

Cachailleacha · 21/10/2018 17:55

If the adults are sharing something different, then why shouldn't the children be offered some too? Why not put out all the food to share? These are older children who like what the adults are sharing, not toddlers who might be catered to with special child food.

LittleMissMarker · 21/10/2018 18:31

Well if she's not even the host then it's not the OP's place to have an opinion on who eats what! If she's not happy with how it works now then she can just bring something they all share equally.

Original poster

MrsA2015 · 22/10/2018 02:24

It’s bizarre how people continue to reply with assumptions AND admitting to not reading my posts.

OP posts:

HeckyPeck · 22/10/2018 15:35

These are older children who like what the adults are sharing, not toddlers who might be catered to with special child food.

If they’re old enough to want what the adults have then their old enough to share their own too.

Surely you wouldn’t encourage your kids to eat their own treats (or which OP brings plenty) without sharing then eat everyone else’s leaving none for the person who brought the treats in the first place?

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