Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discipline her kids if she can’t?

275 replies

MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 07:56

I’ve increasingly started to get really annoyed when visiting or having over with her DC

She have 4 and all 10+. When it comes for a cuppa and cake they’ll be given their biscuits or slice of cake after lunch/dinner THEN we (the adults) will sit and have our drink and goodies, usually includes special chocolates I’ve bought/received as a gift or a particular cake that we like which the children don’t usually eat.

However every time we’ve sat down the children will hover, interrupt and pester their mum for some or just walk in and distract her with something else and just help themselves, literally clearing the plates by the end each child’s been in, the mother never say anything?! Surely you can see if you child is taking a slice of cake or swiping biscuits or do you just really become oblivious after a while? I don’t say anything because it’s upto mum I suppose but if I’ve bought something with me that id really like to enjoy how would you broach the subject?

I almost always bring something for the DC too with parents permission purposely to let us have the “adult treats”

I find it quite rude and Bad mannered that they’re allowed to do this, especially after they’ve had their share? I feel like saying “do you mind if they didn’t help themselves, I wanted some of that cake and your dc have finished it”

It’s quite trivial in the grand scheme of things but it’s really annoying !

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:18

I gosh I think everyone’s misunderstood me a little lol

My house is a free for all and they love coming to the extent I’ve been asked not to put so many treats down as they have too much of it.

I’m meaning when we have our separate time Mum to Mum over a cuppa and all the kids are hanging around.

By adult treats I mean a certain cake and some godivas not a whole spread laid out which only we can touch Blush

OP posts:
ambereeree · 20/10/2018 08:18

I can't blame the kids tbh. I bet they look forward to your visit to eat your chocolates!

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:19

That is NOT my other threat wtf ?? @wonderandwander

OP posts:
Waitingonasmiley42 · 20/10/2018 08:20

By any chance have you ever had an eating disorder? I have, and understand how territorial and panicky it can make you around food.

You are being unfair and the children don't need disciplined by you.

AjasLipstick · 20/10/2018 08:20

Why don't you stop buying these "certain cakes" then? If it galls you so much to share. Or buy enough for everyone.

If you can't afford to buy those things for everyone, don't.

Children are just as important as adults when it comes to food.

TheFifthKey · 20/10/2018 08:21

This is another MN parallel universe thing. Of course some treats are for adults and some for kids! And of course it’s ok not to share some things. Doesn’t mean the kids are poor deprived little flowers or anything, but I’m damned if mine are chowing down on my expensive truffles that won’t even touch the sides when there are Penguin biscuits in the world 😂

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:22

Ok so basically I turn up with a cheesecake/sensations crisps/full size chocolate bars OR a couple large bags of “sweets” for them to share. Which they all like and eat and are grateful for and disappear off to their rooms. Then we clear table and stick the kettle on and settle on the sofa for a chat and bring out the truffles and coffee cake. Am I expect to be ok wh the kids returning to then have those too?

OP posts:
Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 08:26

I’m getting a little irked at the comments about OP not having children. I don’t have children (OP does in fact) and I can very clearly see that the adult food and children food is very odd behaviour. OP just bring food that anyone can enjoy at any time they like or as their parent sees fit.

Doyoumind · 20/10/2018 08:26

They just think it's the second course. They don't realise it's 'just for adults'. You should stop taking so much round anyway. It sounds totally OTT.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 20/10/2018 08:27

I think she just has different rules at her place, I wouldn't worry about it. Just bring one thing for everyone, and grab a piece for yourself before the kids scoff the lot. My kids don't gets lots of chocolate, and if they see an opportunity to pig out they do.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:28

Over 10 I wouldn’t expect separate treats.

How over 10? I mea, 4 over 10must mean one is 15 or so and you’re expecting them to like different treats to adults? Naw. Sorry.

Eatmycheese · 20/10/2018 08:28

Why are you irked at the comments regarding whether the OP has children? It’s not a dig at childless women it’s a genuine query since most people who have kids have had to learn not to get quite so worked up about shit like this

DamsonGin · 20/10/2018 08:28

Why not just take one cake and cut everyone a slice. If you and your friend are going to eat it with a cup of tea afterwards then just put your slices aside making it clear they're for you two. If the kids take them then you have a problem.

Eatmycheese · 20/10/2018 08:28

And yes we’ve established the OP has children.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:29

They get the cheap stuff and you bring out the nice stuff for the “adults”.

That works when they’re 3. Not so much at 13.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:29

That’s why I take that much because there’s 4 10+ and we see each other once every 3 months almost.

I don’t have a food issue ffs just a thing for manners, you don’t just help yourself and they’re old enough to because they ask for things at mine and it’s completey normal especially if it’s infront of their faces on the table.

If we’ve gone to a separate room whilst their in their rooms then it’s different, no?

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 20/10/2018 08:30

Would it be easier to see your friend when her dc are at school then no issues or to see her one evening?

MemoryOfSleep · 20/10/2018 08:30

I think I see what you mean, OP. Kids do tend to have different palates to adults. I know lots of adults who don't like things that are overly sweet and prefer, say, a dark chocolate. Kids don't tend to like dark chocolate much, but as they tend to be rather greedy will still snaffle it if it is the only thing on offer. So an adult who will enjoy it more doesn't get it whereas a kid who'd frankly prefer a twix ends up scoffing it. A lot of generalisations here and obviously they don't always hold, but it's akin to eating the last of the quality street because it's there versus because you particularly love those ones iyswim?

I think the answer, OP, is to have yours at the same time they have theirs.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:30

As to disciplining her kids for that I literally have no words. 😂😂😂😂. No. Just. No.

Original poster
MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 08:31

They’re *

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:31

No it’s not different. They’re growing into adults with more adult palates than your 3 year old.

You need to adjust your thinking.

Monstersunderthebed · 20/10/2018 08:32

OP. You need disciplined. You are being ridiculous. You really have nothing to complain about if you bothered to post about this like it’s an issue. Your behaviour is disgraceful. Your friend must think so too. Share your good food. I am gobsmacked that you think it’s okay to do this and have an issue with the kids wanting a bit of nice cake and some chocolates. I have never heard of anything so horrible

PickleForPresident · 20/10/2018 08:32

You're bonkers OP.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 08:32

And at 10 plus they’re growing into adults and the rules around food relax naturally as they get older.

They see food on the table and other people getting share and they expect share too.

Believeitornot · 20/10/2018 08:33

Eat your treats faster. Before they swarm in.