To ask you to share your best joke?

[AiryFairyUnicornRainbow]

A bear walks into a bar, and says to the bar tender:

'Please may I have............................................................................a pint?'

and the bar tender replies

'Why the long pause?'

and the bear says

'I dunno, I was just born with them'

fnar fnarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

What’s the difference between a Stoat and a Weasel?

A weasel is weasily wecognised.... a stoat is stoatily different.

What's green and brown, has 6 legs, and if it falls out of the tree it could kill you?

A snooker table!

• Takes a bow

I went to a zoo the other week, it was full of dogs, it was a shih tzu.

Why don't Owls court in the rain?

Its Too Wet To Woo

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.


What do you call a deer with one eye?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with one eye and no legs?

Still no idea.

I thank you 😁😁

What type of bees make milk?

Boobies

These are TERRIBLE. How can any PP possibly be proud?

“I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.”

arf arf!

A woman walks into a bar, and the barman says 'Hi what can I get you?'. Woman says 'I'll have a double entendre please'. So he gave her one.

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'll get my coat......

A man went in to a builders merchant and said "I would like some pieces of 4 by 2." The merchant said "Fine. How long do you want it?" The man said "Oh ages! I am building a shed."

They're all crap but funny :-)

Except I don't get your one @Heratnumber7
What do you call a deer with one eye?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with one eye and no legs?
Still no idea.

Why do communists drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

Better said than written but...

Q: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A: Nobody pays to have a lentil on their face.

Bono and The Edge walk into a pub

Barman sees them and says
'not U2 again'

Why have elephants got big ears?

Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

I'm so sorry I'm crap at jokes, but I'm loving all these

Jesus said: "Come forth and receive everlasting life!"

But John came fifth, and only received a toaster.

Theymademejoin say it out loud.

No eyed deer
Still, no eyed deer

Q. What's green and smells of pork?
A. Kermit's fingers

Q. What's pink and hard?
A. Pig with a flick knife

Q. What's pink and hard first thing in the morning?
A. Financial Times crossword

Q. What's the difference between a bucket o pig's afterbirth and a bucket of sand?
A. You can't gargle sand

@Heratnumber7

I did say it out loud. Must be an accent thing as no eyed deer and no idea don't sound at all alike to me.

That's the problem with plays on words I guess :-)

What cheese do you use to get a Bear out of a tree?? Cam on Bear

What does cheese says to itself in the mirror? Halloumi.

Love a cheese joke!

Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other,

"Can you smell fish?"

What's the difference between a Scottish shepherd and a Rolling Stones song?

One says "Hey you! Get off of my cloud!" and the other says "Hey McCloud! Get off of my ewe!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug