To ask you to share your best joke?

[AiryFairyUnicornRainbow]

A bear walks into a bar, and says to the bar tender:

'Please may I have............................................................................a pint?'

and the bar tender replies

'Why the long pause?'

and the bear says

'I dunno, I was just born with them'

fnar fnarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He kneaded a poo!

On the same theme (but very crude - sorry)

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no penis?

Still no fucking idea

Why did the slow chicken cross the road?
To visit its friend, the village idiot.
(insert one or two more jokes, then proceed with)
Knock knock
Who's there?
It's me, silly: the slow chicken. You DID invite me. Don't tell me you've forgotten!

How do you get down off an elephant?

You don’t. You get down off a duck.

It's not my best joke but it's the one I can remember.
Three nuns die on the same day and arrive at the pearly gates together.
Saint peter greets them and says 'you have lived good lives, answer one question correctly and you'll enter heaven's.
Who was there first man?
The first nun replies Adam and the pearly gates swing open.
Who was the first woman?
The second nun replies Eve and the pearly gates swing open.
The third nun is feeling a little worried now as she feels that the easy questions are gone.
'What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?' asks St Peter.
Nun number 3 is in a panic. She's no idea.
Playing for time she says 'my that's a hard one. '
And the pearly gates swing open......

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsssh

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Cos he was kneading a jobbie!

Knock knock
(Who's there)
Boo
(Boo who)
There's no need to cry it's only a joke !

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.

Every time I turn my computer on, it plays "Rolling in the Deep".

It's a Dell.

Did you know that Dubai don't show the Flintstones on Tv?

But Abu Dhabi do.

Two snowmen-one turns to the other and says " Can you smell carrots? "

Whats barbies favourite thing to do at Halloween??

Pump- Ken

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

A: Poke her face

When I die, I'd like to go peacefully in my sleep like my old grandad. Not screaming in terror like his 20 passengers.

Is it sad that I'm copying and pasting my favourite ones into my notepad so I can reuse them haha

My friend is 31. She's really looking forward to going out on her birthday. I don't understand why. It isn't as if we're going to be celebrating for long - only half a minute.

It's her thirty-second birthday, after all.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye Matey!

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?

My drug dealer gave me some trainers. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

These jokes are so cheesy... I camembert it

What do you call the ghost of dead chicken?

A poultrygeist

“How do you find Will Smith in the snow?”

“Look for his Fresh Prints.” (cue the theme song in my head.)

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting sheep
Interr
BAAAAAaaaaahhh!!!

Two sausages in a pan.

One says "ooh it's a bit hot in here"

The other one says "Blimey! A talking sausage!"

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor??

It turned into a field !!!