To think who gets married on a Monday

[MardyArabella]

An immediate family member is getting married on a Monday next year. I know it’s an invitation not a summons I can’t not go without causing a serious rift in my family but Jfc could they have picked a worse day? Wedding is also 3 hours from where I live so will need two days off work.

I really don't get people moaning about using annual leave up.
Annual leave isn't just for holidays but when you need time away from work for whatever reason.
Using the arguments here I should be angry that I have had to use '"precious"' annual leave to go to a funeral of someone not close enough for compassionate leave or get upset because I had to use my holidays to travel to my birth town to take my nan to the solicitors and so on .
Sometimes on MN it seems like all people want to do is the absolute bear minimum for their families and woe betide the family if they want to do something outside normal practices.
Its easier to come on here and bitch rather than ask for solutions. There has been some helpful suggestions posted on here. That's much better than people telling the op to get a shitty gift and lie to their faces.

dad In fairness when you have minimum annual leave and need to use it to cover childcare in holidays and child illness, annual leave is incredibly precious.

HERE'S THE THING. If you work weekends, you don't tend to be friends with people who are 9-5 M-F because you would never see them because you're working when they're off and they're working when you are off.

Strange, because I have friends who work weekends or shifts and those who work Monday to Friday.

Hence my use of the word "tends".

I feel confident if these people were among those who worked shifts, including regular weekend work, the thrust of @MardyArabella 's OP might have been rather different??? If she posted at all.

I agree with what a previous poster said - sounds like you have a family problem, btw, not a wedding/annual leave problem...

Is it your Mum or Dad's wedding?

dad In fairness when you have minimum annual leave and need to use it to cover childcare in holidays and child illness, annual leave is incredibly precious
Indeed and I have been in that boat as well. However the Op hasn't said there are childcare issues in thus case.
We have been in the same situation a few years back so I do know what its like

If you work weekends, you don't tend to be friends with people who are 9-5 M-F

Haha.

In all the time of reading Mumsnet I have NEVER come across anyone who chose their friends based on their working hours.

Nice one

tattychicken yes

Speak for yourself buscaution. I only have Wednesday friends. Wednesday friends are the very best friends. Most people don't know this because they are lumbered with Saturday and Sunday friends

Totally see why that would be tricky. I'd be pissed off too. But you're doing the right thing, grumble privately and then put on a good show on the day.

people who've had weekday weddings and don't want to accept that in order to get a cheaper venue they've they've basically passed the cost onto their guests
Exactly this

it's not a question of choosing your friends based on working hours, that would be daft. But if, like DH and everyone in his line of work, you work weekend night shifts, it's very hard to maintain friendships with 9-5 M-F workers because you can so rarely find time to see each other.

Not sure what you want from this? You said you HAVE to go, so peoples response of 'you don't have to go' etc. won't be something you will entertain.

What I will say though, is I fully want a small wedding. I think it is a huge waste of money generally and will have it on a less expensive day as a result. The people I really care about being there will be and that is all that matters. It is their wedding day and they really don't have to think about anyone elses work or travel plans. If people want to be there enough they will make it work.

We’re getting married on a Tuesday. We’re eloping though, so no guests to consider!

Yanbu at all. If the bridal couple really want their guests there, then shouldnt they accommodate them? They Obviously didnt take into account small children and logistics. Given the distance it stuffs up both your Monday and Tuesday.

My lovely friend was married on a Tuesday morning. I was a bit taken aback by the day and time. It turned out to be one of the nicest weddings ever. The vibe was very laid back. The ceremony was followed by a long lunch. We all had naps afterward. Dinner was served in the Inn. People either left after that to drive home or most of us had rooms, so we just continued to drink and went to bed later. I loved the feeling of stepping out of time for moment. Everyone else at work, whilst we were celebrating.

Op, if the wedding causes hardship to you then decline. Surely, family members must understand the difficulty in getting time off during the week.

What an utterly bizarre comment. So couples who marry on the weekend are more special? Deserve more celebration?

That's not what she's saying. It's about accepting that the atmosphere will most likely be different, possibly a bit less celebratory, on a weekday because people have had to put more thought into the logistics. Guests who would be up for a party if it was a Saturday night might instead decide to leave early as they want to get home and get a few hours sleep before they have to get up for work the next day. One of our friends got married on a Tuesday and then complained that she and the Groom seemed to be "the only ones drinking". Well, that's because a lot of guests who had already taken a day off work to come to her wedding were driving home that evening to avoid having to take another day off the next day. It was still a nice day but there was definitely not as much of a party atmosphere than and many of the guests left early.

Ours was on a Monday. It was small and the only people who we expected to travel were retired. In the end, extended family complained we were keeping it so small, so we widened the guest list, but did not change the date. They traveled anyway.

We did not party into the night. It was always planned as a nice dinner. People who lived local had no trouble making it to work the next day.

We saved a ridiculous sum of money. It really was more than that though. Since we weren’t doing a dance, most wedding venues didn’t even want to consider us for a weekend.

I did. Had 16 guests. Was lovely. Each to their own. Depends how important the couple are to you I guess.

Some of you must have horrid parents or be horrid offspring because I would happily take unpaid leave let alone annual leave to celebrate an important event with my parents

It's cheaper and wheedles out those who don't really want to go

OPs parent getting married, I see. Retired, I'm guessing, so work not an issue? Big bash on Monday no issue for THEM. Me thinks the lack of sensitivity colours numerous facets of the relationship.

OP do you have siblings? What do they say?

, when a couple chooses to hold their wedding on a Monday or Tuesday it’s pretty obvious that considering what works for their guests is pretty low down on their list of priorities*

Yep, didn't give a fuck about my guests bar my parents tbh. It was our wedding and our day and we did what we wanted to. Our Monday wedding had nothing to do with cost, so that theory is flawed. It's because we wanted a certain date.

My parents were more than happy to be there on whatever date we chose, because a. It was our wedding and b. They love me.

Really didn't care about anyone else. Come or don't come, made no odds to me. It wasn't about them. Weddings aren't about guests.