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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who gets married on a Monday

183 replies

MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 10:43

An immediate family member is getting married on a Monday next year. I know it’s an invitation not a summons I can’t not go without causing a serious rift in my family but Jfc could they have picked a worse day? Wedding is also 3 hours from where I live so will need two days off work.

OP posts:
Kickassbitch · 19/10/2018 11:53

Conker Game weekday weddings are not selfish, for people like myself, I got married not for the party, but to get married, people are under no obligation to attend, no one holds a gun to their head. If all my guest didnt want to attend on the Wednesday I had mine I would have married that day anyway because its the marriage thats important, sharing it with guests is nice but not the be all and end all. I would like them to be there but a wedding requires actually minimal people at the end of the day and is the most important part everything else is just a nice bonus.

MemoryOfSleep · 19/10/2018 11:53

I had a weekday wedding. I just really liked the date as it was significant to me. No one had to come, and in the end it was great because the people I'm really close to and wanted to come came and all the obligation invites didn't.

Original poster
MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 11:53

Its not a special date for the couple. If anything is a very awkward date which makes it worse (in my eyes)

Not going or even driving home after the meal isn’t an option. Wedding will go on till midnight and I will be expected to be there all day and have breakfast with them the day after. There are two people that in my relatives eyes will need to be at the wedding or it will be ruined and I am one of them. Not going would be akin to going NC. It would set an ugly precedent.

OP posts:
Elementtree · 19/10/2018 11:53

What about the ones who are just looking to get married? You know, with just a nod to a wedding as a means to an end. No big drama, no drama llama 'it's our day' and no big entertaining production put on for guests coper?

Original poster
MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 11:55

annie thanks that’s what I’m pretty much going to do. It’s my thing I have to moan about to dp and my friends but then I’ll need to bite the bullet and get it over with.

OP posts:
MrsVietor · 19/10/2018 11:55

Well in that case you've already had the best advice. Let off steam here, then show up with a big smile and just try to seem as if you're enjoying it.

MaryJenson · 19/10/2018 11:56

Perhaps if they knew your true feelings towards it/them, they wouldn’t be so bothered about you being there.

lily2403 · 19/10/2018 11:58

It's a year away, surely you can keep a day of your annual leave free?

CoperCabana · 19/10/2018 11:58

i didn’t say it all has to be a big event. If you want to get married without a big event, then surely it’s a ‘marriage’ kind of wedding, just with the couple not wanting to share it with many or even any people.

PoesyCherish · 19/10/2018 12:00

To me, there are two types of weddings:

‘Our day’ types of wedding

‘Our marriage’ types of wedding

For the latter, people consider themselves and their guests because it is all about the celebration of them being joined together and sharing it with those they love. These weddings tend to be on a day that suits the majority of their guests. Depending on the age group, professions, number of guests etc.

For the former, this tends to be the dream day, and sometimes this means on a week day because that is the only way they can afford it, or abroad because that is the only way they can afford it, or because that is the only way they can get their ‘dream’ venue. But the focus is on the couple, their day and is not planned for the convenience of their guests.

I much prefer the ‘marriage’ type weddings.

Alternatively you have the "our marriage" types who don't particularly care about the day, just want to be married and focus on the actual marriage thus picking the cheapest / first day available.

DanglyBangly · 19/10/2018 12:02

If it was a Saturday, you’d presumably take the Friday off so it’s only one extra day off (or could you make it half if your work allow half days?)

Good advice above - have a moan and rant, and then just resign yourself to it. Far less stressful.

abacucat · 19/10/2018 12:03

I thought a really high proportion of people did not work Monday to Friday 9-5pm now?

OllyBJolly · 19/10/2018 12:07

I got married on a Monday. It suited most people. Many of my relatives work in emergency services or NHS so a weekday was much easier for them to book off. Also meant those travelling could make a weekend of it.

Not everyone is a 9-5 office worker!

Buster72 · 19/10/2018 12:08

You get 28 days leave a year, can you not take two off for a close relative?

GMFLondon · 19/10/2018 12:09

How lovely they want to include you. Mondays are so much cheaper, as well as being more available - some wedding venues have all Saturday slots fully booked up for two years ahead. As they've given you plenty of notice, perhaps you can book two days off and travel back on the Tuesday. If not, or you want to save another night's accommodation, leave after the speeches and cake cutting, they will surely understand.

But rather don't go than go with gritted teeth.. second wedding is irrelevant, they're starting out with hope and it's their day..

Quipsandquotes · 19/10/2018 12:09

Copercobana I totally agree with your post.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 19/10/2018 12:10

I’m with you OP. I can’t imagine any other type of party (which is what a wedding reception is) where it would be acceptable to hold it on a day which would be inconvenient for most of the expected guests. Anyone throwing a christening or 60th birthday party on a Wednesday afternoon would be told to get their head felt.

Controversial opinion, but if you can’t afford a venue for a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, then you can’t afford that venue. When DH were in that boat, we realised we needed to cut our cloth accordingly and had a DIY wedding reception on a bank holiday Saturday. It was a lot of work, but our small budget shouldn’t have turned into our guests’ problem.

Original poster
MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 12:12

bluster I don’t get 28 days. Not everybody does. I will probably have to buy extra leave to attend this wedding.

OP posts:
CatsEye99 · 19/10/2018 12:14

Controversial opinion, but if you can’t afford a venue for a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, then you can’t afford that venue.

Why should the couple have to pick a venue based on anything other than their budget and their wishes? Guests seem very demanding on this thread. Weddings aren't about you, they are about the couple

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 19/10/2018 12:19

Why should the couple have to pick a venue based on anything other than their budget and their wishes? Guests seem very demanding on this thread. Weddings aren't about you, they are about the couple

No one said it’s about the guests Hmm - but when a couple chooses to hold their wedding on a Monday or Tuesday it’s pretty obvious that considering what works for their guests is pretty low down on their list of priorities.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/10/2018 12:19

Oh dear there are some right miserable people on here. Plenty of people would still be required to book annual leave if it was a weekend. My immmediate family (dp and 5 kids) have 5 that work on rotas that include 5 days out of 7 covering evenings and weekends as well as 9-5. It isnt selfish to get married on a day of your choosing for whatever that reason. I would be more than happy to book a day or 2 off to have an enjoyable time with family and good friends. Maybe I am lucky that I have family and friends I enjoy spending time with

FridayThirteenth · 19/10/2018 12:20

@CatsEye99 see I don't get that POV at all (the wedding just being about the couple and not at all about the guests).

When I got married, my wedding was about celebrating the marriage with my guests! I was throwing the day FOR them, otherwise surely we would have just got married the two of us (which is a perfectly valid choice).

If you are inviting lots of guests, you make the day about them surely? Unless you think the point of being a wedding guest is to just stare at awe at the bride and groom?

We still have people reminiscing 7 years on saying how much fun our wedding was, how much they enjoyed it. That gives me far more pleasure than remembering how I looked in my dress or the fact I was the centre of attention. It was a celebration and you rely on the guests to celebrate for you!

LaurieMarlow · 19/10/2018 12:22

I agree OP. I think it's a selfish move if the bride and groom are expecting a reasonable amount of people who work to attend.

If they genuinely don't care about lots of no shows, or it's mostly retired people or whatever that's different.

But I don't think it's acceptable to expect people to take 1-2 days annual leave (who wants to go into work the day after a wedding?) so that the b&g can have a fancier venue.

ConkerGame · 19/10/2018 12:23

@kickass that’s fine if you made it clear to all your guests that you understood it was inconvenient for them and therefore there was no expectation for them to come. However IME that’s not what happens and clearly isn’t what has happened for the OP who has instead been told she has to be there!

adaline · 19/10/2018 12:23

I got married on a Tuesday.

It was half the price but then again we only invited our (retired) parents so there was no point paying the weekend premium.

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