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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think who gets married on a Monday

183 replies

MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 10:43

An immediate family member is getting married on a Monday next year. I know it’s an invitation not a summons I can’t not go without causing a serious rift in my family but Jfc could they have picked a worse day? Wedding is also 3 hours from where I live so will need two days off work.

OP posts:

CatsEye99 · 19/10/2018 11:08

I'm surprised at people who seem offended by the couple wanting to save money on the venue. It seems very sensible to me.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/10/2018 11:10

It’s not first marriage for either of them still a special day for them.

Original poster

MardyArabella · 19/10/2018 11:14

donkey didn’t say it wasn’t. Just making the point that this isn’t about them having their once in a lifetime big day and only being able to afford it if is on a Monday. Until recently I was under the impression this was going to be a very small wedding with Just immediate family. Now it’s been announced and I’ve been told it will be on a Monday I feel frustrated about the situation.

I recognise a lot of that is on me, and maybe if I was happier about this marriage I wouldn’t feel so petty and begrudging. But that’s my own issue not there’s.

OP posts:

BusySittingDown · 19/10/2018 11:15

Me!

I got married on a Monday .

Although we only had 13 guests. 5 of which work in our family business, 2 were teachers and it was the summer holidays, 2 were retired and the rest were children. I wouldn’t have got married on a Monday otherwise though, TBF.

overagain · 19/10/2018 11:18

Depends whether you can get the leave. There is no doubt weekday weddings are inconvenient for most working people.

We had to turn them down when DH was a teacher, he simply wasn't allowed weekdays off in term time.

Womaningreen · 19/10/2018 11:19

so you would have been just as pissed off with any other day, bar Friday, because you have to use 2 days annual leave?

I would say to them that using 2 days leave is a problem, most people have issues with not having enough leave. They know you are a long way away, they should be fine with you leaving early.

LemonadePockets · 19/10/2018 11:23

We got married on a Monday. Weekends are the busiest time for the business most of our family and friends are in.

Lazypuppy · 19/10/2018 11:25

If you have to stay for whole thing then stay and just don't drink so you can drive homr and go to work the next day

That's what i do at weddings anyway as i don't drink.

Elementtree · 19/10/2018 11:25

I got married on a Wednesday. Just to be extra awkward. I was 23, we were poor, we weren't too bothered if people made it or not.

Viviennemary · 19/10/2018 11:26

People can get married on any day they choose. What they can't do is insist people attend if they pick an awkward date or venue and cause inconvenience. But in your case I cant see a huge problem. But if it's a second wedding I wouldn't put myself out.

Melanippe · 19/10/2018 11:28

We got married on a Thursday, with not much notice and people couldn't come for obvious reasons. That was just fine. Was a bit sad about my brother, but it wasn't the end of the world.

NonaGrey · 19/10/2018 11:28

A good friend of mine got married on a Wednesday, in term time, abroad.

I have a sneaking suspicion that it was deliberately planned to make sure certain family members wouldn’t come.

It was a really lovely wedding but pretty much anyone with kids couldn’t attend, including key members of both families.

The bride and groom were very understanding about anyone who couldn’t come. Perhaps too understanding..,

It’s their wedding so it’s up to them in the end. You just have to decide which annoyance is greater going or not going.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 19/10/2018 11:30

YANBU it’s a selfish thing to do, especially if the wedding isn’t local for most people.

You could choose a nuclear option and tell the family member ‘sorry I can’t be there, I’ll come to the next one’

PoesyCherish · 19/10/2018 11:30

This thread just makes me want to get married on a weekday - hadn't occurred to me before.

It doesn't matter if it's their first wedding or not OP. It's obviously what they want and well, you know, it is them getting married...

buscaution · 19/10/2018 11:30

Oh ffs.

ProfessorMoody · 19/10/2018 11:31

Someone who wants to?

greendale17 · 19/10/2018 11:31

I agree with you OP. Even a Friday would be better than a Monday

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/10/2018 11:32

venues really rip you off with weekend prices. Why should she pay 3 x more just to accommodate you

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/10/2018 11:32

Sometimes life is just shitty.

Going to a wedding you wush wasn’t happening, on a bloody Monday, in a non holiday destination. You’ve every right to be a bit mardy.

However, do yourself a favour, have a good moan, then shelve it. You’re going to go (because it’s immediate family and not worth the arse ache not to go), so book the leave off work, book accommodation (I’d use booking.com & choose somewhere you can cancel - just in case) and then try not to give it any head space.

At the end of the day, it’s an irritation, that’s all. I find putting it into perspective helps ME. People are getting seriously bad news, losing loved ones to illness or accidents, finding out about affairs etc. and remembering that, my fucking frustrating irritation then pales in comparison. Have a good moan first though!!

A0001 · 19/10/2018 11:33

And it was nothing to do with money

Afternooninthepark · 19/10/2018 11:35

I got married on a Monday. We had booked a massive wedding on a Saturday the year before but I suffer from terrible anxiety and just couldn’t go through with 100+ guests attending. So a year later I booked a registery office wedding and just invited our parents and siblings. We had a big meal a week later with our friends. 30 years together and 16 years married, I still don’t regret making that decision. Please or offend it was our wedding and we wanted it they way we wanted it. It’s their day, not yours.

HugoBearsMummy · 19/10/2018 11:35

Lots of people, hell of a lot cheaper for them, their wedding their choice. You don't HAVE to attend. NEXT!

TotHappy · 19/10/2018 11:35

Good advice from Annie. It's ok to be frustrated.
It's not always available it cost though, just for the record, me and my husband both worked in 'weekend' jobs when we got married and wanted our friends who were colleagues to be able to come. They wouldn't have been able to on a Saturday.

bychoiceornot · 19/10/2018 11:36

People like us, the majority of whose loved ones work in areas which require them to work any 5/7 days of the week on a rota basis, thereby including weekends... in fact some who work every weekend and therefore have their days off mid-week. So to have the Tuesday off (which is when we are getting hitched) is just as easy/tricky for the majority of people we have invited, as a weekend day would be.

EleanorLavish · 19/10/2018 11:37

I got married at the height of the Celtic Tiger in a beautiful place where lots of well off folk got married. They only allowed weddings on a Monday or Thursday.
You booked the whole place, so it was exclusively yours. I got the last Thursday available, the Mondays were already booked out for that year.
Their reasoning was that they liked having people down for the weekends, aside from weddings. It was very popular, everyone invited came (113 people), and most stayed for the next day too.
I'm in Ireland though and we seem to do and view weddings differently here.
I adore weddings and don't care what day they are on.

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