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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm living in a parallel universe sometimes

196 replies

justfloatingpast · 19/10/2018 09:09

There are so many scenarios I see on MN that I don't recognise from my real life:

Not wanting anyone to touch your baby
Not wanting grandparents to take the baby out for a walk on their own
Confronting people who've parked in P&T spaces and demanding to know their disability
Leaving elderly parents alone at Christmas for no good reason

I just don't see this kind of behaviour in my own everyday life so AIBU to think there's a parallel universe out there that I fortunately don't belong to?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/10/2018 18:58

I've been here for years and the MN described here is not the one I see.

Maelstrop · 20/10/2018 20:05

There’s talk of exaggeration on here yet some pp on this thread are exaggerating too! Wink

I totally understand not wanting family to pop in daily without warning or not wanting your mil to take your very young baby out for the whole day. S’funny how people are raging about not allowing the mil to take the baby away yet on the thread about the Eastern European mil taking the baby into her room overnight was full of outrage against the controlling nasty mil. (I’m using an extreme example, I know)

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2018 21:23

I've been here for years and the MN described here is not the one I see

Maybe you don't read enough threads? I'm here a lot, but not since it was fields, and even I see what's being alluded to here.

mathanxiety · 21/10/2018 05:27

No, I read lots of threads.

I have also seen lots of threads recently along the lines of this one. Tis weird.

differentnameforthis · 21/10/2018 05:41

I could tell you lots of things have happened to me, my family etc and you'd probably think they were made up.

The world is full of millions of people, just because it doesn't/hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean people have made it up.

Original poster
justfloatingpast · 22/10/2018 08:12

I'm not saying stuff is made up, I'm saying I am frequently surprised/appalled at some of the attitudes on here, and never see them (thankfully) in real life.

I have genuinely never heard anyone say that a grandparent has 'had their turn' and should not expect to take their grandchild for a walk in the pram because the baby is not a new toy.

I have never heard anyone express the view that no one should touch their child, not even a friendly pat on the head.

I have never heard anyone say that they want to spend Christmas with their 'own little unit' and their parents will just have to put up with it.

But you frequently see threads on here where poster after poster express those views, and I do genuinely wonder if I've led a sheltered life.

OP posts:
JessieLemon · 22/10/2018 08:24

and I do genuinely wonder if I've led a sheltered life.

You’re right on the money Smile

Bluelady · 22/10/2018 09:39

I don't think you (or I) have led a sheltered life, just a civilised and normal one. I've never encountered these things either. Hopefully I never will.

blueskiesandforests · 22/10/2018 10:21

People write things on anonymous forums which they don't say aloud. It's very possible you know lots of people with these thoughts and opinions and reasons for them in their family relationships etc, who aren't sharing their thoughts and family backgrounds with you.

SharpLily · 22/10/2018 11:33

This reply has been deleted

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Bluelady · 22/10/2018 11:40

Loneliness is at epidemic proportions in older age groups. I'd put my house on many, many delightful people with no families spending Christmas Day alone, along with the other 364 days of the year. Another post that completely proves your point, OP.

Original poster
justfloatingpast · 22/10/2018 11:48

"I tend to find that nice people aren't alone at Christmas. If someone is alone at Christmas, there's usually a reason why. Hope that helps"

What a cruel post. There are many lovely, but lonely people around.

OP posts:
Original poster
justfloatingpast · 22/10/2018 11:50

In fact there was some frightening statistic on the news the other evening about the amount of elderly people who haven't spoken to anyone in the last month. That is so sad and worrying, and comments like yours don't help sharplily.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 12:01

“I tend to find that nice people aren't alone at Christmas. If someone is alone at Christmas, there's usually a reason why. Hope that helps“

That really is one of the most unpleasant posts I have ever read. And my word, there’s some competition!

JessieLemon · 22/10/2018 12:12

“I tend to find that nice people aren't alone at Christmas. If someone is alone at Christmas, there's usually a reason why. Hope that helps“

I hope you never suffer the misfortune of having your very small family all die or become abusive and estranged, and spend xmas day alone cos friends are all busy with their own families and you don’t want to be a spare wheel/feel like you’re being desperate in asking to join. Truly.

What a nasty thing to say. Almost unbelievable that someone would think this, let alone say it. As if it’s been crafted for shock value Hmm

BlingLoving · 22/10/2018 12:21

I tend to find that nice people aren't alone at Christmas. If someone is alone at Christmas, there's usually a reason why. Hope that helps hmm.

That's just awful and untrue and really a sad indictment of how you view the world. Like OP, I'm always amazed by how many people just want it to be their "own little family" unit at Christmas etc, ditching parents and in laws with no thought (and no, I'm certainly not talking about where the extended family are toxic and awful). And I'll go a step further and say that I'm very proud of the fact that my family have always extended Christmas invites to people we come across who are alone for whatever reason. Over the years we've had friends whose families are away, work colleagues and people we don't know well from wherever. I can honestly say that having them has always been a pleasure and simply ADDED to our christmas experience.

However, I HAVE seen this attitude in real life as well. Not a lot but a few comments by people at work or at the school gate made me realise it isn't just on MN!

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 22/10/2018 12:24

I didn't want anyone to touch my tiny newborn babies with no immune system. When they were at crawling age it was fine. But also, do you let strangers touch you?

Original poster
justfloatingpast · 22/10/2018 12:25

Yes Philomena, if a stranger tapped me on the arm to get my attention, or offered me their hand on first meeting I would certainly see nothing strange in it.

OP posts:
PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 22/10/2018 12:30

I hate the tapping thing. Just talk to me. I'm not deaf.

Shitlandpony · 22/10/2018 12:31

This is going to make me appear so sanctimonious but I could never enjoy Christmas knowing that people are on their own. We have all sorts of waifs and strays around the table.

Original poster
justfloatingpast · 22/10/2018 12:32

Yes, but sometimes someone addresses me, I don't hear them because it's somewhere noisy, or I am distracted by something else, and they might lightly tap me on the arm to get my attention. It's perfectly normal behaviour.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 12:33

I know I’ve said it before, but the Mumsnet attitude to giving lifts baffles me. The idea that it is a gigantic favour to let someone sit in your car while you drive somewhere you were going anyway........

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 22/10/2018 12:34

Possibly because you don't have your DC - and DM! - doing it constantly. This is when they're right next to me.

BlingLoving · 22/10/2018 12:35

I once happily handed 4 month old DS to an elderly couple at a local tea room. They were dazzled and clearly loved babies. I spotted a woman looking at me weirdly but felt vindicated when the two NCT friends I was with happily passed their babies over for a cuddle when DS came back to me!

Bluelady · 22/10/2018 12:37

That story's made my day, Bling, what a lovely thing to do.