to think I'm living in a parallel universe sometimes

[justfloatingpast]

There are so many scenarios I see on MN that I don't recognise from my real life:

Not wanting anyone to touch your baby
Not wanting grandparents to take the baby out for a walk on their own
Confronting people who've parked in P&T spaces and demanding to know their disability
Leaving elderly parents alone at Christmas for no good reason

I just don't see this kind of behaviour in my own everyday life so AIBU to think there's a parallel universe out there that I fortunately don't belong to?

There's nearly always a back story - usually manufactured to sway opinion.

I know OP! Me too!

When my DD's were born I was happy for people to come to visit us. I wanted them to! It would be weird sitting in a silent house with a new baby. The rush of people all wanting to see them was lovely.

Only on mumsnet are you ~precious~for wanting to hang out with your own newborn instead of shoving them out the door with anyone who asks 'unless they're dangerous'. Jesus Christ, how is that the only fucking requirement.

You don't have to let someone hold your baby etc. Up to you. But just understand that you don't let relatives develop a bond, they are unlikely to be that involved later.
And indeed I commonly see posters saying no, the baby is yours, also say don't worry they won't want to know when your baby is a difficult toddler.

Where did anyone say babies should be 'shoved out the door with anyone who asks'?

I agree with the op.

Mumsnet is not, I believe, representative of the general population though there is a good cross section of society.

I'm sure there are many people in real life who have never knowingly encountered a trans person and rarely think about trans issues. Considering approximately 1% of the population are known to be trans, that is hardly surprising.

I don't recognise the family set ups that are so frequently referred to. The brothers and Sisters in Law who are so unpleasant and such frequent visitors; buyers or non buyers of presents; bookers of unacceptable restaurant tables. Cousins? the ones that don't say thank you for gifts, have ungrateful children or demand to be visited. In Laws? pushy, demanding tiny babies go to stay with them and upset about everything all the time.
Not only do I not have any relations like this, I don't know anyone that does. Most people see their relations from time to time, are civil, interested and interesting and enjoy the occasional family get together.

"Also lots of competitive under eating.

"Oh no I couldn't possible eat a whole sandwich. I see others cramming whole sandwiches into their mouth and just see a bunch of greedy pigs."

They always use words like cramming and insults for people who eat normal amounts of food. From MN I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot more women with food issues than I had realised. My own view is eat what you want - too much, too little, crap food - as long as it is not life threatening I really don't care."

Ugh, this. People on MN never just EAT either, they guzzle, chomp, gorge, slurp, trough! Meanwhile everyone looks on in wide eyed disbelief as they nibble delicately at their lettuce leaf and spoonful of quinoa.

It’s all so ridiculous. OP says she can’t believe there are people in this world who wouldn’t have their parents over at Christmas or wouldn’t want people to visit their baby for a few weeks, then everyone comes out with examples of the extremely awful behaviours of some MNers. It obviously never occurred to OP that perhaps the reason “elderly” parents aren’t invited to Christmas is because they are those intense people being talked about. Maybe she screams at people about croissants, demands to have the newborn for 8 hour stretches where the mother of the child is not allowed, and goes on MN to complain that her kids didn’t cater well enough for her Christmas lunch. Maybe the “elderly” father did burn his DIL’s present.

Some people are jerks. OP, I’m very happy for you if there are no jerks in your life but I think your life experience must be incredibly limited if you can’t begin to imagine why some people need time away from certain other people.

Iwas there's a big difference with someone from a toxic family having issues re Christmas or new babies and the many posters who come onto threads and make sweeping statements implying that no one should feel obliged to make sure their parents are not alone at Christmas and no one should let their MIL take the baby for a walk.

But I've explained this already.

And on MN people don't read threads properly or make up things all the time.

Not only do I not have any relations like this, I don't know anyone that does

Lucky, lucky you. Do you think that means they don't exist, or even that they're very rare? A lot of people (fortunately a minority, but a large one) are kind of shit and some of them make the mistake of becoming parents. You can't seriously look around at the current state of the world and claim nearly everyone is lovely, sensible, sane etc. Were that the case there would be no war, precious little crime, and we'd be well on our way to tackling world poverty and most diseases.

I had the joy of working in a role peripheral to social services a couple of years ago. Not only were there far too many highly dysfunctional families among the clients, there were nearly as many weird dramas going on in the lives of my colleagues.

@heidithebogey2

I know, so many precious drama llamas about, right?

I suspect a lot of people on here are little billy bullshitters.. ‘I would tell them to fuck off’ would you though? Really? Hmm

Cutting people off for minor arguments, whatttt

If the real world was like this place everyone would be wandering around absolutely fuming at everything, have absolutely zero conflict resolution skills and be shouting fuck off at everyone.
But god forbid you write an actual thread about telling someone to fuck off, cos then you’re rude and abusive and dramatic

I like this place for the support and the drama sometimes but Jesus, I’m bloody glad it only represents the minority IRL!

"How on earth do you get through life when the answer to this scenario you're handwringing over has a glaringly obvious common sense solution?"
The number of threads where I'm tempted to ask if the OP had actually thought about talking to their partner instead of complete strangers, you know the person to whom you've been married for years and have children with and have basically planned to spend your life with and should therefore be capable of managing a civilised conversation with....

I find it surprising how many MN ers think they know the insurance and outs of every one of their colleagues and aquaintances private thoughts and family relationships/ arrangements.

I'm pretty sure most people dont know whether they know someone who hates their MIL / DIL, hated people touching their baby/ doesn't spebd Christmas with their elderly father/ has an unstable and or alcoholic mother who tried to take her baby out for walks alone and had to be stopped from doing so - or any other "only on MN" scenario.

Generally these scenarios are not things you discuss with the person who sits opposite you at work, or aquaintances at the school gate or toddler group, or the friend/ aquaintances you do yoga/ spin class with and sometimes go for a coffee with afterwards, or the nice neighbors you get on well with but actually only make small talk with and feed one another's cats when you go on holiday...

Etc etc

The point about people gravitating towards people just like them and friendships with similar people being the ones that become close enough to have personal conversations with holds.

Most people dont know whether they know anyone with opinions/ relationships/ lives like the ones they think are "only on MN". If people think you won't "get" them they won't open up to you even if you see them regularly at work or socially or in the course of a common activity.

It obviously never occurred to OP that perhaps the reason “elderly” parents aren’t invited to Christmas is because they are those intense people being talked about.
Or that maybe the person has spent the last 20+ Christmases with them out of duty and actually just wants one Christmas doing what they want for a change.....

ha ha agree

many moons ago i was on a thread about what people/familys eat,there were many saying they didnt think having crisps in the cupboard was standard

i was surprised and said i thought it was more unusual that they DIDNT have crisps at home

que then everybody admitting that they did

I'm pretty sure the world wouldn't function if everyone were as petty and anally retentive as posters on Aibu.

Ins and outs, not insurance!

I agree with the just talk to them point though!

The amount of notes put through doors to be misinterpreted and agonised over and replied to with another note also surprises me and falls into the why don't people talk to each other category.

I think there are a disproportionate number of people who dont talk to people on internet forums though!

I do find some of the harsh, selfish attitudes on MN quite depressing. Maybe I've led a sheltered life but, unless a parent has done something awful, I think it is very unkind to leave them alone over Christmas or to refuse all requests to take a baby to the shops or out for a walk in the pram.
But so many mnetters seem to think that's a perfectly reasonable attitude, regardless of whether the parent in question has ever done anything terrible.

I like the suggested texts -

It has come to my attention that my son has not been invited to your sons party. In light of this situation I have taken the decision to stop walking home with you after school. I wish you no ill feeling and hope this can be the end of the matter.

God yes, some of the texts posters are advised to send. So rude and blunt and hurtful.

I think I now count as an elderly relative - I would LOVE to be on my own at Christmas, but am not apparently allowed

OP you must have a lovely family. Some disagreements from time to time, dealt with in a loving and mutually supportive manner. Yay for you.

Many of us do not have your good fortune. Have you ever watched Jeremy Kyle? Do you think they are all actors?