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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FFS at school teacher....

250 replies

Stanmorevisit · 18/10/2018 23:44

Background: DD (secondary) in hospital for 2 weeks planned admission solid therapy to help fix an ongoing problem that school know about and she has soldiered through
Despite a lot of pain in school . She's doing hospital school whilst she's here. The hospital is nearly 3 hours from home, I have another child with SN so logistically its a nightmare and I've been splitting myself in two. family have visited when i cant. Except tonight when I actually made it in overnight, she has/Will be staying in on her own and done most of the therapy solo. She's also also going to be going back to school with a few day to day adaptations that will make her life easier but will be different. It will be hard as a cool preteen. She's in a metric ton of pain from strengthening muscles that haven't worked properly in along time and it won't be any easier next week. She's also essentially missing half term.

I get to (hospital ward) bed tonight to find one of her teachers has emailed me to say as DD has missed an test due to her injury, would I mind if she repeated the assessment on the first day back!!! They appreciate my support for her education!!!

End result is I'm up trying to write a polite reply when all I want to say is on what fucking planet are you on. I don't need to be dealing with this now and there us no way a full scale test should be happening DD's first day back at school after a major hospital admission.

AIBU to think you must be an absolute fuckwit to think that is ok.

OP posts:
MissBartlettsconscience · 21/10/2018 08:00

Yes you've missed something Soontobe60. You could petals try reading the op's posts again even if not if the others.

Lostinlondon999 · 21/10/2018 08:06

This may have already been said but the teacher probably cringed whilst writing it. Most likely not wanting to write it and also not agreeing with sending it.
Unfortunately schools have a deadline for assessments. Many teachers are against it but it is what is required of them and unfortunately falls on to them.
There is a huge amount of pressure of teachers to hit this deadline.

FlapAttack23 · 21/10/2018 08:07

I wouldn't over think it. Teachers have about 50752 things on their to do list and probably looked at it logistically without thinking which is not cool but also not a malicious mean action most likely. I'd just send a quick email back like the oerson above said to "I appreciate..." that one was perfect.

Don't take it to heart and take comfort in fact teacher is at least chasing up for tes too be done rsther than just letting her fall behind and not caring at all which would be even worse

Lostinlondon999 · 21/10/2018 08:09

Also for everyone saying she should revise. It’s not about revising, it’s about assessing the needs of the needs of the child.

user789653241 · 21/10/2018 08:14

I really don't think anyone who understand the situation said she should revise, including teachers.

MaisyPops · 21/10/2018 08:27

@PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth
I didn't mean you'd said those things.I was referring to other things said on the thread by different posters.

As in it's perfectly reasonable to say (as you said) 'actually in my child's situation it's not appropriate', but it's unreasonable the way some have carried on like the teacher is a twat for even asking because there's some magic rule that covers every single medical situation.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 21/10/2018 08:33

@CheesecakeAddict i think you have ably demonstrated why working from a hospital bed on anything important is ill advised! for either child or teacher! I am very saddened
You were made to do that. I know not every school is the same in insisting.

You sound like you are reaching the end of your tether with everything going on

I'm all right and please don't worry about me that much!. Thankfully my tether has a fair amount left on it, this is nothing compared to when DS's medical issues kick off!!! That would right now be my nightmare if they have both ended up in hospitals 2-3 hours apart. I have superb support, i really wouldn't manage any of it without them. But probably I can say there's still length in my tether because I'm at the end of week one, DS's issues is still in good form and with no school I can take him with me for week too easing the pressure on everyone.

As I have said before I have vented my anger on AIBU as it saves me venting at the teacher. Even in my tired raged sleep addled state I managed a message to her that was polite and id have still sent something similar in the morning. I'm still going to rage against something I feel is ridiculous

OP posts:
Dermymc · 21/10/2018 08:39

Stanmore from your pov it's ridiculous. From the teachers pov she has just asked about an assessment. The teacher will probably feel awful when she finds out. And there is nothing to be gained from you ranting about it for days. Plenty of people have tried to explain the teachers pov. Yet still you are convinced you are right.

user789653241 · 21/10/2018 08:41

Yes, I totally understand, OP. If you can vent on internet, and have more calm interaction in RL, that's great.I would happily be a receiving end for your anger. And I hope other people would see that too, and don't give you a hard time on here as well.

user789653241 · 21/10/2018 08:45

Dermymc, Op has said she is just venting. I am sure OP do understand. But she just need the place to let off her steam. We can always walk away if we didn't want to hear it.

Lizzie48 · 21/10/2018 08:56

I'm also shocked at Dermymc's earlier vile post, which was completely unnecessary. The OP is clearly under stress about her sick child in hospital and was venting because the email was more than she could deal with. It's much better that she vents to strangers on MN than to the teacher.

C0untDucku1a · 21/10/2018 08:58

I have a student in one of my classes who has not been in to school at all this year. Nobody has so much as mentioned in passing where she is. I only have any idea because the rest of the class have told me what they know.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 21/10/2018 08:59

annie if it's a long term reason, of course teachers know. The entire school knew why DS1 took so much time off. The worst one was his teacher in P2 who refused to remind him to go and spit: "I'm a teacher, not a nurse." Hmm That actually worked out well, because he started remembering.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 21/10/2018 09:09

Re the teacher who refused to remind DS1 to go and spit: isn't that part of being in loco parentis? If I had to remind him to go and spit, shouldn't she have? Confused

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 21/10/2018 09:15

@Dermymc i think we will need to agree to disagree.

Mumsnet is an incredibly useful place to vent and let off steam, especially when my support network around me are dealing with complex arrangements and my SN son!

It 11 oclock at night when I can't sleep and really didn't need to be dealing with a teachers ignorance/stupidity venting on mumsnet really really is helpful

But please don't think this thread is now grabbing anymore headspace than can be spared from laundry, sorting medicines relaxing and general prep work for another very challenging week next week. If the teacher had replied the matter would have already been put to bed.

@irvineoneohone has nailed it. I wouldn't want anyone taking more to heart than the original email deserved.

I made it clear I wasn't rude to the teacher concerned. I'm polite to teachers because regardless of how stupid I think their comments have been, I know they are people too, who are over worked and under paid. And besides which they may be dealing with DS at some point, no point alienating them before the real challenge hits.

OP posts:
itsjustmebeingme · 21/10/2018 09:18

Cc the tutor and head of year...awful to put her in that situation.

MaisyPops · 21/10/2018 09:24

Stanmorevisit
You've done the reasonable thing which is politely reply, give the extra information and said why it's not possible.

Honestly, it's so much easier working with parents who are reasonable. (Sometimes I think the frothy school replies on MN lose sight of that when advising all sorts of arsey behaviour).
Hope it all gets resolved soon

Dermymc · 21/10/2018 09:26

The teacher should have replied. That's not acceptable.

Sorry to hear about all the other stress in your life too.

Your earlier posts were damning of the teacher with no real reason, now it's clear you just needed a rant.

PS did the teacher email at 11 pm? I'd be judging any school that worked teachers that hard!

user789653241 · 21/10/2018 09:42

MaisyPops, that's why MN is such a great place. We can hear the pov from teachers, and we as a parent can rant, display unreasonable anger, be an emotional nightmare, but come to reasonable senses by doing so, and have good relationship with real teachers in real life.

I really do appreciate someone like you, who do respond to us parents and gives us insightful info/opinions.Thank you.

Soontobe60 · 21/10/2018 09:46

So it's not acceptable that the teacher has not replied in their non working time, but your be judging any school that works teacher so hard they might be emailing at 11pm? Make your mind up!

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 21/10/2018 10:06

Just to clarify

The teacher sent the email somewhen on a Thursday. it was 11pm on the Thursday when I fell asleep writing my reply and sent it accidentally. Friday morning I checked it. I hadn't had a reply by Friday afternoon. I absolutely wouldn't expect a reply during half term because that's half term. But that means the matter is hanging for Monday and I don't know if the teacher knows I feel the test would be entirely inappropriate.

Dermymc i will always damn a teacher who thinks the first day back from significant medical absence is the time for testing. This is where we need to agree to disagree. But in communication I will always be looking for the sensible solution. Ranting at teachers on principle isn't terribly helpful generally! And we may well be dealing with way more serious issues so I'd far rather leave contacting the head or deputy to those!

OP posts:
user789653241 · 21/10/2018 10:08

Soontobe, I really don't know who your post is aiming at, but please don't take pedantic details and accuse anyone.

The important fact here is, that OP is under so much pressure. And the teacher might not have good knowledge of her dd's situation.

Best result of this thread is, that OP had some sort of place to rant, and also a insight from teachers to understand what can be the reason for the email, which seemed rather insensitive, but not really meant to be.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 21/10/2018 10:18

Ffs. She ASKED you and you said no thanks.

That’s the END of it!!

CraftyGin · 21/10/2018 10:28

As a teacher, I give my students an end of topic test every 2 - 3 weeks, so it would not bother me if a student missed one. In fact, I rarely as a student who was absent on the day of the test to catch up. EOT tests are not the only way I assess them.

I don’t know what this teacher knows about the extent of your DD’s condition and of what she is capable of, or what pressure she is under in school from her superiors to have a full set of data, but there will be another side to this story.

When I have had students in hospital, with tutors/hospital school, I have just sent the tutor all the material the class is working on each week, and let them decide how much is appropriate. The priority for the student is to get better, rather than making sure all the school work is done. OTOH, days in hospital are long, so they are probably grateful for something worthwhile to do between rounds and therapy.

If the teacher really, really needs to have the test done, she could always email it home and let DD do it in her own time.

CraftyGin · 21/10/2018 10:30

The teacher should have replied. That's not acceptable.

Any school that I have been in has a policy of not replying to ranty emails for 48 hours.