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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FFS at school teacher....

250 replies

Stanmorevisit · 18/10/2018 23:44

Background: DD (secondary) in hospital for 2 weeks planned admission solid therapy to help fix an ongoing problem that school know about and she has soldiered through
Despite a lot of pain in school . She's doing hospital school whilst she's here. The hospital is nearly 3 hours from home, I have another child with SN so logistically its a nightmare and I've been splitting myself in two. family have visited when i cant. Except tonight when I actually made it in overnight, she has/Will be staying in on her own and done most of the therapy solo. She's also also going to be going back to school with a few day to day adaptations that will make her life easier but will be different. It will be hard as a cool preteen. She's in a metric ton of pain from strengthening muscles that haven't worked properly in along time and it won't be any easier next week. She's also essentially missing half term.

I get to (hospital ward) bed tonight to find one of her teachers has emailed me to say as DD has missed an test due to her injury, would I mind if she repeated the assessment on the first day back!!! They appreciate my support for her education!!!

End result is I'm up trying to write a polite reply when all I want to say is on what fucking planet are you on. I don't need to be dealing with this now and there us no way a full scale test should be happening DD's first day back at school after a major hospital admission.

AIBU to think you must be an absolute fuckwit to think that is ok.

OP posts:
Alwaysbekind2014 · 18/10/2018 23:49

To be honest I will just reply
With
no.

doublethink · 18/10/2018 23:51

YANBU. FFS. I think the teacher needs reminding of your daughters situation, and that no, she will not be doing a test on her first day back.

fairypuff · 18/10/2018 23:53

Oh hell no. A quick call to the ht should sort this out as he/she should be able to see the madness and accommodate appropriately.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2018 23:59

That's a ludicrous expectation. Best wishes to your daughter for her recovery.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 00:03

Oh thank God it's not just me. I've been so tied up in making sure everyone was ok and in the right place at the right time and the email was so confident I wondered if it was me losing the plot.

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 19/10/2018 00:03

Actually I would go so far to say, just ignore the email and carry on with what you are doing, you have your hands full and sound like you are doing an amazing job! Waste no more energy upon it. They can always chase if it is actually a thing.

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2018 00:09

I appreciate your support in my daughter recovery from hospital & do hope you’ll reschedule the assessment so it doesn’t fall on her first day back at school. As I’m sure you’re aware two weeks in hospital isn’t a picnic and regaining her health is very important without added stress from tests, thanks for your cooperation on this matter.

WickedLazy · 19/10/2018 00:13

If you ignore the e-mail, she'll probably have your daughter do the test on the first day back though. Does dd need to study for this test? Yanbu, e-mail her back asking could dd do the test her second week back, to let her settle in again a bit/not have another thing to worry about the first day/week when she's stressed and sore enough as it is?

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 00:19

Id ignore it but I'm worried they'd then do it anyway.

I wrote a mostly finished draft to check over in the morning basically taking @doublethink approach. Turns out I sent it as opposed to save it!!! So i guess theyll have to take it how it comes!!! It does I think read ok if somewhat studiously trying to avoid say saying WTF are you thinking.

Alwaysbekind2014 OMG I'd love to have sent that fairypuff I've CC-ed her tutor who is lovely, I'd be very tempted to take It further. I'm all for teachers using email as a means of communication bit this took the biscuit.

Thank you for positive thoughts and well wishes xxxx

OP posts:
DarkYearForMySoul · 19/10/2018 00:19

“Dear Mrs Teacher,
Thank you for contacting me. It seems you may be unaware that DD has had major surgery and is currently engaged in a significant program of rehabilitation. I’m sure you understand that taking a test on the first day of her staged return would be neither helpful to her or the school as you adjust to the new situation. In addition it would not allow DD to perform to her normal level. We look forward to approaching this test after X weeks after DD has settled back in. Thank you for your co operation and support in thus ongoing matter.”

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 00:23

ivykaty44 that would have been better than what I've sent. I've been quite forthright as to why it hasn't/isn't a walk in the park. I'd probably have cut that down a bit in the morning Blush

OP posts:
zzzzz · 19/10/2018 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 19/10/2018 00:31

I would send what DarkYear has written. More than likely this particular subject teacher has very little idea what your poor dd is going through, and has just been told she is off for an operation. She has, tbf, asked , and not just done the assessment on the first day back.

buscaution · 19/10/2018 00:35

Contact the head anyway, make them aware they have a staff member who needs their neck wound in.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/10/2018 00:49

I’m sure your reply will be fine. Anything more polite than ‘Don’t be so fucking ridiculous’ is, indeed, a bonus.

I hope DD makes a good recovery, it sounds very difficult for her, poor thing.

...and you need to look after YOURSELF as well, try to eat good food and get some sleep.

PawneeParksDept · 19/10/2018 00:56

Dark Year has it perfect

Teacher is being CF and thinking of ensuring her paperwork is in order ASAP, over your DDs health and best interest

Your response needs to make them feel like they've been a right twat, without calling them a right twat.

A difficult balance.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 19/10/2018 01:06

YANBU, there's no need & you've done right
Protect your Dd. I

I missed a chunk of year 12 off sick and one language teacher was obsessed with me catching up everything ASAP and breathed down my neck about it when my main priority was on finding out if I had leukaemia and working out why my liver was being poisoned. My mum told him to back off and he did. I also got sent out of a history lesson to complete a practice paper test despite having not covered the subject (new unit started in my absence) on my first day back. I knew I'd turn in a shit score, was on edge for return to school & just sat in the library & cried! Don't let that be your dd, back to school is hard enough.

kateandme · 19/10/2018 01:08

send a intinary of what ur dds going/gone through.will then have to deal with and then ask where he think his re test should be in the priority list?and then whilst they may appreciate the support with dd education you would appreciate if they would do the fucking same and go educate themselves!

tiredgirly · 19/10/2018 03:42

They do tests all the time at secondary school. I don't see it as a big deal tbh.she is either well enough to be there or she isn't.I don't think sore muscles are much of anm excuse

MagentaRocks · 19/10/2018 05:06

@tiredgirly imagine you are off work for quite a while after an operation which has left you in pain and on your first day back you are told to do a presentation that you haven't been able to prepare for. This is the same kind of thing. It's more than just tired muscles.

Peaseblossom22 · 19/10/2018 05:50

If the OP’s user name is a clue to the hospital her dd is in then it will be a lot more than just tired muscles.

lljkk · 19/10/2018 05:59

We don't take 'assessments' very seriously so would just get it over with first day back. I must be missing something; will she be moved down 6 sets if she does badly in the assessment? Who cares. Just get it over with. Has to happen sometime.

Soontobe60 · 19/10/2018 05:59

Maybe, just maybe, this teacher was not aware of the extent of your DDs medical needs. Maybe the test is a really important one that has to be done within a certain deadline? Maybe preparing for this test might be something that helps your DD take her mind off the pain she may be in.
Sending a strongly worded email back isn't necessary, it's just rude. I understand you're all a bit fractious because of the hospitalisation, but there's no need for bad manners.
Why would this email from the teacher be a reason to complain to the Head? She didn't demand that the test be done immediately, she asked if it was possible. She'd be trying to sort the arrangements for it before half term. A reply along the lines of 'I can't give you a definite yes at the moment as DD is still struggling, but we will let you know when she's strong enough' would suffice.

larrygrylls · 19/10/2018 06:14

Well, there are two approaches here. You could just say no or you could just let her take the test unprepared and tell her it does not matter.

Ultimately it is just a test, a piece of work in silence. If you are tired and in pain it could be seen as a nice rest from frantic social interaction.

Both the school and you are making a big deal out of one minor assessment that will mean nothing long term.

The teacher is probably under pressure from a HOD or SLT to complete the testing; I doubt they personally care one way or the other. And if the school ignored some parents or merely sent a get well card, there would probably be complaints about lack of academic support.

sashh · 19/10/2018 06:34

Dear teacher,

By law you need to make reasonable adjustments for my daughter. Note you, under current legislation you can be personally held responsible for your actions as well as or in place of the school.

Currently her education is being provided by the hospital school who are actually supporting her.

As she has missed not only your test but the teaching beforehand will you be able to fit in all that she has missed and give her time for revision before the test?

May I remind you that if YOU were having the treatment my daughter is enduring you would be signed of work for a number of weeks to recuperate.

Please send any more correspondence via the head teacher and the hospital school.

I'd copy in the head.

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