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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think FFS at school teacher....

250 replies

Stanmorevisit · 18/10/2018 23:44

Background: DD (secondary) in hospital for 2 weeks planned admission solid therapy to help fix an ongoing problem that school know about and she has soldiered through
Despite a lot of pain in school . She's doing hospital school whilst she's here. The hospital is nearly 3 hours from home, I have another child with SN so logistically its a nightmare and I've been splitting myself in two. family have visited when i cant. Except tonight when I actually made it in overnight, she has/Will be staying in on her own and done most of the therapy solo. She's also also going to be going back to school with a few day to day adaptations that will make her life easier but will be different. It will be hard as a cool preteen. She's in a metric ton of pain from strengthening muscles that haven't worked properly in along time and it won't be any easier next week. She's also essentially missing half term.

I get to (hospital ward) bed tonight to find one of her teachers has emailed me to say as DD has missed an test due to her injury, would I mind if she repeated the assessment on the first day back!!! They appreciate my support for her education!!!

End result is I'm up trying to write a polite reply when all I want to say is on what fucking planet are you on. I don't need to be dealing with this now and there us no way a full scale test should be happening DD's first day back at school after a major hospital admission.

AIBU to think you must be an absolute fuckwit to think that is ok.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 19/10/2018 10:00

allupsidedown, I do get what you are saying. But the teacher's first responsibility is her/his pupil's education. Nothing wrong with that. And ultimately op's dd needs to catch up for her own sake.

But if the Op explains the situation, most of the teacher would appreciate it and think about her pupil's well being first.

I do believe most teachers see their pupil as a person, not just part of their statistics.

noblegiraffe · 19/10/2018 12:10

They should assume the worst until told otherwise ie the child is not capable of study.

But the child is doing hospital school!

Lizzie48 · 19/10/2018 12:32

YANBU, OP. I'm not at all surprised you feel like that about such an email. A child returning from a stay in hospital shouldn't have the added stress of a test on her first day back in school. It is stressful for a 12 year old to face a test and it's a pressure she could do without.

I remember when my DSis was 12, she was off school for 16 months because of a brother coccyx and homeschooled during that time, by my DM and a tutor. When she went back, the school were going to place her in the year behind, which would have been really hard, as she has a September birthday so was one of the oldest in her year. Our parents moved her to a private school, but that's not an option for the majority of children.

Unfortunately, schools often don't take into account the impact on a child's emotional wellbeing of arbitrary decisions based only on academic targets. If we don't fight for our DC, who will?

tiredgirly · 19/10/2018 13:06

what I read is she had been in hosp for 2 weeks one week of which was half term.So missed 5 days school?

The Op says she was in for therapy to get muscles working and was left with sore muscles.If anything with being off school she has had more time to revise than the others

It's only a test- I am not getting the big deal.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 16:29

Thank you to all those that get it. I'm still waiting on a reply. Am happy to "facilitate the test" but not on the first week back after a hospital stay.

@tiredgirly I very much hope you never have a child that needs you to get it. From experience any hospital stay is disruptive on your return to school, a test at that time is in no way representative of a child's capabilities or progress, so youre not learning anything meaningful by doing it then. In DD's case first week back its way more important, medically socially and educationally, to give her the space to integrate what's she's doing now into day to day life. Anything else is unimportant by comparison...

OP posts:
Dermymc · 19/10/2018 16:50

Stanmore you aren't listening to those of us saying that as a teacher we probably would have the level of information you expect. Information is shared a lot less now (GDPR

Dermymc · 19/10/2018 16:52

Not sure what happened there.

Basic point is that I would not know how long the child would be off or when to expect them back. I'd email with the best intentions, sometimes teachers get it wrong.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 17:01

@Dermymc tbh the approach i took of highlighting what DD is dealing with kinda covers it. As I said despite not feeling terribly polite, I was. Habit. You never know when you might need schools support.

You're right the teacher may know less than I assume. But even then the teacher knew enough to know there was a problem with DD healthwise and to suggest a test on the first day of her return.

That in itself is enough for me to go FFS, get some sense and empathy

OP posts:
Lemonsnlime · 19/10/2018 17:02

The very fact that the teacher is asking shows that she is considering the pupils health needs and is checking with her mother first! When someone asks your permission for something you are allowed to say no!!

Dermymc · 19/10/2018 17:03

Does the teacher know its her first day back though?

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2018 17:05

When dd has exercise induced collapsing I informed the school, imagine their surprise when dd collapsed half way through a PE exam and had to call an ambulance, me and abandoned the exam.

Sometimes teachers don’t get it or fail to understand what is being explained. They didn’t understand why she had been banned from PE ( which was excruciating for her as she lived sport) and that the consultant at Preston A&E might have been erring on the side of caution as she’d be out for 30 minutes

Thankfully no lasting affects for dd but I’m sure the teachers may listen more carefully in future

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 17:11

No one with ANY consideration of pupils needs and welfare thinks the first day back from any kind of major injury or illness is a good time to assess a child's progress. FFS.

Had they gone an done it without asking I really would have been reading school the riot act

OP posts:
tiredgirly · 19/10/2018 17:16

If they don't do it on the first day back, people will have told her whats on it.

PinguDance · 19/10/2018 17:19

Quite possible this teacher doesn’t know how serious your daughter’s condition is or have many details of her staged return. Also could be this is a routine test she needs for data entry or something and her manager is asking her for it and is equally unaware how how unwell your daughter is.

I don’t understand why some pps are so incensed by this. Just say no she can’t do it.

Dermymc · 19/10/2018 17:20

Conveniently ignoring the question of "does the teacher know its her first day back?"

A polite reply informing the teacher it's your birthday dds

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 17:20

Unless she's back in schoolover half term.... Hmm
I think the first monday back after half term is pretty clear

OP posts:
PinguDance · 19/10/2018 17:23

I’m guessing it’s a HT 1 progress test or something of the sort and the teacher wants to get it done on the first day back so she can join the rest of the class in the new topic for HT2?

SofiaAmes · 19/10/2018 17:31

noblegiraffe and tiredgirly clearly neither of you have ever had the experience of what it actually looks like to have a child in hospital. Not everyone is lucky enough to have healthy children. "Hospital School" is at best an hour or two and in my experience is really a token gesture to meet legal requirements for educating a child. This is not because a child is sat around in a plaster doing nothing. Since when has a child in a plaster ever been kept in hospital without other far more serious issues. Or "routine tests" involve weeks in the hospital. In my ds' case, when he was hospitalized, he was in extreme pain, often without an obvious treatable cause and frequently accompanied by an exhaustion that meant that he slept 22 hours a day (I am not exaggerating).
I don't understand this disregard for the well being of someone simply because they are a child. If it was an adult in hospital getting emails from work asking them to take care of something, all of you would be up at arms on the OP's behalf.

Thisreallyisafarce · 19/10/2018 17:41

Although I agree that the first day back isn't ideal for assessing her progress, I don't think it is as catastrophic a happening as it is being made out to be here. I would have emailed asking - not demanding - that it be put back a week.

What I think people here are failing to appreciate is that teachers in most schools these days are not in charge of assessment. They generally don't get to pick and choose whether (and increasingly when) assessments are going to take place.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 19/10/2018 17:43

Did the school respond?

PinguDance · 19/10/2018 17:46

@SofiaAmes obv I don’t know If the teacher is just being thoughtless in this case as I don’t know what they know but if a child is ‘off’ the teacher may not know they are in hospital, may not know they are having hospital school, and may have just been told - so and so is back first day after half term. Really schools are very cagey about this sort of info and there aren’t details out on the system to say ‘having hopistal school’ etc. So, as we recently had, a girl had to be off for two weeks after having her tonsils out (I know that cos she told me, not cos it was ‘officially’ communicated to me). Doing a routine test on her first day back wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 17:52

Not yet. I'm surprised tbh. I wouldn't expect to get a reply now until.... The day she's back! Under the circumstances not ideal

OP posts:
brighteyeowl17 · 19/10/2018 17:52

Not defending the school BUT I have been asked to get kids to do this because data is due in etc.... so before you blow up at the teacher it’s probably not them pushing for it it’s probably the head of department.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 19/10/2018 17:53

My daughter ‘had’ to do a full rake of end of year assessments after being off for a full half-term due to mental health breakdown. Unsurprisingly to me, she was shit, school we’re surprised. Apparently “she always seems to have everything together...”

Good luck with school, I hope they’re amenable to an reschedule when they reply.

Original poster
Stanmorevisit · 19/10/2018 17:57

SofiaAmes thank you for the support

OP posts: