To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

*Today 11:45 Lethaldrizzle

As far as I'm aware colouring in does not give kids a dopamine hit in the same way technology does. Not really comparable at all. Same with reading.*

Screens themselves don’t give any kind of dopamine hit. It depends what you’re watching. Watching Peopa pig on iPlayer is no different to watching it on TV (apart, I guess from potential eyesight issues from a small screen) watching YouTube, yes, your children might experience a dopamine hit. But it’s not a screen issue

But would you judge seeing a child you didn’t know in McDonalds ON ONE OCCASION bumsexatthebingo, because that’s what OP is doing

Most people will judge when kids aren’t being looked after very well - even if it’s just to themselves.

They're playing on an iPad not juggling knives while their parents snort meth off the pushchair handlebars.

Next time you see this op, I'd suggest going over to the family and giving them your excellent parenting views. I'm sure they will be well received
No, seriously, I'd just keep my nose out. Everyone gets to have a little break.

Ok i'll let peppa pig off, but video games are addictive. Social media is addictive. Tech is addictive. Lets not downplay that. Whilst my kids brains are still developing, I'd rather limit their screen time.

No I wouldn’t isolate any one person because it’s possible that’s the family the op saw never usually use screens. It’s not likely though and judging the general trend of younger and younger kids being allowed to overuse screens to the detriment of their brain development is as valid a judgment as anything imo.
Kids being raised who can’t sit in a car, in a waiting room etc without a screen in front of them is awful parenting and just setting them up to be bored with the slow pace of real life and depressed.
So many kids starting school these days can’t hold a pencil, use scissors, have poor social skills and attention but are IPad experts. It isn’t a huge problem and if it more people did judge and it became less socially acceptable to shove a screen in front of your kid for a quiet life I think it would be a good thing tbh.

*it is a huge problem

I would class juggling knives and snorting meth as more than ‘not looking after your kids very well’. The examples I used were more similar to the low level neglect of using an IPad as a dummy and things a lot of people would judge others for.

Toddler don’t really play video games. They’re just watching tv on the screens.

Maybe Peppa pig is the gateway drug to the harder stuff

I’ve seen many a toddler clutching an iPad/phone and excessive tv is just as bad imo. Have you not seen the iPad clips you can get now for pushchairs and baby swings? Heaven forbid a child actually be allowed to look at the world around them and interact with an adult.
It’s not just the damaging effect on the brain it’s the moving around and interacting they should be doing that they are missing out on while they sit and stare at screens which leads to developmental delays.

But you’re extrapolating the fact that life now makes it easier to carry around an iPad with children sitting in front of them all their waking hours like zombies. And that just isn’t the case.
It’s ridiculous to say that using screens leads if development delays. It’s so simplistic and overly dramatic it’s untrue.

I find this thread so disappointing. You know what? My children are at nursery 10 hours a day. During that time they practise very strict table manners, they’re learning and developing and both have been way ahead of their age in these respects due to nursery.

Because they don’t go near a tv 10 hours a day we tend to be more relaxed about screen usage evenings and weekends.

However, what’s the point in me telling you that? If you can’t judge the ipads you’ll judge the 10 hours a day in nursery and being taught social skills by SHOCK someone else. Even though, it’s exactly how I know the screen time my children do have isn’t damaging.

Women just can’t win- there is always an insecure mean girl on the sidelines waiting to rip you down. It’s so disappointing.

@Caprisunorange perfectly worded!

Judgey parents are the effing worst!

I’m not sure why you’re making it about yourself. If you don’t overuse screens that’s great but the research shows that most children do and the effects on children’s speech development etc are well documented.

Its their holiday, maybe the kids wanted to watch their tablets and the adults wanted to enjoy a meal without worrying about kids running about or being wingey (probably exhausted after swimming all day). Holidays are about doing what you want.

They have been together every second of every day on holiday so not talking to each other for 1 hour whilst they eat some food is not going to kill them.

Plus I would prefer this if they are the type of children to really act up in a restaurant.

My son has PTSD and massive rages. By the time we sit down to eat at the end of the day we're often both exhausted and he just wants his ipad. I don't care. I need the break too. You can judge me all you want but I am far from lazy. I spend more time at appointments, hospitals, school conferences than many parents on here ever will.(which is a good thing!) If you think I'm lazy after an hour or so of being screamed at and being physically attacked because he has an ipad at dinner then that's your issue. You know nothing of these people's lives.

Where is the research to show most children overuse screens?

My point is most parents are like me, allowing it for their own good reasons. Reasons you don’t know about, and couldn’t imagine, because you’re so bloody narrow minded

It's getting increasingly obvious to me that people nowadays obtain superiority by putting down other people.

Judge all you want to - sure you're totally unreasonable, but you already know that you've got no idea about other people's lives, and certainly not enough to set yourself up as moral judge over their mealtime. If judging and feeling superior makes you feel happier then god knows you must need it.

I'll be over here with my autistic (not that it's any of your business) kids and do whatever it takes for everyone to get through a meal together without it causing too much anxiety for anyone (including the other diners). Though if I catch you giving me a disapproving look, I hope you're prepared to give a good answer when I ask you what your problem is.

Caprisunorange Sounds like the voice of reason. Fact is that our children will grow up probably using screens more than scissors and holding a pencil. The world has moved on. Where exactly is the study on detriment to brain development.

I went to a safe online seminar recently and the lady was very very clear that research suggested that it’s not how long they spend in front of the screen but what they do. If you saw my 6 year old out with us on a weekend you would probably see him with a screen in a restaurant. We always bring it. Before the food comes out we use it as a chance to catch up on timestables practice, mathletics or similar as he does so much sports in the week we only have time for spellings and reading. If he finishes his set tasks he can do what he likes until his food comes out. After desert if we are still having a coffee or a cocktail he is allowed to use it again.

It’s ridiculous to judge other people’s parenting. Raise your own kids

Agree Lndnmummy - the amount of times the DC check up online on the definition of a word when we're having an interesting chat :)

Sorry I;m a bit late to the discussion but screens at the table are a big bugbear of mine. We were on holiday abroad and there were many tables where mum and dad were on phones with kids often wearing headsets using devices too. I even saw one couple where the girl had her phone propped up on a kind of stand so that she could eat with one hand whilst using her phone with the other .
On another occasion two lovely little girls were goint around the restaurant trying to talk to the other diners as their own parents were too engrossed in their phones to interact with them. More worryingly, they could have quite easily wandered off as it was an open-fronted place and I don't think the parents would even have noticed.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I despair when I see this sort of thing.

BumsexAtTheBingo my son has developmental delays and he doesn't use an ipad and probably watches less television than the children of all the judgy types on here.

I thought the whole point of holidays is spending quality time together? This is the one time we DON’T look at our phones and spend all our mealtimes together & chatting - in the week when we are at work/picking kids up from clubs/school/all the usual routine stuff we often have to eat at different times and then I’ll let them watch tv while they eat. But holidays are not for phones - that makes me sad. And yeah, I would judge!

We have an ipad for our toddler loaded with paw patrol and firemen sam. It was an absolute God send on the plane and during evening meals. About only times we used it but it made the whole holidays really enjoyable ESPECIALLY the flight. So judge away but I'm sure if you were on that plane/in that restaurant with us you would have been judging noise and tantrums if not for an ipad..