To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

Yep they're good for that too

Heaven forbid a child actually be allowed to look at the world around them and interact with an adult.
It’s not just the damaging effect on the brain it’s the moving around and interacting they should be doing that they are missing out on while they sit and stare at screens which leads to developmental delays.

This is a just a little hysterical.

What are the figures on the number of young people who suffer from mental health issues and feel unable to talk to their family?

I saw a survey the other day but can't remember the details.

Perhaps it's because the family doesn't except conversation. Virtually every society in the world values sitting together and sharing food. It is a cross cultural expectation to be able to sit together, break bread and converse. This spreads across most (not all) societies through out history.

But we can abandon this vital piece of culture because, your know, screens?

If you can’t come on a discussion forum and share your opinions then what’s the point? Of course I wouldn’t say anything to a family using a screen when I’m out because for all I know they are one of the tiny minority for whom it’s a lifeline. But that doesn’t include 90% of any given public space.
I don’t agree with everyone’s different and ‘whatever works for your family hun xxxx’ because I’ve worked in Early Years for a long time and excessive screen use certainly doesn’t ‘work’ for kids who have poor motor skills, poor attention, poor social skills and poor speech due to excessive screen use.

Oh and let’s not forget the children who simply don’t know how to play unless IPads are available. Kids who just wander around aimlessly only pausing to ask if they can go on the IPad. This is becoming increasingly common. And when you ask their parents what they do at home for some idea of their interests they say some variation of
they don’t really play with toys anymore they just like YouTube’.

Yeah but this is all based on someone looking at people they don't know and making assumptions based on that. I'll bet there are plenty of threads on here of people complaining about being judged by someone who doesn't know them.
Opinions are based on FACTS and the FACT is no one knows the dynamics of this particular family.
What's worse are the posters judging the family from second hand information! It's one thing for the OP who was actually there to judge them. But for people reading it to judge them?
I'm starting to think that screens aren't the indicators of society's decline.

Well no-one can judge that family specifically but if no-one shared an opinion about screens and mealtimes it would be a very short thread wouldn’t it.

"The majority of kids with or without sn can’t wait without all singing and dancing flashing entertainment without going into a rage at the low stimulation of real life because it’s all they’ve known and that is down to parent."

For many kids with sn who use them it is not about not being able to wait but about having something that helps them cope with the over stimulating environment around them.

I mean sure do it if it makes you feel warm inside or superior I guess.

They are probably just eating their own dinner unaware of your judgement. And if you are making them aware with your cats bum mouth and rolly eyes then I guess that's fine too if again it brings you joy?

Strange way to go about your hols but yeah, enjoy it I 'spose

Have you considered just being content knowing you are doing a good job with your own children without handwringing angst and concern for random kids you've seen a snippet of?

Been at work all day and am only just able to reply to someone calling me a lier - so sorry for the out of sync-ness.. to this reply** but cannot let it pass.

They have all had iPhones/iPads for Xmas/birthdays since they were small

CarolDanvers
Well they certainly have not as they weren’t widely available and/ or an affordable option twenty years ago. So you didn’t make use of a resource that wasn’t even actually available when your children were younger and this supposedly makes you a better parent? Sure

It appears you lack logic as well as reason. You asked for the ages of my children and I precisely told you. Eldest 23 down to youngest 14. Eldest got an iPad when they came out in 2010. She was 12. The others have had them since they were 9/10 . As they are now teenagers this occurred 'when they were small' .
I would not buy an iPad for a child younger than 9 anyway. I would be grateful if you didn't make sarcastic remarks doubting the veracity of my posts. You are not the boss of 'right'. It is a forum for opinions. The fact that I believe dumping kids nt/sn is lazy parenting doesn't make me right or you wrong or vice versa. It's an opinion for people to take of leave as they please without insinuating others are lying.

And what happens SockWomble when that child doesn't have access to technology. It's the reason why we have never or will never allow a screen to pacify our SN child. (Although he is now an adult) . He has to learn to do that himself and the people around him have to learn that sometimes there are people about with special needs who may kick, scream (in my DS case ) spit. If we just give in to the technological cosh 'for a quiet life' what are we teaching them - and those around them ? That everyone must be silenced ?

No screens at the table. Take that time to teach how to manage situations you don't like. Life isn't always about doing something you want to do and having a pacifier to hand when you are hacked off. It teaches nothing.

The fact that I believe dumping kids nt/sn is lazy parenting doesn't make me right or you wrong or vice versa.

No, but it does make you very rude.

No, but it does make you very rude

Or entirely correct.

Sorry, I thought, as Fontofallknowledge said that, It's an opinion

My opinion

When we were on holiday last month, we came across a similar situation. Hotel restaurant sounded very much as described by the OP. In this case there was a couple and one child - a baby in a high chair (at an estimate somewhere between 10 -14 months old).

I saw them a number of times during the week we were there. Every time, the baby sat with a dummy in, and with a phone propped up on the high chair tray playing cartoons of some kind. She must have been fed separately because I never saw her with any food, except for a whole apple, which she never attempted to eat but occasionally dropped on the floor. There was absolutely no engagement between child and parents, except that the apple was picked up and given back to her when she dropped it, and the phone was replaced if it fell flat.

I found it deeply depressing.

Only acceptable if you are eating alone.

Believing someone is rude for voicing a standpoint that is contrary to yours is a bizarre and bonkers 'opinion'

Do you normally call people who don't agree with you 'rude'. ?
Are all those who voted in/out 'rude' for not following your way of thinking over the referendum ?
Are people who are pro-life /pro choice 'rude' for not agreeing with you ?

Very peculiar.

No, of course not.

But talk of dumping kids and lazy parenting.....that is rude.

I am on a train . I have travelled from far south to Aberdeen today. On the Kingscross London leg I sat adjacent to a mum and two kids. Daughter was 9 and other dd about 3.
In this case the little one didn't have a screen. The 9 yr old did.
Mum and Older daughter did not exchange a single word from the moment they took their seats until the train was pulling in to Newcastle station.
The little one was on mums lap . She wriggled and begged for attention for the whole three hours. Mother just kept moving her up up, to the side, over the top of her and finally slapped her when she tried to move the phone out of the mothers gaze.

It is horrifically depressing . A really really shit parenting. This is just today. I don't care if she had a shitty day or if everyone has special needs. BEFORE screens , this type of disregard for children didn't happen. People need to get a grip. Especially parents of younger children who need their parents to TALK to them. Is it really so hard ?

hazeyjane - do you not think episodes like I have witnessed today are shit parenting ? If not then I will bow out as we have way different standards.
Since when are facts 'rude'

We never do at home, and we eat at the table every day. It's a time to have a proper chat about stuff and sometimes it's about boring stuff like school (cue yawns from the kids) and other times some silly fact about animals farts or something, but we talk. But sometimes when we go out for a meal it's because we grown ups want to, not because the kids do, or it's a bit later than usual so as a compromise we let them have their ipads at the table after the food is finished (not during, though). Without knowing the family personally you can't tell whether that's a regular fixture or not.

What you describe indeed sounds shit.

BEFORE screens , this type of disregard for children didn't happen. This is just not true.

My generation were the first to have TV dinners. I still know quite a few families who do this.

We eat at table at home always have done. When the kids were small, they used to watch movies on their phones in restaurants while waiting for food and after they had eaten. It was late, they were tired (particularly if we'd been on holiday) and it helped them not get screamy/hyper in public. Sometimes they did colouring, sometimes they had finger puppet, whatever worked, really. My 10 year old has her own smart phone (sees OP have an attack of the vapours), was a very early talker and is top of the class in literacy. She also has impeccable manners.

I think phone and screen addiction is very real and very scary. You only have to look at the school gates or any where really we're all just glued to our screens... Endless scrolling, checking for messages, browsing.. All sorts of situations, old and young. When you stop and look around at how many people are in phones it's depressing