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Original poster

To be judgy about screens at the table?

358 replies

PiperPublickOccurrences · 18/10/2018 20:03

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 19/10/2018 14:41

I could judge you ( I don't) for letting your children watch tv whilst they eat at home because we don't do that.

Elementtree · 19/10/2018 14:43

That doesn't make any sense to me shabooh. So you regularly allow your DC screens at the table when it is convenient to you but you judge when other parents allow their DC to have screens at the table when it is convenient to them, based only on your own ideas of what people should be doing on their holidays?

Honestly, this attitude is batshit and really does smack of searching for reasons to claim moral superiority over others.

penisbeakers · 19/10/2018 14:44

Mind your own business!

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2018 15:03

On the plane is ok. As long as headphones in.

Krakant · 19/10/2018 15:25

These judgy comments just shows the attitudes that makes life more difficult for a family with SEN. I hope you're all proud of yourselves knowing that your smug attitudes go some way towards making life for these families just a little bit more shit.

And don't try the old 'Oh but I'd never say anything, I'm entitled to my opinions and I keep them to myself!' crap - coming on here and spouting off about it is not keeping it to yourself.

I'm sure some families do excessively use electronic devices to entertain the kids, but you don't know who the recipient of your judgement is - guess what? Not all disabilities are visible.

Ifoundanacorn · 19/10/2018 15:45

No one is allowed a screen at the table, inc us the parents and most adults we know wouldn't sit there on a phone anyway and the dc know not to even ask, dinners are for socialising and talking and being involved.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2018 15:48

I'm assuming most of the kids I saw on holiday did not have sn, just stastically speaking

Ifoundanacorn · 19/10/2018 15:48

When I see other children on screens I don't judge them (It is not my place and I don't know what the circumstances are) but I do feel sorry for the children more than anything, their parents are choosing to ignore them and they are growing up zero social skills for the future.

Dinner together is an excellent time to enjoy being with your children.

GunpowderGelatine · 19/10/2018 15:52

No one is allowed a screen at the table, inc us the parents and most adults we know wouldn't sit there on a phone anyway and the dc know not to even ask, dinners are for socialising and talking and being involved.

I imagine that adults also aren't usually very tired and grumpy by main courses, prone to tantrums and have the attention span of a goldfish, and are liable to throw a massive tantrum in the middle of a restaurant.

havingabadhairday · 19/10/2018 15:58

@Iaimtomisbehave1

If they can't behave for a meal without getting their hands on a screen then they're a kid who is used to having it all the time.

Not true at all! DS doesn't use his tablet often, but we did use it occasionally when out and waiting for food when he went through a phase of apparently being completely unable to sit still for more than about 3 minutes. Colouring in didn't help because he didn't really like it, two seconds scribbling and he'd be done.

To be honest, we avoided eating out as much as we could for a while. When we couldn't avoid it, we did what we could to reduce the stress.

EwItsAHooman · 19/10/2018 16:05

I'm assuming most of the kids I saw on holiday did not have sn, just stastically speaking

The point is that you can't tell which do and which don't, that's why you shouldn't judge any.

MsSquiz · 19/10/2018 16:14

Maybe they have spent all day playing together, swimming, interacting, doing activities or day trips, and their way to relax at dinner time is to play a game or watch their favourite cartoon?

Why is everyone so keen to judge everyone else? I don't get it.

In July, DH and I (child free) went on holiday abroad with BIL, SIL and their 3 kids (Nephew 5 years old and twins 18 months) we spent each day swimming, playing crazy golf, at the beach making sandcastles, playing with the kids in the park. But when it came to tea time, once the kids had eaten their dinner, the oldest would be allowed to play on his Nintendo Switch and the twins would be allowed to watch an episode of their favourite programme and us adults would get 20 or 30 mins to eat our food with the kids content to stay at the table with us.

Sockwomble · 19/10/2018 16:19

All these people unable to understand that what works for their family may not work for others. It's sad really.
I spend lots of time with my child so I don't need to make a big fuss about eating out.

OutPinked · 19/10/2018 16:23

I try my best not to judge snapshots of strangers lives now because I’m certain other people will have seen some pretty shit parenting moments from myself! Nobody is perfect and everyone has bad days.

This may not be their usual parenting style. Perhaps they spent the entire day interacting with their DC and they just wanted some relaxed downtime so this was the equivalent to sticking the TV on for an hour in the evening. No harm done really.

TheCag · 19/10/2018 16:24

I really wouldn't judge another family on holiday for doing this. I don't know anything about them, who knows how their day has been?

Having said that, for our family our number 1 most fundamental rule at home is no technology at the table, so in normal home life it's very important to me that we spend meal times together.

hazeyjane · 19/10/2018 16:28

....if it more people did judge and it became less socially acceptable to shove a screen in front of your kid for a quiet life I think it would be a good thing tbh.

Judging For The Good Of Society....well done.

The hysteria on this thread is fab.

LaurieMarlow · 19/10/2018 16:36

Rather than judging individuals I think you can regret, in a general sense, that this is where society is heading.

For all the valid points on this thread about SEN and being just a snapshot, a quick look around a restaurant shows you it's becoming more 'normal' behaviour, for NT children.

I don't think that's great, personally. But I appreciate that, apart from keeping my own children away from it, it's not my issue.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2018 16:43

Hysteria?! and there was me thinking people were just having an interesting debate Hmm

cheesytatty · 19/10/2018 16:44

I'm amazed that the op was able to assess these kids as having no additional needs solely by sitting near them in a restaurant. That really is a special talent.

Itsnotabingthingisit · 19/10/2018 16:51

Once saw a dad set up a tablet at a table for a kid...in a softplay. I thought that sort of defeated the objective going there.

I would say mealtimes are when you can do a bit of device bargaining with kids. Eat your tea then you get your tablet out.

I think if you have kids certain things become a bonus..like having an adult conversation without being interrupted and without using the old YouTube dummy.

Holidays with kids are stressful, but you have to remember that - unless you are really unlucky - you will have a good couple of hours ' adult' time after the kids have gone be to bed.

Of you course you will spend that time on your own separate devices, not talking to each other.

havingabadhairday · 19/10/2018 16:55

Holidays with kids are stressful, but you have to remember that - unless you are really unlucky - you will have a good couple of hours ' adult' time after the kids have gone be to bed.

I'm one of those who is a bit unlucky on that front. And wearing DS out to the point he'll sleep at a reasonable time means I'm also exhausted and want to go to sleep at the same time!

RangeRider · 19/10/2018 16:56

If the modern world is everyone staring at a screen whilst ignoring one another in real life and not even bothering to engage with your children at dinner, then sure... I'd like to go back in time.
Ditto.
Surely on holiday you're either talking about what you've done that day and how good it was, or talking about what you're going to do later on / the next day? A whole family conversation? Like you would at home at mealtimes? Or do people sit on their screens at home too? I don't see why the behaviour should be much different - just quieter when you're out. You should still be sat down and still having civilised interaction. There's no need to run around, and no need to shout or look at a screen. It's not that long ago that I was a child and we were expected to sit properly and either be silent or talk quietly. You got up to go to the toilet or at the end of the meal to leave. And that was the norm everywhere I went. I despair that it isn't anymore.

April2020mom · 19/10/2018 17:15

I take a bag of distractions with me. No phones are allowed when eating out. My bag of tricks include crayons and some toys or books for all three children. I’ve also asked for activity sheets for my step child. When I was little I used to play act during meals out or talk with people. If they behave as appropriate they get ice cream at home for dessert. We use the time to make small talk and practice communication skills as well.

Senac32 · 19/10/2018 17:15

When I first read the thread title I thought it was going to be about actual physical screens, separating one family member from those on either side. Like a small room divider.
But in fact techie screens do the same thing.

Sockwomble · 19/10/2018 17:18

Yes the good old crayons. Always a winner for eating or throwing.

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