The great magnum row

[ilikemagnums]

DH and I went with his children to his parents earlier today. His parents gave all the kids a cornetto type ice-cream.

Then after dinner DH brings out a bowl of ice lollies and ice creams for them to chose from; included were my magnums. As is obvious, all the kids picked the magnums.

I was peed off with DH. Firstly because they were my magnums. Petty, I realise, but it's nice to have something to myself that isn't ransacked by kids. There were plenty of other things to choose from.

Secondly, I didn't think he should be giving them a second ice cream.

When I told DH all of the above he got shitty with me. Asked me when the last time I ate one of the magnums was, etc. And then said 'if I want to give them an ice cream then I will.'

Well that's fine. But he's always actively trying to get me involved in hands on parenting with them. Yet, when it's something he doesn't agree with, the default seems to be, essentially, it's none of my business.

AIBU

An adult making all this fuss over some bloody cheap supermarket ice-creams. I just don't get it

The monetary value is irrelevant.
You say you just don't get it and therein lies the problem. Her DP doesn't get it either and therefore it's assumed she's wrong and he is right.
The kids had enough choices and had already had ice cream but no mention of their greed?

If there are other equal treats in the house for others ...

But the children all chose the Magnums, so obviously didn't see them as equal.

And presumably the other ice-creams are still left, so the OP can have go and have another equal treat - therefore, nothing to complain about.

Or... she buys less nice stuff for the kids to have and keeps the nice stuff all to herself? I don't know. But it's either equal or its not - if its equal to the kids, then its equal to OP.

But... it's still just cheap, easily replaceable ice-cream, that presumably the OP wasn't going to eat the full box of in one evening.

Anyone old enough to remember Ben Elton's Fridge Bastards: "It was only a sausage" "IT WAS MY SAUSAGE!!!"

@LittleMissMarker 

Was meant to be  too

Why is Mumsnet not showing my empanadas?!

Fml! Emojis! It's only 8.30am here, I promise I'm not drunk!

I can understand you being pissed off that they were your Magnums. We each have our own treats in our house. YANBU there. YABU to think that one more ice cream will lead to adult obesity. My DC have very junky days and then no junk for weeks. It's called being relaxed about food.

fifi please put your empanadas away. Nobody wants to see them.

its fine if you want to be tight and not share, but dressing it up as concern for their diet is pathetic.

Oh ffs!
I have treats in the house that are for me only. Kids get thier own treats. We might share now and again but if they have eaten theirs they can sod off wanting mine too.

Nothing to stop you having a treat just for you, the clue is in the word 'treat'.

Dp had no business handing out something that belonged to someone else to his kids. They don't need to have everything in the freezer someone else bought for themselves. How about teaching them they arent entitled to everything? If my friend buys herself a treat i dont expect her to give it to me just because i am at her house! (Something he needs to learn too.)

This can't only be about magnums, you even said there are more magnums in the freezer that they didn't pick.

Find it hard to believe some families share everything. So, is it Ok if your teenager daughter borrows your best jacket without asking? Or your perfume? Or takes a nice bottle of wine from your cupboard? Or is it just food that must be shared at all costs?

We have a secret adult bar of ‘naice’ chocolate in our house. Neither of us would hand it out to the kids. They get their own treats and buy plenty more with their pocket money - they don’t need our one measly bar of decent chocolate that we keep as an adult treat. I don’t think that makes us mean. Or the OP for wanting to keep an adult treat for adults.

My teenage daughter could absolutely borrow my jacket (but I'd expect her to ask, and she wouldn't want to anyway given how totally uncool I am), she did in fact, ask and use some of my perfume this morning. Of course she's not allowed alcohol - but because its inappropriate because she's 13, not because I won't share. My husband and I do share alcohol, and we would, of course, share it with visiting family or guests.

No-one in this house, adult or child, gets to reserve the best of something, or all of something all for themselves. If we bought a chocolate bar, or a multipack of treats, it would be shared amongst whoever wanted it, because anything else would be selfish. We buy enough "naice" treats for everyone to have a share, why would we only buy nice stuff for half of the household? No one in our house is entitled to more or worth more than anyone else.

We all choose our own treats. DD has Oreo doughnuts, DS2 has Maltesers and B&J's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, I have spelt and fig flatbreads and shortbread stars, DH has Cornettos. These are what we've chosen, so we don't share because we all like different things.

@PhilomenaButterfly his taste in ice cream is lacking

Well, he went off Phish Food.

Spelt and fig flatbreads? Yabvvu.

He went OFF it?

He's fickle.

Spelt and fig flatbreads are delicious with Welsh rarebit.

Zzzzz - if that was to me, everyone has different tastes in this house too. If we bought all the treats in enough quantities for everyone it would cost a fortune and we’d all be fat. So, the kids get their preferred treats and we buy ourselves one 100g bar of chocolate a week that DH and I share after the children are in bed. We don’t really drink alcohol or have any other vices so it’s one small adult treat. I think the kids will cope just fine

Zzzzz - if that was to me, everyone has different tastes in this house too. If we bought all the treats in enough quantities for everyone it would cost a fortune and we’d all be fat. So, the kids get their preferred treats and we buy ourselves one 100g bar of chocolate a week that DH and I share after the children are in bed. We don’t really drink alcohol or have any other vices so it’s one small adult treat. I think the kids will cope just fine

But surely a better way to do it, is to buy a selection of treats that everyone can help themselves to. If the children prefer other treats, then they are going to chose those, and you and your DH can chose your chocolate. If the children did fancy some of your chocolate bar instead of a different treat one week, why shouldn't they have some? And then you could have a different treat. As long as they are not eating more that their fair share, which is a whole different issue, then why take that choice away from them?

The issue with the OP is that the children clearly preferred the Magnums. She says so in her own OP "As is obvious, all the kids picked the magnums". So why not buy enough Magnums for everyone, if it is everyone's preferred choice? Why try to palm the kids off with something substandard that they like less, and keep the best stuff just for her? It sends a very clear message that the OP thinks her husbands children are not worthy of the best treats, and that's a really unhealthy attitude to have towards your step children.

Well maybe because magnums are adult sized treats? I see the point with a big bar of chocolate which can be shared appropriate to size, but we don't know what age DC are and I think a full size magnum is too much for a small child. So yes, when my DC were smaller, things like magnums were not for them unless it was the mini ones. There would be plenty of equivalent treats for children.

I don't see anything wrong with having things retained for adults anyway to be fair. When DC are buying their own treats with their own pocket money or earnings then they get first choice. Sometimes they don't appreciate the more expensive things any more than cheaper. My DC are teenagers now and are welcome to have whatever they want in the house and if we buy steak, we get steaks for everyone as they enjoy and appreciate them. When younger they would have wasted a good steak so they would have chicken or lamb chops or something else that they would enjoy equally or more. It works both ways, DC appreciate labels and top end tech, DH and I are not fussed, so they get the things they like and DH and i get cheaper things as we wouldn't value those higher cost things.

If the children did fancy some of your chocolate bar instead of a different treat one week, why shouldn't they have some?

It's not theirs.
They don't have to have what they want just because they want it.
They have their own preferred treats.

Just like in our house.