The great magnum row

[ilikemagnums]

DH and I went with his children to his parents earlier today. His parents gave all the kids a cornetto type ice-cream.

Then after dinner DH brings out a bowl of ice lollies and ice creams for them to chose from; included were my magnums. As is obvious, all the kids picked the magnums.

I was peed off with DH. Firstly because they were my magnums. Petty, I realise, but it's nice to have something to myself that isn't ransacked by kids. There were plenty of other things to choose from.

Secondly, I didn't think he should be giving them a second ice cream.

When I told DH all of the above he got shitty with me. Asked me when the last time I ate one of the magnums was, etc. And then said 'if I want to give them an ice cream then I will.'

Well that's fine. But he's always actively trying to get me involved in hands on parenting with them. Yet, when it's something he doesn't agree with, the default seems to be, essentially, it's none of my business.

AIBU

@Polkadot1502 but that's not what the OP did. The DC had already had an ice cream, and her DP went and got her Magnums, that they knew nothing about and gave them to them. He was being pass agg.

I'd rather my kids had one and left me with none than do that!

If you were all starving and it was the last piece of bread, then yes,...you would feed your kids.
These are Magnums, OPs treat to herself. The kids had already had ice creams. How about teaching them about not being selfish?

You lured me in under false pretenses
I too thought Tom Selleck

No doubt posters will say yabu as its only a food item blah blah.

But I bet he'd be pissed off if you'd done same with HIS favourite treat!

Dd has driven me nuts on occasion taking and eating items I bought specifically for me - especially annoying when it's something she doesn't like, so she doesn't finish it and it just gets wasted!!

I'm agoraphobic with a variety of other health issues, I don't drink (meds), smoke, take drugs, so food treats are my only little luxury.

And I wouldn't call that hands off, I'd call that sensibly realising that as a step-parent there are boundaries that don't apply to parents.

All jokes aside, I too think it's good for kids to learn they aren't entitled to EVERYTHING they might want. That they have to consider others desires sometimes not just needs.

There's a big difference between how I feel about sharing and how I feel about someone else taking my stuff and sharing it out.

There's a big difference between how I feel about sharing my stuff and how I feel about someone else taking my stuff and sharing it out.

How many magnums do you need?
Could you not just go to the shop and buy some more? You weren't going to eat them all right then, right?
What would you say if the kids had the same attitude as you towards sharing?

What would you say if the kids had the same attitude as you towards sharing?

I don't take my children's stuff without asking. It's not about sharing it's about taking; and it's not the children who did the taking, it's the partner.

How are they "your" magnums, rather than "family" magnums? Were they bought with your birthday money or something? If they were bought with the family shop, then they are surely everyone's to share. It's very selfish to try to keep them all to yourself. Just bung another packet in with the weekly shop next week, and accept that they are for anyone in the family to eat.

YANBU OP. You’d be unreasonable if you were sat eating a magnum in front of them but what I think you’re saying is that the magnums are an ‘adult only’ treat for times when the kids aren’t there. No doubt your DH occasionally buys in some beers or similar and doesn’t expect to share them? Next time you have guests, bring out his stash and see how he feels about his ‘treats’ being shared without permission.

Not in my experience. Nothing to do with genitalia and everything to do with how you feel about sharing

I think it's important to share. I can be generous. However, that doesn't mean I have to share everything and anything I have is up for grabs.
I wouldn't take something that another has bought for themself and then guilt trip them by accusing them of not wanting to share.

How are they "your" magnums, rather than "family" magnums?

She told her DP she had bought them for herself. That's all it takes. If he wanted more for the family he could have asked her to get another box for sharing.

I'd never give young kids a magnum anyway, they're far too messy for them!

ask him to speak to the kids about it and he always says, 'if it bothers you, speak to them yourself.' Etc.

Does the "etc" include "and I'll back you up"? Because if it doesn't then it sounds as if he's setting you up for a fall.

She told her DP she had bought them for herself. That's all it takes. If he wanted more for the family he could have asked her to get another box for sharing.

Got to be said, if my DH came home from shopping with a multipack of treats that we all love, and said, "These are MINE, all for ME", I'd tell him to take a hike, and they were for everyone to share.

No one in our family gets to decide that whole multipacks of treat items bought in the family shop are all theirs, not to be shared, not adults or children. That kind of selfishness is not allowed in our house.

*Got to be said, if my DH came home from shopping with a multipack of treats that we all love, and said, "These are MINE, all for ME", I'd tell him to take a hike, and they were for everyone to share.

No one in our family gets to decide that whole multipacks of treat items bought in the family shop are all theirs, not to be shared, not adults or children. That kind of selfishness is not allowed in our house*

This. Grow up. If it's about something bigger than the ice creams then actually address that. If it's not then, get a grip.

Got to be said, if my DH came home from shopping with a multipack of treats that we all love, and said, "These are MINE, all for ME", I'd tell him to take a hike, and they were for everyone to share.No one in our family gets to decide that whole multipacks of treat items bought in the family shop are all theirs, not to be shared, not adults or children. That kind of selfishness is not allowed in our house*

Who said it was a family shop? No one in your house is allowed anything for themself? Not even if they bought something for themself?
There are family things, of course, but families are made up of individuals. To demand everyone shares everything regardless is not respecting a persons right to have their own stuff.
OP does share things. She is allowed something for herself.

Not to derail, but my local asda also charges over £3 for a box of magnums (my favourite are mint). Maybe it varies regionally?

What treat does your DP like for himself? Is it something you could share with the kids next time they visit?

YANBU
LTB
I would twat my other half with a Magnum if he gave my mint ones to the DCs. Especially when they'd had an ice cream already and the result would be hyper children.

Not even if they bought something for themself?

If they bought a whole mulitpack of ice -creams for themselves, out of their own personal money (say birthday money or something) then, yes, I would say they are technically "hers". However, firstly I think this would be unlikely, and secondly, I would still think it is petty not to share your cheap, entirely replaceable ice-cream with some children. It's not like she was going to sit and eat the whole box that night was it? Just go out tomorrow, or ask your DH to go out tomorrow, and replace your "birthday magnums" if that is indeed what they were, with another box of magnums bought from household money.

An adult making all this fuss over some bloody cheap supermarket ice-creams. I just don't get it.

4 for 50p in Iceland apparently. Fill your boots OP, and you'll never have to argue about Magnums again!

groceries.iceland.co.uk/magnum-classic-ice-cream-4-x-110ml/p/58419

So many people entirely missing the point in their rush to be sneery about the sodding cost of sodding magnums.

The point is he brought out a bowl with a selection of which magnums were one - therefore no need to include the magnums which he knew were OPs. He likely forgot but rather than just say that he got passive aggressive about her raising it. If there are other equal treats in the house for others its perfectly reasonable to have yours set to one side. Get yourself a big black permanent pen and write on the box.

I have a DH who's attitude to food is if its mine its mine and if there is anything else around its ours and fair game. DD and I regularly have to beat him up over eating our goodies when he scoffed his in the 5 mins following arrival of shopping in the house.

No, really I'm not.

The point is that it's just not important. There is an adult here having a strop that her partner gave his children some ice-cream from the freezer. There is no need for this to be blown out of proportion. It's not a big deal.

As a PP said, if the OP has another issue that she needs to address, then she needs to be an adult and discuss it with her OP. But the ice-creams themselves - a total non issue.