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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The great magnum row

189 replies

ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 16:59

DH and I went with his children to his parents earlier today. His parents gave all the kids a cornetto type ice-cream.

Then after dinner DH brings out a bowl of ice lollies and ice creams for them to chose from; included were my magnums. As is obvious, all the kids picked the magnums.

I was peed off with DH. Firstly because they were my magnums. Petty, I realise, but it's nice to have something to myself that isn't ransacked by kids. There were plenty of other things to choose from.

Secondly, I didn't think he should be giving them a second ice cream.

When I told DH all of the above he got shitty with me. Asked me when the last time I ate one of the magnums was, etc. And then said 'if I want to give them an ice cream then I will.'

Well that's fine. But he's always actively trying to get me involved in hands on parenting with them. Yet, when it's something he doesn't agree with, the default seems to be, essentially, it's none of my business.

AIBU

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/10/2018 17:19

Do you all live together?

I'd agree that there are different, more complicated norms around step parents, but it does sound like you are remarkably hands off and I think that would even further complicate situations like this...

Original poster
ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 17:19

@MissusGeneHunt I have no idea who that is Blush

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 14/10/2018 17:19

Make him go to the shop and replace them. I imagine he just didn't think - he saw ice cream and didn't consider that they were yours exclusively. If my kids ate my magnums, when they already had their oen stuff, I'd not be happy but from your dh's pov these things are a bit more emotionally loaded when you are talking about step families. He us seeing it as a resentment of his children, even if from your pov, it it really is only about the magnums.

If you don't want to be involved in actively parenting his dc, you need to talk to him about why. I think there is some conflict/misunderstanding going on here between the two of you.

MissusGeneHunt · 14/10/2018 17:20

@ilikemagnums.... Sorry! Fantastic 80s TV show... Google... Smile

Gottagetmoving · 14/10/2018 17:20

If it’s in the house it’s everyone’s

Bollocks!

And I wonder what the reaction would be if OP had eaten something he bought in for the kids?

ourkidmolly · 14/10/2018 17:22

Well 2 ice creams in an hour is ridiculous. That's the best part of 700 calories.

bridgetreilly · 14/10/2018 17:22

Get yourself some more magnums and get over it.

SputnikBear · 14/10/2018 17:22

if I want to give them an ice cream then I will
Is that his attitude towards all of your property and things you’ve bought for yourself? If he wants to give your stuff away, he will? Disgusting and selfish imo.

Original poster
ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 17:23

@AnchorDownDeepBreath no they don't live with us.

It depends what ones definition of hands off is I guess.

I don't like shouting at them but I'd tell them to put their phones away before crossing a road and to pay attention, etc.

I take turns with DH to do their laundry and cook their meals. I sorted a HP themed evening for them last night and made them all homemade butter beers, etc.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/10/2018 17:25

Ah @ilikemagnums I think that's pretty hands on then! You're more than doing enough; especially if they don't live with you.

Is he going to replace your magnums? I'd expect that at least; and probably an apology for being an arse! He had no need to offer them; really.

Bestseller · 14/10/2018 17:26

I'm not sure complaining about him giving them ice creams counts as getting involved in "hands on parenting".

I can't imagine having treats in the house that I wouldn't share, but it sounds like there's a much bigger issue at play here than ice cream.

Original poster
ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 17:27

@Bestseller we have plenty of treats available specifically for the children.

The magnums were mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 17:28

@AnchorDownDeepBreath I doubt it.

When I had a little moan about it; he told me to stop being a dick so clearly he thinks I'm in the wrong!

OP posts:
haba · 14/10/2018 17:28

Personally, I think magnums are too big for small children! Now DD is taller than me, I may need to come up with a new reason to keep them all to myself.... Wink

Chanelprincess · 14/10/2018 17:30

If it’s in the house it’s everyone’s.

Agree. I can't imagine having food in the house and not happily sharing it. That would be very selfish. How many ice creams the children should have is another matter entirely.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/10/2018 17:31

Magnums are God's way of compensating adult for all the tedious shit they have to contend with. Children haven't earned a Magnum.

I wouldn't stress about two ice-creams in one day as an occasional thing though, as long as they were cornetto-or-less level ices.

Original poster
ilikemagnums · 14/10/2018 17:32

@Chanelprincess they don't share their food with me.

Besides, as said previously, I always make sure I have plenty of nice treats and food in the house for them.

It's not like I'd sit there eating magnums in front of them.

OP posts:
LittleMissMarker · 14/10/2018 17:32

I would have said (away from the kids) "my magnum's aren't FGC so please don't offer them to the kids / if you're going to offer them to the kids then can you please replace them". That's disrespect for your stuff. Whether to give the kids two ice creams a day, and how much junk they eat over a weekend, is a different question. That's a parenting decision and if he's the one getting dessert then that's up to him. So I wouldn't have tried to complain about both at the same time.

WaxOnFeckOff · 14/10/2018 17:32

YADNBU!!

Who does the shopping? If he takes his share and is happy to restock then fine. Agree it's probably a bit much ice-cream/sugar in a day but if he wants to play Disney dad then that's up to him I suppose.

AdaColeman · 14/10/2018 17:34

YANBU to be cross abut your Magnums, I would be too. But it would have been much worse if they had eaten the raspberry Magnums.

You've learnt a valuable lesson today though, from now on hide your Magnums in an empty puff pastry box!

He was being a bit of a Disney Dad offering a second ice-cream. Do the children live with you? Who will be looking after them when they are on a sugar high later on?

How did you make your butter beer?

Urchinella · 14/10/2018 17:34

I find that hiding Magnums inside the frozen peas works pretty well.

diddl · 14/10/2018 17:35

I agree that there was no need for the kids to have them.

Apart from the fact that they'd already had an ice cream, there was other stuff they could have had.

If he'd proised them an ice cream at home without realising that that was all that there was, then OK, I think.

And the "if it had been there a while"-so what?

As long as it wasn't expiring!

ScreamingValenta · 14/10/2018 17:36

Just be thankful they weren't dark chocolate ones!

Poppyinagreenfield · 14/10/2018 17:36

There is nothing in life more important than a magnum. Don’t the little buggers have any morals. Don’t their parents teach them manners. Post a strongly worded note through their door with a bill.

Gronky · 14/10/2018 17:39

And the "if it had been there a while"-so what?

It demonstrates that the rate of consumption is at a level where it can be replaced without significant inconvenience.

they don't share their food with me.

I may be being old fashioned/out of touch here but do you not eat the same meals?

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