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AIBU?

MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:

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QOD · 14/10/2018 14:49

Dh home yet?

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legofriendly · 14/10/2018 14:50

SilverySurfer I deal with anxious people in my field of work. The majority are over 40.

Where did you read how old the OP is, I can’t find it?

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Thinkingofausername1 · 14/10/2018 14:50

@Onebiteofeverything my nan used to do that

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VioletCharlotte · 14/10/2018 14:51

Silvery I'm 43 and absolutely agree. I can completely sympathise with not liking people dropping in, especially when you're ill. But how hard is it to just tell them politely you're not well and it's not a good time? Crying in the bedroom seems like a total overreaction, unless there's a massive backstory here.

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legofriendly · 14/10/2018 14:51

SilverySurfer oops, found it in the OP. In their 30s.

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Banamara · 14/10/2018 14:52

All it takes is a bit of cop on and politeness. Phone or text to let your "host" know that you will be calling in.

What the heck is so wrong about having a bit of cop on and doing this?. But some feel "entitled" to just drop in any time and believe with all their hearts that the hosts will be absolutely delighted to see them!

I repeat it is a control thing. On yer toes at all times woman, you will never know when we will be at your door!

Awfully rude.

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reallybadidea · 14/10/2018 14:53

If you can't imagine why someone might cry at the thought of unexpected visitors then I think you lack imagination and empathy SilverySurfer.

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Banamara · 14/10/2018 14:54

Agree @ reallybadidea.

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Oddcat · 14/10/2018 14:55

It’s sad that you feel so upset by the IL’s just turning up , but , you did answer the door to them so can’t you just sit and make small talk for a while ?

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 14:55

reallybadidea

If you can't imagine why someone might cry at the thought of unexpected visitors then I think you lack imagination and empathy

Really? You think crying is normal behaviour when someone turns up unannounced?

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legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:00

Imagine having a life where you never know when your privacy will be interrupted. If you’re asleep, ill, sad, tired, having fun, being peaceful, watching a favourite tv programme, got a face pack on, having a bath, on the loo... yet society expects if someone knocks, you are to answer to them. Approximately half the posters on this thread have been conditioned to do that!

Those that are saying “ they’re your family” no they’re not. That’s a social convention that many don’t agree with. The DH and any children are her family. But even if they were, so what. A home should be a sanctuary for those so inclined. Not an open door.

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Banamara · 14/10/2018 15:02

GreaDuck,

Sometimes an unannounced visitor can be the straw to break the camel's back. OP is unwell, DH is missing in action, IL's turn up unnannounced.

I think I would bloody well want to cry also.

Step in someone else's shoes now and then, oh those of you with such perfectly organised and at all times welcoming lives!

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legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:02

GreatDuckCookery

Really? You think crying is normal behaviour when someone turns up unannounced?

If that person scares me, of course it is a normal reaction.

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carbuncleonapigsposterior · 14/10/2018 15:03

Yes I agree reallybadidea, I too think you lack empathy SilverySurfer and I'm probably the same age demographic as you. The OP is completely entitled to feel the way she does, we are not all the same, some people do not like unannounced visits and she isn't feeling well for heaven's sake. The PIL are thoughtless and frankly rude and I'd say she need to get her husband to have a word with them. I think some of the posters have castigated the poster unfairly. It's an imposition to land oneself on anyone unannounced, unless there's a particularly good reason to do so.

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Banamara · 14/10/2018 15:04

lego,

You have nailed it for those who do not like random intrusions in our lives by others with no cop on. Others may be different, but that is not the cohort we are discussing. Thank you.

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MrsExpo · 14/10/2018 15:06

For goodness sake, get a grip, make them a cuppa and get on with your day (in the kitchen ...). Tell them DH won't be back for ages: they may take the hint and leave. If they start causing a scene, show them the door.

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 15:07

Not enough info from OP tbh.

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Monkeytoad · 14/10/2018 15:12

Lego - absolutely spot on!

It's interesting, I did some 'personality profiling' through an employer (Myers Briggs) and there are plenty of people who don't like unannounced visitors (me for one!), let alone situations like OP's where she is scared of them and there has obviously been other issues.

I'm surprised how many people are so unfeeling and think OP needs to 'get a grip'.

Hugs OP

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GreenTulips · 14/10/2018 15:13

IF I'd turned up unannounced and found family memeber or friend ill or in bed/PJs or whatever - I think beyond asking if they need anything it's quite obvious you aren't wanted. You take the hint and make excuses and leave.

Poor form to demand anyone to return from a hobby and expect food and entertaining.

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MagicMojito · 14/10/2018 15:20

"Popping in" is fine when you're popping in on a "pop in" kind of person. "Popping in" on someone who isn't, is just fucking rude and would be waiting outside.

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UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:21

OP suggesting the ILs arent the reincanation of Joseph and Mary.

Check.

Great Duck coming to the rescue of the ILs and victim blaming.

Check.

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MagicMojito · 14/10/2018 15:23

I'd have had exactly same reaction as OP in this situation except I'd probably hide in the bathroom until they'd gone. Op is decent just for answering the door

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BabySharkAteMyHamster · 14/10/2018 15:24

Fucking hell, imagine if this was a post about a husband behaving the way the op is right now. He'd be flogged on here. Mumsnetters would.be offering good solicitors and divorce packages.

Op, I hope you've womaned up by now. In future just keep the.door locked with the key in it so they cant drop in.

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Banamara · 14/10/2018 15:30

GreatDuck,

Enough info for me. We either are quite relaxed about people dropping in without warning, or we are not.

I am in the latter cohort. I would expect a text message.

But anyway, I am partially deaf, and the doorbell doesn't work, although it looks as if it is fine..... so anyone who is calling, will always alert me beforehand. Very handy!

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 15:30

UnknownStuntman where have I come to the rescue of the inlaws?

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