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MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:
whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 15:30

This whole thread is twaddle.
Some of you are such sanctimonious twerps. If the OP genuinely felt threatened, she could have called a friend or family member, left the house or even called the police.
Instead she cried in her room, this probably helps to serve her victim mentality.
It would seem that some of you think you're helping, instead you are encouraging her to wallow instead of sort this situation out!

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 15:31

And if the husband did this, he'd be crucified for being rude to his poor wife's mum!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 15:33

And Unknown there are people on MN that will defend an OP no matter when the topic is her inlaws. Just saying.

jomaIone · 14/10/2018 15:34

You really should have just stayed in bed.

What are you scared they'll do?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 14/10/2018 15:35

All the advice about being assertive and saying “hi, wasn’t expecting you, DH is out and not sure when he’ll be back. I’m actually not feeling very well and was in bed when you called etc “ is, of course very sensible but it doesn’t sound like op is confident enough to do that. She’s even said they scare her.
For the future DH needs to tell them, in no uncertain terms that popping round unannounced is not acceptable, end of, don’t fucking do it as to be refused entry may cause offence!!!
Poor op is feeling like shite and is clearly intimidated.
Anyone pitching up unexpectedly on my doorstep on a Sunday morning would think twice about doing again!

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:35

Years ago there was often no way of telling a person in advance that you wanted to call on them. If you didn’t have someone to open your door and take a calling card, you were more or less at the mercy of your curtains if you wanted to be alone.

Those times have changed!

We have phones, text, instant messages. There is very very little reason to not, at the very least, inform someone of your intentions. Or you know, ask, like a normal polite person. Those that don’t do this have a reason... sometimes they know the answer will be NO so just turn up, relying on the face to face timidity or politeness of the person on whom they’re intruding.

Why did these people turn up? It was for their benefit, not the OP’s. They felt like it, so they did.

And people are commenting on the “snowflake generation”? That generation’s entitlement all things their children’s is a hell of a lot worse.

SaucyJack · 14/10/2018 15:37

“And if the husband did this, he'd be crucified for being rude to his poor wife's mum!”

Not by me. My Mum’s a pain in the arse. If she went round uninvited to get a free lunch out of DP when she knew I wouldn’t be there, I’d be advising him to climb out of the bathroom window.

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:38


Not if she is used to being treated like you are treating her she wouldn’t. She’d be scared or embarrassed to admit it.

FrangipaniBlue · 14/10/2018 15:40

Wtf is wrong with MN today????

OP was in bed POORLY and her in laws turn up completely unannounced, knowing their DS wouldn't be there and upon seeing the OP had just got out of bed (poorly) plonked their arses on the sofa and expected her to make them tea???

Fuck that shit.

I love my in-laws with all my heart and I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind unexpected visitors but in the circumstances the OP has described I'd be right totally pissed off too.

I'd be heading back bed closing the door and telling them to either stay and look after themselves while they wait for DP or to make sure they closed the door on the way out.

UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:40

Great Duck. I refer you to your previous posts.

I also note that, by omission, you're agreeing that you're victim blaming.

Sugarformyhoney · 14/10/2018 15:41

Op I feel for you. I like having visitors and don’t mind unannounced but the Ils are not people I’d welcome without warning. I hope they take the hint and leave you to enjoy your Sunday

UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:42

"From what you've said you need to pull yourself together."

"Really? You think crying is normal behaviour when someone turns up unannounced?"

Aye, that's not defending the ILs and blaming the victim.

Bloody disgraceful, but from months of lurking, not a surprise at all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 15:43

How is the OP a victim? We have no idea what's gone on here because the Op hasn't said.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/10/2018 15:44

Those two comments aren't blaming anyone just an observation from the little bit of information the OP has given.

kidsatuniemptynester · 14/10/2018 15:45

how rude you are. How very unpleasant and over dramatic. Just imagine, if you possibly can, how you would feel if (1) your parents turned up when you were out and your husband had a fit of the vapours (2) you were the in law, hoping to have a nice hour or so with your son and daughter in law, and got such a reception. Pull yourself together and make them a cup of tea.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 15:47

Why is the victim word so easily thrown about?! Posters on this thread have made the OP a victim!

Inconvenienced person, irritated wife, poorly woman, put upon DIL- yes! But victim??!! Shouldn't be used so easily.

UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:47

She is a victim because she has got imbeciles knocking at her door when she's ill. I use that word advisedly because they have been told the person they want to visit isn't there and still specifically made a 2 hour round trip.

She is scared of them, so its not difficult to read between the lines that she has been victimised by them for something. Something we know not what, but something at least.

But she married their son so she should have to put up with them. Am pleased I don't know people with your outlook IRL.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 14/10/2018 15:48

Missing the point much kids?

UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:48

"You need to pull yourself together" isn't blaming her?

Jesus H Corbett. Are you her MIL?

flumpybear · 14/10/2018 15:49

@scrabblechampion I absolutely agree with you I'd be cross too - though my ILs don't like people dropping in either So no fear of that lol

If you're anything like me, Work my arse off full time, weeks piled up with drop off and or pick up from school with my husband doing the opposite - nights are cooking and ferrying to various offer school activities and just plain sorting out the house and the following days needs

Weekends are for catching up with sleep, doing stuff like housework, shopping and cooking. This weekend is now around 4 hours free from family to do an application form for a new job that's really in-depth, whilst nursing a horrible cough, shopping and cooking roast, all whilst they're out - if I'd had visitors I'd have sent them away

Vipers - behave

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:49

“Pull yourself together” is never helpful and often bullying. It is used when the person in a face to face incident is uncomfortable with the upset party for whatever reason. It is bad enough then, it certainly has no place on a message board where one can simply stop reading rather than take the time to type a nasty post.

The ‘snap out of it” types are far and few these days thank goodness, the majority having been educated about anxiety et al. Looks like those that still use it are all on Mumsnet!

primoestate · 14/10/2018 15:51

Is it only me that thinks as they have asked the OP to ask her DH to come home that they may be there to tell them both something important?

VioletCharlotte · 14/10/2018 15:51

Can you imagine if this thread was the other way round? MIL posts to day she's crying in her bedroom because she has a cold and her DIL popped in unannounced? Hmm

RainbowsArePretty · 14/10/2018 15:51

Why are you scared of them?

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 15:51


A 'victim' wouldn't have let them in in the first place. A'victim' would have called for help. A 'victim' would have left a situation that her husband seems to be letting slide.

The OP is inconvenienced and if she is a true victim, MN is not the right place for practical help.

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