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MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:
UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:51

Lego, you've got it all wrong. The in-laws are above reproach and the OP should be subservient to them in every which way possible.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 15:53

Massively subservient to stick the kettle on. Hmm

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:54


They could ring or text themselves.

This is a classic move, I see it all the time. If they don’t have phones, there are phone boxes. If they don’t gave their son’s number, they could ask for it. At the very least they could have told the OP what the important information was. Or that indeed there WAS some important information.

Nope. This is manipulation.

UnknownStuntman · 14/10/2018 15:56

Why the hell should she put the kettle on for people who have just turned up at her door uninvited?

I get on well with my in laws but I'm introverted and wouldn't let them in if they just landed and I was in by myself because I wouldn't want to make small talk with people who I have very little in common with other than we both love their "child".

Of course they're reasonable people and have never called without ringing/texting in advance.

LesLavandes · 14/10/2018 15:57

Someone or something has put the OP off talking

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 15:57


Or maybe be bullied yet again in your own home...

LoniceraJaponica · 14/10/2018 15:58

"Massively subservient to stick the kettle on"

No it isn't Hmm
If anyone turns up at our house it is the first thing I do because it is polite and welcoming. However, we never get people we don't like turning up, and are always pleased to have friends round (no local family here).

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:01

Maybe it's more to do with the face that the house is a tip and the OP is embarrassed?

We've all been there, extremely annoying and it's nice to pretend that our houses are forever sparkling. But not the end of the world.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:01


SilverySurfer · 14/10/2018 16:05

If you can't imagine why someone might cry at the thought of unexpected visitors then I think you lack imagination and empathy SilverySurfer.

Just as well I held back and didn't post what I really think then isn't it or goodness knows what you would accuse me of lacking.

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 16:06

It doesn’t matter why though. You don’t turn up uninvited at people’s houses when you’ve been asked not to do it! It’s intimidating and rude.

Spotless house, no cold, husband in...if the OP doesn’t want people, maybe just them, turning up out of the blue to her home, that is her right.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:07


legofriendly · 14/10/2018 16:11


Yes intimidating. They turn up and want in knowing you don’t want them there. They don’t give a damn about your feelings. At best they are doing it because they are crass and have no social skills, at worst on purpose to dominate you, to show you they can do whatever they like even in your home.

Either way, intimidating.

Tangofandango · 14/10/2018 16:16

OP's last post was at 11.14 in response to Lifechangesforever's post at 11.09 stating OP had posted "a massive dripfeed":

Sorry I’ll go I didn’t know that wasn’t allowed

So I doubt very much that she'll be back. Can't say I blame her really.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:19

Am intimidated victim...because someone knocked on her front door.

I sincerely hope I'm never victimised in this way.

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 16:19

And for those that are about to post “victim mentality “ or “snowflake” about her disappearance, well perhaps she isn’t as strong/harsh/hard as you.

legofriendly · 14/10/2018 16:21


I do too. It can wreck your mental health and life to have people like that in your life.

We don't know the OP’s full story, never will, but some of us can read a cry for help and not be bitches.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:26

Lego...starting to think you're the OP.

Also, thanks for the bitch comment- really gets your point across Hmm
I think whilst you believe you're being helpful, you've given no constructive advice- only helped to fab the victim mentality flames.

Perhaps, if you're genuinely concerned- you could offer some real advice, a link to a service or victims charity.

flumpybear · 14/10/2018 16:30

@SilverySurfer - ffs, why should somebody live st home constantly on edge that their family may just drop by because they're too fucking rude to check if their trip out is convenient - the poor OP is sick, probably needs a few hours sleep, not entertain - she needs a bath with menthol salts or eucalyptus and a few hours kip - some people have piss all boundaries and probably winge to their friends 'oh their House is a mess when we come over' or 'we never seem to be welcomed as we'd like to be' ..... which is 100% likely to be more positive IF they took a step back and considered somebody else may have plans!

YouTheCat · 14/10/2018 16:33

I don't get this whole 'oh look there's someone who sounds a bit fragile let's kick them whilst they don't feel able to defend themselves' mentality on here. I really don't. I despair of some people on here.

flumpybear · 14/10/2018 16:34

@whereisthesanity - I'm with @legofriendly
It's bloody rude to rock up unannounced - ffs they could at least phone in the morning. Before they leave - nope, they chose to make their plans 'your' plans - selfish bastards

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 14/10/2018 16:35

OP- I am with you completely. My ILs did this. Turned up unannounced- they lived 1 1/2 hours away and then stayed for hours. Turned up when we specifically told them I was busy and let themselves in. Turned up when I said I had visitors and noseyed round outside the house to see if I actually did. I hated these people. They were utterly shit to me for 20 years. They were rude and nasty and horrible and I used to grit my teeth and bear it. Then suddenly I couldn't. I could barely be in the same room as them. The visiting was a power thing - they were coming because they knew I didn't like it and it was their sons house. FIL used to sitt and smirk. They never did it when DH was going to be there . I just stopped seeing them in the end. If they came, I went out. DH was shit- refused to make them have normal boundaries so now he has to deal with them as I refuse. I feel not a jot of guilt. By the end I would've gone and cried if they turned up.

whereisthesanity · 14/10/2018 16:37


I haven't disagreed at all that's it's rude, unless of course, it's normal in your family. My objection is that is victimisation or intimidating.

Inconvenient and maybe a little intrusive if they know the OP doesn't love them popping in. But Bullying, victim, intimidate are thrown around to easy.

Ginger1982 · 14/10/2018 16:39

Guess we'll never know what happened...

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/10/2018 16:39

Turning up unannounced and uninvited at someone's home is rude. Its not difficult to call or text ahead so if you don't then you're just being inconsiderate. Those of you insisting it's "fine" and "normal" to do this, has it never occurred to you that the recipients of your unannounced visits may actually find it annoying but they're too polite to say? Or do you just not care?

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