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AIBU?

In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

999 replies

fifithefoof · 14/10/2018 00:43

Following on from the last thread .....

OP posts:

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DioneTheDiabolist · 19/10/2018 09:17

Are you a cheater lornar?

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:23

I've explained this I thought but will try again.

Most people bond with others over time, sex is used by most people to express or strengthen that bond. There appears to be biological evidence to support this. I do not find attractive someone who either does not form bonds with people through frequent sex, either because it does not help them bond or they are emotionally incapable of forming bonds, or can withhold or supress the instinct to bond through an intimate act.

What is the difference between your expression towards someone you love and someone you don't ? There's none so the persons actions cannot be easily trusted. I would have thought this was quite understandable even if you don't like it.

Coldness comes from the inability to feel certain emotions that in my view are fundamental to the human condition.

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JacquesHammer · 19/10/2018 09:24

Coldness comes from the inability to feel certain emotions that in my view are fundamental to the human condition

Do you believe jealousy is “fundamental to the human condition”?

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:25

How do you know before you,shag them how often they need/want sex and how they form emotional bonds?

What do,you mean by your penultimate paragraph there? I don’t understand what you are trying to say.

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:26

Also. How have you had 4 relationships in your adult life and been sure every time before you shagged them that the sex was going to be better than every time before for the both of you?

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:27

Go on. How have you extrapolated “does not get jealous over other adults” to “emotionally cold”

It's more than that Jacques, you said another adult could not break your heart. In my view that is the same as saying you could not love another adult. You can't get your heart broken if you don't fall in love.

As I have repeatedly said, I think most people will recognise the pangs of envy or sadness at someone they really liked choosing someone else. It's not normal in my experience to either never have felt that way about someone or to be incapable nof felling it.

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PreseaCombatir · 19/10/2018 09:28

Lorna said she’s loved 4 wonderful men.
But she’s be super jealous if her partner told her he’s loves any other wonderful women. Because she needs to be the wonderfullest.
Her last DP by her logic MUST have been the wonderfullest out of those men. And we know how wonderful he is......

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JacquesHammer · 19/10/2018 09:29

It's more than that Jacques, you said another adult could not break your heart. In my view that is the same as saying you could not love another adult. You can't get your heart broken if you don't fall in love

I very much loved my ex-husband. I very much still do! We’re great friends. The end of the marriage wasn’t heartbreaking. It was a positive step.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:31

What do,you mean by your penultimate paragraph there? I don’t understand what you are trying to say.

If someone expresses themselves physically the same way with people nthey love and don't love. I.e. they kiss, stroke have sex with touch affectionately etc. You can't know they are doing that with you because they love you.

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:31

But physical sex has very little to do with love. Not for me.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:33

Most relationships contain physical expressions of love and affection.

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:33

And, as I have said repeatedly buy you seem unable to grasp, for me, it’s about what happens AFTER we have emotionally committed to each other. If he and I have decided to be monogamous. Before that I care not a jot who he shagged.

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PreseaCombatir · 19/10/2018 09:34

So does good sex to you only mean: slow, kissing, stroking, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Basically romantic movie sex.
I mean, sometimes that’s nice, but so is sometimes swinging from the chandeliers

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:34

Physical expressions of love and affection are not just sex. You’ve been talking about sex. Physical expressions of love are completely different.

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JacquesHammer · 19/10/2018 09:35

Most relationships contain physical expressions of love and affection

Do you think sex is the only way to do that?

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:36

I feel a need to get a bit Clinton and ask what you consider sex to be Lornar.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:38

Jacques no kissing, holding hands rubbing etc. But these are things you already said you did with men you did not love. I asked yesterday what the difference in physical expression was between mrn you love and men you don't and no one answered really.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:39

If I was not in love with a man I would not regularly kiss him. I would have no desire to kiss or stroke a person I had no romantic feelings towards.

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:41

For me, I don’t walk behind someone I’m not in a relarionship and touch their shoulder when we are out in public. Or sit and deliberately wind them up by doing something that I know will remind them of something sexual. I don’t hold hands. I don’t kiss with tongues and I never offer a back rub or foot rub. I don’t make them a coffee when they’ve a busy day and I want them to feel cared for before they leave. I don’t share a bad with them.

None of that is sexual bar the teasing them.

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Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 09:44

I kiss my best friend. He’s continental though and it’s the bisous bisous.

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Alaaya · 19/10/2018 09:44

And, as I have said repeatedly buy you seem unable to grasp, for me, it’s about what happens AFTER we have emotionally committed to each other. If he and I have decided to be monogamous. Before that I care not a jot who he shagged.

I'm the same. If DH left me, or ran off with someone else I would be devastated. Totally shattered. I love him absolutely - he's my best friend, the love of my life, the best thing that ever happened to me. Cold isn't a remotely accurate description of our relationship.

But that is now he's with me. Who he was shagging when he was a jobbing actor on tour in the late 80s is none of my business and any scandalous stories he tells me don't bother me at all. Equally, he isn't fussed at my having had a bit of a wild youth. We had fun, experimented with loads of different kinds of sex and now know that what we want is each other. If you don't want that OP, that is fine, but it's total nonsense to say that no one else can have both mad fun meaningless sex and relationships or that people who don't solely insist on snuggly romance novel sex are emotionally deficient.

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JacquesHammer · 19/10/2018 09:45

If I was not in love with a man I would not regularly kiss him. I would have no desire to kiss or stroke a person I had no romantic feelings towards

Which is totally fine for you.

I asked yesterday what the difference in physical expression was between mrn you love and men you don't and no one answered really

You just don’t listen.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:48

No Jacques, you didn't answer because there is no physical difference, which might be fine for you, but as I say I would not trust the actions of someone who used socially understood expressions of love or deep affection towards people who they felt nothing for.

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lornar123 · 19/10/2018 09:50

ftfoawygtfosm kissing with tongues is sexual.

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JacquesHammer · 19/10/2018 09:52

No Jacques, you didn't answer because there is no physical difference, which might be fine for you, but as I say I would not trust the actions of someone who used socially understood expressions of love or deep affection towards people who they felt nothing for

Its a bizarre way of thinking to ascribe trustworthiness on the basis of people having sex without a relationship.

But then we come full circle right back to the very original thread where you believe people who have had a high number of partners can’t be monogamous.

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