In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

[VenusInSpurs]

Very judgemental title.
I love being a raging whore bag!
No shame at all.

Or...

If we agree that women are free to enjoy as much consensual sex on an honest non cheating basis with as few or many partners as they like, why is there even such a threshold over which we do judge anyone as a ‘raging whore bag’?

[PreseaCombatir]

You can feel emotions without those emotions being jealousy.
That’s a bitter, twisted, ugly emotion that only affects the person feeling it.
A small dose of envy is fine, but jealousy? God no, don’t do it to yourself or your loved ones

[PreseaCombatir]

I've actually been lucky because I have been in love with wonderful men
Simultaneously it would appear

[lornar123]

ftfoawygtfosm

Not being able to feel certain emotions because you have no inherent capacity for them would make you less empathetic to those who do feel them. After all they would describing something you do not relate to.

[Thenewdoctor]

I can’t judge what you feel because I’m not you and I haven’t had your experience.

I can empathise, or try to understand but in order to judge someone else for their feelings I would have to have to have lived and felt their exact life. And no one else is ever able to do that.

If I say I struggle with Mr FTF on top because I remember being raped. You can empathise. You can say you understand. But you don’t acrually understand the emotion I feel. Because it’s grounded in my experiences and my emotions.

[Thenewdoctor]

You can’t relate to anyone else’s emotions in a meaningful enough way to make you able to be judgemental about them, in my opinion. As I have explained. Repeatedly. Using personal examples that have some cost for me in the recounting and yet you have ignored.

Funny that.

[JacquesHammer]

Not being able to feel certain emotions because you have no inherent capacity for them would make you less empathetic to those who do feel them. After all they would describing something you do not relate to

I completely understand some people feel jealousy. Because I’m a functioning adult I can absolutely feel sympathy and understand their feelings.

I genuinely think it must be rotten to feel jealousy. I also think that it can be immensely toxic in a relationship.

[lornar123]

PreseaCombatir

So when a teenager is crying because a boy she fancies fancies her friend and not her, do you chastise her for her negative and ugly thinking ? Or would you accept nthat what she is feeling is perfectly normal and healthy ?

[Thenewdoctor]

That’s not really the same as being jealous of the new woman when you’ve been dumped Lornar. And you must know that.

[lornar123]

Because I’m a functioning adult I can absolutely feel sympathy and understand their feelings.

I disagree with this, he can you understand an emotion you have never experienced ? This is not like saying oh they are sad I've felt sad about stuff too...it's a unique emotion that most people feel at some point in their life. I don't expect someone who has never been in love could write eloquently about how that feels ?

[Thenewdoctor]

But Lornar. As I have explained, again I’ll emphasise the at some emotional cost to myself, you can never ever feel emotions the same as another person. Ever.

[lornar123]

That’s not really the same as being jealous of the new woman when you’ve been dumped Lornar.

Sorry but I think is very similar, someone you want to be with wants to be with someone else and not you. It inspires an emotional response most healthy adults will recognise.

[Thenewdoctor]

It’s really not Lornar. How you can conflate and minimise my feelings (which weren’t jealousy) over the ending of a 25 year relationship and say they’re the same as a teenager fancying her mates boyfriend is completely behind me.

[lornar123]

As I have explained, again I’ll emphasise the at some emotional cost to myself, you can never ever feel emotions the same as another person. Ever.

They may not be exactly the same but they are very similar. Shared experiences are very important to people.

[Thenewdoctor]

I really feel that of all the people on this thread, Lornar, you are the one who is struggling the most with empathy. To be totally honest.

[lornar123]

I'm not minimising your feelings at all.

[JacquesHammer]

So when a teenager is crying because a boy she fancies fancies her friend and not her, do you chastise her for her negative and ugly thinking ? Or would you accept nthat what she is feeling is perfectly normal and healthy?

I don’t think jealousy is healthy. It might be a normal emotion for some people but it brings distress.

I would support the teen whilst making them aware of their own self worth.

You might be unable to understand things you haven’t experienced (as is woefully clear), that doesn’t mean everyone is unable to do that.

[PreseaCombatir]

Not all teenagers cry because a boy doesn’t fancy them. I certainly never did.
If my teenage dd was crying because a boy didn’t fancy her, I would honestly focus on her and try and find out why her self esteem was so low.

[JacquesHammer]

You seem to think all relationships should come with hurt and heartbreak and jealousy Lornar123, I don’t.

Do you think that makes one of us wrong? Or do you think as adults we evolve differently with distinct personalities?

[lornar123]

You might be unable to understand things you haven’t experienced (as is woefully clear), that doesn’t mean everyone is unable to do that.



It's not a case of understanding it or not, it's not being able to relate to some people who are emotionally so cold. Most people experience a whole gamut of emotions in their life, they relate to and bond with others who experience the same thing. Some people feel strong and deep religious faith for example, I do not and cannot really understand what that would feel like.


PreseaCombatir

It's not low self esteem it's perfectly normal and understandable sadness that perhaps someone you really like is does not have the feelings for you you had hoped. To be worried that she was crying over a boy is nuts.

[lornar123]

You seem to think all relationships should come with hurt and heartbreak and jealousy Lornar123, I don’t.

That is clearly not what I have said.

[PreseaCombatir]

If she cried over an actual boyfriend, then yeah, sure.
Merely over a boy she fancied? Yes, I’d be worried

[JacquesHammer]

It's not a case of understanding it or not, it's not being able to relate to some people who are emotionally so cold

Go on. How have you extrapolated “does not get jealous over other adults” to “emotionally cold”.

Are you really so narrow in your views you think the only way to show emotion is via a sexual relationship?

Have I been utterly heartbroken and distraught? Absolutely. Was it over another adult’s behaviour? No.

[Johnnyfinland]

Lornar how is it this difficult for you to grasp that some people might inspire that all encompassing love and passion and therefore you want a monogamous relationship with them, and others, you can fancy and have fun with (including sex) but not want to actually BE with them because that deep connection isn’t there?

I’ve had an on-and-off FWB for over 10 years. We can go an entire year or more without seeing each other, then we’ll get back in touch and see each other maybe a couple of times a month for a few weeks. We’re not in a relationship because I don’t like him enough for that. I like him enough to hang out with and have sex with but I don’t want anything more, and there have been times when I felt he wanted to see me a little more than I was comfortable with, so I’d blow him off if I felt he was getting to into me. Over that 10 years, both of us have had relationships with other people, which we’ve told each other about. There’s no jealousy because we don’t want to be with each other. In fact I remember one time, we lay in bed after sex discussing who we’d been on tinder dates with recently! It works BECAUSE it’s him and my feelings for him are not any deeper than a casual friendship and sex, not because I see sex as something without any emotion attached. It can have emotion depending on who you’re doing it with, whether in the context of relationship or not. On the flip side I am capable of having sex without developing emotions based on it. It really depends on the person. It’s not as black and white as either sex = emotion or it doesn’t.

[JacquesHammer]

Johnnyfinland

Fantastic post!