In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

[DioneTheDiabolist]

So because I've been single for a month out of my adult life....
Shut The Front Fucking Door!

Before this post I was a bit that you claim to have reached the age of 28 with a complete lack of self awareness along with ignorance of relationships and the experiences of people who aren't you lornar.

^^Goes some way to explain it. You have little to no understanding of yourself, never mind other people.

[Alaaya]

Anyone care to share how a FWB thing came to an end?

1. He got too attached. I wasn't in the right place for a relationship at the time, having had a shitty break up previously and wasn't OK with being treated like a girlfriend so fled. We didn't talk for a few months and then went back to being friends.
   
   
2. She was moving away to start a new job in another country. Sad but we stayed in touch and I hear from her sometimes.
   
   
3. He started seeing a girl that seemed to have a load of drama attached so I suggested we go back to just being friends. We did and still are friends. No hassle.
   
   There you go. Three examples from my twenties picked out at random.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Seriously? Only one month of being single in your whole adult life lornar? You're 28! That's your first 120 months of being an adult!

You have spent less than 1 percent being just you. Working out who You are when there isn't a boyfriend on the scene.

Less than 1%.
Of your whole. Fucking. Adult. Life.
What the actual fucking fuck?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Informative and intelligent post Alaaya.

[mirialis]

Calm down Dione - you're being a more than a tad ridiculous here. It is very common for people to get into LTRs at 18 and for such people to demonstrate as much self-awarness, independence and undesrtanding of others as peers who are not in LTRs - it clearly depends on the individuals' wider life experience and the nature of the relationship. I had plenty of friends in that position in their late 20s who would be equally baffled by Lorna's posts here.

I haven't seen the posts detailing your relationship Lorna but have seen references to your ex cheating on you. If you split a month ago from an LTR as a result of this then it's no wonder you're being a bit batshit. Better that you do the batshit bit on MN than with people in RL.

[lornar123]

How rude.

Most people form bonds with other people, it's natural. The more time I spend in the company of someone I like, the more likely I will form a friendship. The only people I don't care about or feel indifferent about are people I don't like or don't know.

In my experience, which Dionne has just utterly dismissed this is how most people work. If I was additionaly having regular amazing sex it's even more likely I would feel close to them. Aren't the hormones released during orgasm theorised to be for this very purpose ?

Emotions are not something you can really choose, someone who either does not feel them or can supress them to such an extent frightens me, you can't really trust them since.

All the women I know what have been cheated on and left go through emotions ranging from jealousy to rage, they will compare themselves to the other women etc. It happens all the time. Perhaps you all don't experience such emotions or can completely supress them, idk but it's pretty unattractive to me.

I can think of nothing worse lying in bed post amazing sex with my hot, funny kind boyfriend and thinking, Welp either of us could have this with many other people at the drop of a hat.

[lornar123]

Imagine looking down your nose at women who naturally compare themselves unfavourablly to the woman their partner left them for and saying "I don't feel such emotions".

[JacquesHammer]

Perhaps you all don't experience such emotions or can completely supress them, idk but it's pretty unattractive to me

Do you mean you find lack of jealousy unattractive?

We’re all defined by our experiences. I’ve never been cheated on, never been “dumped”. It’s possible for the ending of a relationship to be kind, respectful and positive.

I can think of nothing worse lying in bed post amazing sex with my hot, funny kind boyfriend and thinking, Welp either of us could have this with many other people at the drop of a hat

Absolutely fine. So FWB isn’t for you. That doesn’t mean it isn’t right for other people.

You want partners, I don’t. That’s the really simple fact this all boils down to.

Neither of us are wrong.

[Thenewdoctor]

I was never jealous Lornar. Never. When I left my husband I was heartbroken for my kids and for the life I hoped for, I was angry a myself for being a doormat and angry at him for being abusive. I was never ever jealous that he shagged someone else. I thought good luck love you’ll need it.

I find your dismissing of my feelings very rude.

Do you think that the only way to be intimate with someone in a relationship is to have PIV sex?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

So Lornar you have only been in one relationship? And spent less than 1% of your adult life as a single woman? Yet you think you know how relationships work better than someone who is 50?

Why?

[JacquesHammer]

Imagine looking down your nose at women who naturally compare themselves unfavourablly to the woman their partner left them for and saying "I don't feel such emotions"

I find this comment really telling. You seen utterly obsessed with the notion of comparison, which I genuinely believe never leads to happiness ever.

You also seem to think “looking down your nose” is normal adult behaviour, maybe because it appears to be normal to you? Not something I give headspace to, it’s an ugly emotion.

[Thenewdoctor]

Since you appear to not get it again Lornar.

I have never compared myself unfavourably to the whorebag (yes, she is) that my husband left me for.

I think she is a hard looking ticket - she now looks stressed and old before her time, which isn’t a shock because he does that to you, and she is welcome to him.

I know other women do compare themselves unfavourably, but I don’t look down my nose at them. I think that is more a factor of a lack of self esteem on their part and they would be better to work on that.

[Thenewdoctor]

I can think of nothing worse lying in bed post amazing sex with my hot, funny kind boyfriend and thinking, Welp either of us could have this with many other people at the drop of a hat.


I have honestly never done this. I have never lain in bed after sex and thought we both could get this with someone else. Because to me sex is part of a whole. Really fulfilling sex is all about the cuddles and the closeness and the sharing and giving of oneself.

[lornar123]

Jealousy and envy are natural parts of the human condition. Dionne I've been in 4 long term relationships, engaged once. I've had quite a lot of emotional experience.

Jacques I don't think you understand. People do not get to choose how they feel.you can't just turn emotions on and off. You seem to be able to do that, I find that more scary and untrustworthy than someone who experiences envy or jealousy that a man they love apparently prefers someone else. To have reached your mid 30s and nevrr felt such emotions whilst having the gall to call me emotionally inexperienced is staggeringly arrogant.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

4 long term relationships and only 1 month being single? So you give yourself a week off in between?

[PreseaCombatir]

Did you cheat then? How can you have gone through 4 long term relationships, but only be single for a month in all? Was there a bit of overlap?!?

[Thenewdoctor]

So you’ve had a week between each long term partner?

God you recover quick emotionally.

[lornar123]

I think that is more a factor of a lack of self esteem on their part and they would be better to work on that.

Whether a teenager crying at a school disco because her crush would rather snog someone else, or an adult woman who's husband dumps her for another woman, pain and jealousy are two emotions IME most people feel. People who have no experience of such emotions, either because they are unable to feel them or they can turn their emotions on and off are cold to me.

[JacquesHammer]

Jacques I don't think you understand. People do not get to choose how they feel.you can't just turn emotions on and off. You seem to be able to do that, I find that more scary and untrustworthy than someone who experiences envy or jealousy that a man they love apparently prefers someone else

You seem to measure love by jealousy and envy. I think that’s quire unhealthy.

To have reached your mid 30s and nevrr felt such emotions whilst having the gall to call me emotionally inexperienced is staggeringly arrogant

And again please show me where I said that.

It’s increasing obvious that when you say “you called me this, you called me that”, that you’re bringing all your own insecurities through.

Your posts are delightfully ironic though, although suspect that’s a sad accident and not by clever design.

[Thenewdoctor]

I never said they weren’t emotions people feel. You’re reading something I didn’t write.

[JacquesHammer]

Lorna you can’t judge everyone else by your own experiences.

Sounds like you’ve had a rough time relationship wise. You get that many people haven’t, right?

I do think you need to spend some time on your own. You don’t seem to like yourself very much, and I think you need to do so before you’ll find a relatonship that gives you everything you need.

[lornar123]

I never said you said people didnt feel them, what I'm saying is that IME they are the norm. People who do not feel emotions and form bonds with people they spend lots of time with including sex are emotionally retarded in my opinion.

[Thenewdoctor]

How do you know they’re the norm? In what context are they the norm?

I know a lot of people - old and young and all shades in between- and I know literally none who are jealous or envious of an ex’s new partner. They may be angry at the break up. Think the person is a twat. But jealous? No.

[Thenewdoctor]

And as for you emotionally retarded comment, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it.

Just as well we aren’t all the same isn’t it?

People are all different. That means we all feel differently and react differently physically and emotionally to any situation. Making value judgements about what other people feel is pointless. It’s emotionwlly draining for the judger and a waste of time because it makes no difference to the person being judged. So I don’t do it.

[lornar123]

Sounds like you’ve had a rough time relationship wise. You get that many people haven’t, right?

I've actually been lucky because I have been in love with wonderful men. Having a rough time in relationships is nothing whatsoever to do with not being able to experience the natural longing people have for each other. As I say, whether a teenage disco or an adult women who's been cheated on the same base emotions are ar play, at least for me and other women I've discussed such things with.