To have a child when I have zero interest in caring for a baby?

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I am a long time lurker trying to get an insight into what my life might be like if I do jump off the fence and have a kid.

I am 34, married to DH 40 (we have been together for over a decade, but we got married more recently and just bought our own house). Until recently I was firmly childfree. However, I am now more of a fence sitter.

DH really wants at least one kid. I always made it clear to him that I couldn’t guarantee that I would change my mind so that if it was a be all and end all thing for him, then he should find someone else. He has always replied to this by saying that he’d rather not have them at all than have them with anyone but me. In some ways, this is a nice thing to say, but it puts a huge amount of pressure on me as I feel like I hold the whole responsibility for whether he becomes a father.

More recently, I have come to realise that it’s not the idea of parenthood in general that puts me off, but the idea of taking maternity leave, breastfeeding and being stuck at home caring for a baby or toddler. I have a very interesting and demanding job, which I do not want to step back from in any way, as does DH, so neither of us would be willing or want to go part-time if we had a child. However, we do both have a certain amount of flexibility and both work from home a couple of days a week.

I have been thinking that if I could take the minimum amount of maternity leave necessary, put the child in a nursery full time once he/she is 3 months old, and then go back to work full time, then, just maybe, I could probably cope with having just one child and I wouldn’t resent and hate parenthood.

However, is this all just a sign that I shouldn’t be contemplating having a child at all, even if my DH really wants one? I am interested to hear from other people who simply endured the baby stage, and went into parenthood knowing from the outset that they were not even remotely interested in babies and toddlers?

Personally I think it would be wrong to have a baby with the plan that the baby is going to be full time in a nursery from 3 months old. It sounds like a sad life for the child. Just my personal opinion.
If your husband wants to have a child why can't he reduce his hours? Even if he could be at home with the child 2 days a week so that the child is not in nursery full time?

I onloy read the first post. 3 months is a long time off !!!

I worked until I went into labour and went back full time after 2 weeks.

Don't assume you have to take as much as 3 months off. Also why you? It is just as much your husband who might take off 3 months surely as neither of you is keen to stay home.

It is definitely very good for chilren. We had 5 on that basis and they are lovely and it worked fine. Babies like happy parents and having the stability of a routein from 2 weeks is much much less disrupting for a child than having its life totally changed after 3m onths or a year when a parent returns to work. They like security and things being the same not massive changes.

THIS THREAD IS OVER A YEAR OLD. OP MAY HAVE REACHED HER DECISION BY NOW

We have 4 DCs and I took a max of 6 weeks maternity leave. We had a nanny and ?when they were older) DH did the bulk of ferrying them to snd from school As his job was way more flexible. It was fine. It sounds as if you both have flexible jobs, so it. Gould be even easier to have one or more DCs without impacting your career.