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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 14/10/2018 00:44

You know there are thousands upon thousands of parents, especially in London, who don't have cars. Some of them xant afford taxis. How do you think their 17 year olds cope? Some 17 year olds are parents themselves or live away from home.

straightjeans · 14/10/2018 01:06

I'm not surprised she feels unsafe in an Uber. Most of the incidents with Uber in the UK seem to occur in London.

Vivaldi1678 · 14/10/2018 02:23

I don't have a car. Does that make me an irresponsible parent?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 14/10/2018 02:47

Can’t wait till I have three teens in the house I have to somehow find the time to collect from whatever shindig they’ve been to.

ElectricMonkey · 14/10/2018 05:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andylion · 14/10/2018 05:47

- if any family members needed a lift then they would get a lift, as a matter of courtesy and respect.

Courtesy? Neither of my parents drove, were they discourteous? How about respect for parents? They aren't chauffeurs. The way you have expressed it, it sounds as though you expect parents to sit around waiting on their children's social lives.

shearwater · 14/10/2018 05:58

I would offer a lift once a week, and other times they have to make their own arrangements.

My mum used to pick me up age 17 at 11.30pm every Friday from the student union bar. If I went out another time in the week I would stay with a friend and go home with her, or pay for a taxi home.

reallyreallynow · 14/10/2018 06:34

@Vivaldi1678 you don't have a car....how on earth did you parent your child? I mean along with the current hysteria about a 17 year old getting a cab. The same people would also be bleating about always having one parent who is able to drive 100% of the time, both parents can't have excess alcohol just in case a trip to hospital is required!

Just how did you cope with all the very unlikely scenarios not happening?

--I'm one of six children parents didn't drive, we all survived!

OP you ANBU! Next week she won't want picking up because she'll decide she's doing something different, she'll be fine!

Shambalashawadeewadee · 14/10/2018 06:52

Is this whole thread making anyone else really sad and really angry?

Our daughters should be able to walk a mile home, they should be able to get a cab or an Uber without being frightened of or at risk of being sexually assaulted.

Donald Trump says it’s a scary time being a man at the moment. Yeah right. Try being a woman.

OP I think the Uber with her boyfriend is/was a reasonable option.

shearwater · 14/10/2018 06:54

I wasn't allowed to walk home on my own 20 years ago. It's sad that things haven't improved in this regard.

PhilomenaButterfly · 14/10/2018 08:58

I do remember when I was just 17 and living in Watford, around the corner from the tube station, I went to Top of the Pops. It was a dark, lonely walk home from the tube, much scarier than when I lived in London, because then there were people about.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 14/10/2018 09:51

At 17 she can make her own way home by taxi, lift or if in a group walking. She’s only 1 mile away so not like she has far to go. I’m actually very surprised at the amount of parents that would sacrifice their Friday evening for the sake of driving a mile at 11:30 to pick up a teenager who has other options.

When I was 17 there were no lifts home from parties for me (or my friends) and I wouldn’t have asked in the first place. Particularly when I was only 1 mile away from home - that’s not very far at all.

Jellybubbamama0987 · 14/10/2018 09:56

If my daughter asked me to pick her up then I bloody well would do! Uber doesn’t have the best press and I’d rather know she was safe, she still only 17 and has a lot of growing up to do. If she was in a group then yeah fair enough but not alone

User12879923378 · 14/10/2018 10:02

A mile home? Seriously? You know what, OP, from when I was 16 onwards in the 90s my best friend and I would go into Central London, get the night bus home after midnight, and walk the 1.1 miles from the night bus stop to her house. Neither of our parents could have afforded to pay for taxis home. I also would rather have walked with a friend than taken a cab.

Dungeondragon15 · 14/10/2018 10:05

Yes, the fact that she would be alone would make me want to collect her. People keep asking what she will do when she goes to university but I don't remember getting any taxis by myself then either. I lived with friends so there would usually be several of us going back. Even now I don't think I ever do the whole journey in a taxi by myself. There will be friends with me some of the way and they will have the vehicle license number etc.
It's nothing to do with "mollycoddling". It's to do with not being totally naive and it's also dependent on where you live.

Dungeondragon15 · 14/10/2018 10:10

Those posters who keep on going on about the fact that they walked home at age 17 without being attacked are being ridiculous too. Does it not occur to you that you might just have been lucky or it might depend on where you live. Not every street in the UK is exactly the same with regard to crime rates you know.

cakedup · 14/10/2018 10:32

Bloody hell how times have changed. When I was 17 I'd rather die than have a parent pick me up from a party.

I don't drive so we'll see what happens when ds (13) is older. I'll just be glad he'll have a social life one day that doesn't involve playing fortnite. We live in London so with all night buses and tubes I don't think it'll be a problem. However, I concede it'll be slightly less worrying as he is a he.

Ontheboardwalk · 14/10/2018 10:34

Ah is this still going.

She was a mile from home WITH HER BOYFRIEND (sorry for shouting) and she had the option of a free Uber that could get both her and her boyfriend home paid for by OP.

Bluesky wanted an early night, her choice, good on her.

cakedup · 14/10/2018 10:35

By the way the biggest killer of young people is road traffic collisions. So if they're not driving themselves home/being driven by a friend, they're already statistically safer.

PillowOfSociety · 14/10/2018 10:40

Dungeon, I live in London SW2. My 17 yo, and all friends and peers, routinely walk / get the night bus without incident. Now, in 2018, In an area of high density estates etc.

So much hysteria.

BitchQueen90 · 14/10/2018 10:42

Hahaha. I started work at 16 years old (waitressing) and I was expected to make my own way there and back. I moved into my own home at 17 so had to get around everywhere by myself. (Not a million years ago either, this was in 2008).

I don't have a car so my DS certainly won't be getting lifts anywhere at that age.

Milliepatch · 14/10/2018 10:44

I would routinely walk home by myself at 16 or 17 from a night out, often around 6am Blush. Not that my parents really knew that but like the above poster I would never have wanted them to pick me up! This was the norm for all my friends. Only talking 10 or so years ago. Has is changed that much?!

Dungeondragon15 · 14/10/2018 10:48

Dungeon, I live in London SW2. My 17 yo, and all friends and peers, routinely walk / get the night bus without incident. Now, in 2018, In an area of high density estates etc.

So what if you live in London?!!! Do you think that if it is safe where you live at night then it must be safe in every other street or using public transport in every other city at night?

category12 · 14/10/2018 10:50

I'm perplexed by the people who say they were living on their own at 17 or wandering home in the early hours unbeknownst to their parents at that age. So, is that the ideal scenario?! "Never did me any harm" etc etc. Legs legs legs, we didn't have legs all we had was stumps...

AllTheChocolateMice · 14/10/2018 10:57

Don’t have a car? I don’t even have a license. The oldest one managed to get about perfectly well as a teen.

Even if I could drive I wouldn’t be able to pick them up as the little ones would be in bed