Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 13/10/2018 21:33

Quite possibly. I live in a city, have used the same taxi company for 25 years and always found them professional and reliable. Not in the least worried by the fact that many of them aren't from the UK.

It concerns me because if they have only lived in the UK for a couple of years it's not really possibly to know of previous convictions etc. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had used the same taxi firm for years and knew all the drivers etc but that isn't the case. As I said, I don't think DD's friends ever get taxis either. Parents share lifts and have children over for the night etc so there is no need.

ElectricMonkey · 13/10/2018 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wafflyversatile · 13/10/2018 21:40

When I was 17 I was paying for my own taxis from 8 miles away at 3 in the morning. The world and taxis have not gotten more dangerous since then.

1NeedPampering · 13/10/2018 21:46

Collect her, keep her safe. My DD was attacked in London - I had to phone round A&E to collect her. I thought she dyed her hair - it was blood. It was the only time she didn’t ask because she wanted to be independent.

I always collected her, now she’s always there when I need her

mumoy · 13/10/2018 21:54

Tell her to stay home.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/10/2018 22:00

When I was 17 I was paying for my own taxis from 8 miles away at 3 in the morning. The world and taxis have not gotten more dangerous since then.

I was getting taxis too but that doesn't mean I would want my DD to. I am more aware of the risks than my parents were then (although not now).

MrsDrudge · 13/10/2018 22:00

Absolutely agree

MrsDrudge · 13/10/2018 22:06

Actually my daughters are incredible, thoughtful, kind, women with successful careers here and abroad. They learn by example and if you value a glass of wine more than time with your kids then you deserve exactly what you get, the same selfish thoughtless attitude you give to them.
Thank you and good night.

KeiTeNgeNge · 13/10/2018 22:06

Glad the outcome worked out well for you op and that you have sorted travel arrangements for the upcoming weekend. I would have chosen the sleep option and told her to walk/bus/taxi with her boyfriend too.

buscaution · 13/10/2018 22:10

They learn by example and if you value a glass of wine more than time with your kids then you deserve exactly what you get, the same selfish thoughtless attitude you give to them.

This in bucketloads.

Collecting teens from parties isn't about them not being able to get home themselves.

KeiTeNgeNge · 13/10/2018 22:16

bus daughter sprang request on op out of the blue on a night when op was extremely tired and desperately needed an early night. It is actually ok for her to do that. One does not have to be a matyr to parent. At 17 daughter needs to start thinking about being considerate too.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 13/10/2018 22:20

They learn by example and if you value a glass of wine more than time with your kids then you deserve exactly what you get, the same selfish thoughtless attitude you give to them.

This is such a hysterical post. A 17 year old is more than capable of getting an uber or walking home 1 mile with her boyfriend. What on earth are you going to do in a years time when she's at the other end of the country at uni. Drive to Edinburgh or wherever every time she has a night out?

Lots of 17/18 year olds go out Friday and Saturday night do you expect their parents to sit in every evening waiting to collect them? This level of mollycoddling is totally unnecessary unless the child has SN. They need to learn to be independent and considerate of their parents' social life too.

buscaution · 13/10/2018 22:21

Thread has moved on from the OP.

My post was in agreement with a poster talking generally about her own DD's.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 13/10/2018 22:22

bus I don't think you read the thread. No sane person would stay up late when they're exhausted and give up their own planned evening to spend 4 precious minutes with their child on the one mile drive home! Come on! I love time with my kids but that's ridiculous!

buscaution · 13/10/2018 22:24

Interesting how doing something nice for a teenager is seen as mollycoddling. Mine gets home by taxi quite often, but if I can I will pick her up, usually to save her some money. It's just a nice thing to do. Incidentally last time I went out she did an hour round trip to pick me up. Yes at 17 they should be able to get home themselves, but does that really mean we should never offer a kindness to them ever again Confused

buscaution · 13/10/2018 22:25

fred. Like o said, the thread has evolved. My post was a response to one person talking about their own DD's.

Nothing to do with the OP being tired. Her DD is already home.

corythatwas · 13/10/2018 22:34

They learn by example and if you value a glass of wine more than time with your kids then you deserve exactly what you get, the same selfish thoughtless attitude you give to them.

Did I miss something or wasn't the OP's dd going to a party? Not setting out to save the world or something. Or prioritising time with her mum. And with a boyfriend who was presumably perfectly capable of walking a mile.

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 13/10/2018 22:36

For a 15 minute walk I'd just take trainers and run it instead

BengalLioness · 13/10/2018 22:46

I would personally feel that it's unsafe unless another parent drops her off or she shares a taxi with others. If that's out of the question I would just say she's not allowed to the party .

You're allowed to be tired once in a while and not want to pick her up. She doesn't have to call the shots. You're the parent.

theworldistoosmall · 13/10/2018 23:11

Great to see yet more posts saying basically as parents we should put our lives on hold and never do anything other than work. Because that's what you are saying when telling the op to pick her up. Cancel any plans, in fact, don't bother to arrange anything as you have to be at the beck and call of her.

How do some of these people cope when you are on holiday or something? Surely they don't stay in until you are back.

Canuckduck · 13/10/2018 23:31

She’s not a baby. She’s a young woman. You’ve offered reasonable options and she’s choosing not to accept them. At 17 she should be able to manage this. What if you had plans / tickets / work do. Would you be expected to drop everything to collect her?

MajesticWhine · 13/10/2018 23:47

I would not pick up my teens from a party. Mainly because they never ask me to. I would assume it would be seriously embarrassing. They use public transport or uber (on my credit card) if necessary and have been doing since age 16, if not earlier.
OP I hope you enjoyed your wine.

Jagblue · 13/10/2018 23:57

Racecardriver you sound so unreasonable. I'm 50 years old I've been in hundreds of taxis all over the world and not once I was unsafe.
Most times alone late at night. Most taxi drivers are hard working people not rapist or molesters. Confused

SusanneLinder · 14/10/2018 00:16

acegod are you going to be wiping your kids arses at 17 then?
Ridiculous comment!

SusanneLinder · 14/10/2018 00:36

Am actually howling at Mrs Drudge Grin. I have a perfectly great relationship with my 3 DD's ( 2 are married), and NONE of them expected me to go and pick them up at daft o'clock everytime they went out.
When kids are almost adults, they have to learn safety and responsibility.
Yes I have picked them up on occasion, but am certainly not putting my life on hold if I have other plans.
The OP arranged for a taxi, paid for it, boyfriend was with her and it was a mile away!
Seriously, mollycoddled adults.

Swipe left for the next trending thread