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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused to collect DD from party tonight.

430 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 12/10/2018 19:32

DD is just 17, we live in London. She is going to a party tonight with school friends, about 1 mile away.

She has asked me to pick her up at 11.30. I said no, I am tired after a week at work, want to have some wine and a relaxing evening. I have offered to pay for an Uber for her. She says she feels unsafe in one and would rather walk. I have suggested that her boyfriend gets the Uber with her, drops her off at home and takes the Uber to his house, all on the family account.

She thinks I am being very unfair and uncaring. Apparently all her friends parents pick them up from parties, so she will ask one of them to bring her home. I feel that I am being manipulated, and previously 11.30 has been extended to midnight and beyond.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 13/10/2018 19:48

you might as well get rid of your daughter if can look after her. putting your luxuary life before safe gaurding your daughter is disgraceful. RIP

Lmao. Funniest thing I’ve seen in ages

winewolfhowls · 13/10/2018 19:54

I would pick her up, as long as it wasn't more than once a month. It's kind to be kind, after all and it's not far. Some of the greatest conversations I ever had with my dad were on random car journeys.

ChiaraRimini · 13/10/2018 20:00

The party was one mile away, ie 15 minutes walk. JFC why couldn't the boyfriend walk her home. Unbelievable. No way my teens would expect me to collect them. They regularly get train to London ((30 miles away) for parties and don't expect to be babied. Unreal.

ElectricMonkey · 13/10/2018 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/10/2018 20:05

And I have absolutely no reason to believe (from observation, as a frequent user of our local taxi firm) that dh is a better driver than their average taxi driver.

Unless your DH is a bad driver, you don't live where I do then! The taxi drivers are often terrible drivers and I have no faith that they haven't been working very long shift or that they have been properly vetted (probably impossible for many as they are not always from the UK).
I think people's attitudes to taxis probably vary a lot according to where they live. I notice another poster lives in the same city as me and she always picks her DD up. I don't think any of DDs friends ever use taxis either.

Fontofnoknowledge · 13/10/2018 20:06

Unbelievable. No wonder they have the nickname of the 'snowflake generation ' !

At 17 mine got themselves there and back. We are 5 miles from the nearest town.

In a year she will be at Uni (presumably) will she still be calling for lifts ?

MrsDrudge · 13/10/2018 20:08

Give the wine a miss and go pick her up. A few years time when she has left home you will realise how precious your time together is, and how quickly it goes. Even 10 minutes with your daughter is worth more than a glass of wine ffs.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/10/2018 20:08

You’ve offeeed to pay for a Uber and for bf to travel In With her and then Pay for him to go home

More then fair

Tho was this discussed earlier. Did you say you would pick her up and now want wine

ElectricMonkey · 13/10/2018 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

willgiveitago · 13/10/2018 20:11

YANBU. I don’t have time to read the whole thread - but at 17 she should be learning independence and get a taxi. You have to make your own way home if you leave home at 18 and go to uni. Some people go to uni at 17. I find it totally bizarre that parents are driving out at 11.30 to pick up 17 year olds. Parenting at the moment can seem very weird. When I was 17 (I’m 36 now) I didnt know a single soul who’d get collected by parents - it was taxi home or walk.

Original poster
BlueSkyBurningBright · 13/10/2018 20:20

Thank you for all the response, even the funny ones. So many extreme views. Some make it sound as if I never do anything for or spend any time with DD.

Last night was the first I had heard of me picking her up. I had already picked her up from an event she went to during the week, at 11pm from the nearest tube.

I take on board some views on Uber, she has got one home only once before and I liked it that I knew who the driver was and could track the journey and she does not have to worry about having the money on her. Next time I may offer the cab company across the road.

We have talked about next weekend and what she has planned. She is going to a party on both Friday and Saturday. I have offered to pick up on Friday at midnight, but Saturday she is going to get a lift with friends.

OP posts:
Dungeondragon15 · 13/10/2018 20:22

Parenting at the moment can seem very weird. When I was 17 (I’m 36 now) I didnt know a single soul who’d get collected by parents - it was taxi home or walk.

You are joking. While parents didn't pick children up when I was 17 (thirty five years ago) plenty were picking their children up 15 years later. It isn't something that has only recently happened and has probably more to do with the fact that people are a little more aware of the potential dangers than they used to be. I think that there is also variation depending on where people live.

corythatwas · 13/10/2018 20:27

"Unless your DH is a bad driver, you don't live where I do then! The taxi drivers are often terrible drivers and I have no faith that they haven't been working very long shift or that they have been properly vetted (probably impossible for many as they are not always from the UK)."

Quite possibly. I live in a city, have used the same taxi company for 25 years and always found them professional and reliable. Not in the least worried by the fact that many of them aren't from the UK. Dh, while not a terrible driver, is not particularly good at assessing situations in advance or driving smoothly; while I don't feel unsafe travelling with him, a nice ride with the local taxi firm is a far more comfortable option.

And in any case, I think you do have the right to say, as a parent, "no this time I have been working all week and I am tired. You can choose not to go to the party, or you can choose to travel home with your boyfriend, but I need my rest tonight".

If those 10 minutes are so precious, then maybe the dd could stay at home with her all evening?

fwiw my dd has now left home and while I miss her I don't sit here mourning every time I could have had 10 more minutes if I had accompanied her somewhere or not gone to bed when I was tired or whatever. Yes, time together is precious. But if the OP is anything like me, she will have had plenty of precious times together and can still be allowed to be tired.

I think it is good for young people to realise that something other people do get tired, and that their social lives are not the only things that matter.

PillowOfSociety · 13/10/2018 20:35

“Even 10 minutes with your daughter is worth more than a glass of wine ffs”

This is DEFINITELY not true of my 17 yo. What I get out of my 17 year old in ten mins is “wosalright” “yeahfineIsaidFINE” ,

Much rather have a glass of wine.

MrsDrudge · 13/10/2018 20:39

Totally agree - make the most of your time with her

Annette69 · 13/10/2018 20:42

Uber and Tinder are basically the same thing: You agree to meet a stranger hoping they take you home and you don’t fucking die.

Worzilgummidge · 13/10/2018 20:43

Hell you harsh lot. I would certainly pick my child up 17 or 27 they are precious.

corythatwas · 13/10/2018 20:50

By the time mine are 27 I'd rather hope they'd have cottoned on to the idea that I'm precious too, and that if they can save me some trouble at the end of a tiring day by travelling home PERFECTLY SAFELY WITH THEIR BOYFRIEND perhaps that might sometimes be a good idea.

ElectricMonkey · 13/10/2018 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fontofnoknowledge · 13/10/2018 20:59

Hey you bunch of neglectful mothers.. why aren't you all flagellating yourselves at you poor parenting and wishing you were as wonderful as Acegod and MrsDrudge. They have surely found the perfect way to mollycoddle their children into complete dependency. Thus ensuring the joy of parenting never ends !

Stillwishihadabs · 13/10/2018 21:05

Hang on, the party is a mile away ? She is 17 why on earth is her boyfriend not walking her home (and coming in for a sneaky shag)

NotBeforeCoffee · 13/10/2018 21:07

Jesus, someone has been mollycoddled.
I grew up in London and my parents would never have picked me up from a party and certainly not offered to get me a cab. She needs to learn to be responsible for herself

UndertheCedartree · 13/10/2018 21:11

I don't think I would have been dead having my parents pick me up at 17!

CrispbuttyNo1 · 13/10/2018 21:12

At 17 I would have walked a mile no problem.. can’t understand why the boyfriend couldn’t walk her home either..

Pinkblanket · 13/10/2018 21:24

My dad and my friends dad's were always ferrying us about at that age (well over 20 years ago), loads of happy memories! We got plenty of taxis too, but we had a good laugh with our parents . I'm glad we did.