DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

I don't think it's a massive over-reaction. Ultimately some kids told to kys do. The school need to be showing that it's never ok. I know it wasn't meant seriously, but she shouldn't have done it. 3 days is quite a lot though. I think the boy was totally out of order too and should have received a strong punishment too.

Unfortunately for you op there have been cases where other teens have died from terms like this, and encouraging suicide, the school HAVE to take it very seriously.

@just he sends porn, she tells him to do one (in an obnoxious way), dobs on her and gets them both into trouble. So as well as being a sneaky twat, he’s also an idiot. Plus he’s an obnoxious bully

They both should have been excluded for the same amount of time. It was a cruel and disgusting thing for you daughter to say and quite right that she was punished for it. I do hope that you aren’t minimising the gravity of it at home and that this deters her to refrain from telling people to commit suicide in the future.

What punishment did he receive op? It is not on that he is sending porn links either.

Strongmummy

He didn't send "porn" he sent a name, which the DD didn't search up.

We don't know what punishment he has received and the school won't say.

There is usually a procefure for exclusions. First offence = 1 day, 2nd offence = 2 days etc. Has she been excluded before?

I think he should get a similar punishment. I do not think your daughter's punishment is harsh.

I don't agree that saying 'kys' is necessarily 'cruel and disgusting'. I mean telling people to 'stfu' or whatever else could trigger them to kill themselves. Anything which injures somebody's feelings could make them break down.

Well she won't do that again, that's for sure.

WOW. Teacher here. Totally disagree. I think she should have had one day isolation or MAX one day exclusion. It’s got to be taken in context and she obviously didn’t mean it literally. They have UNDERreacted to the boy’s behaviour. I’d complain.

I don't agree that saying 'kys' is necessarily 'cruel and disgusting'. I mean telling people to 'stfu' or whatever else could trigger them to kill themselves. Anything which injures somebody's feelings could make them break down.

Agree.

We used to say drop dead or go jump off a bridge etc. meaning go away in a particularly harsh way as children, I can't see how three initials is any different to that.

There is usually a procefure for exclusions. First offence = 1 day, 2nd offence = 2 days etc. Has she been excluded before?

Depends on the severity of the offence. I think this is pretty serious and obviously the school do too.

If this happened via the school email then the monitoring would have picked up your DD's reply and as PP have pointed out there is history of young people doing exactly that after being told to KYS.

Unihorn was cyber bullying a big thing then? Was the inability to escape bullies, even in your own home a thing?

I doubt it.

Sorry, but that's an awful thing to send anyone. Some are seriously saying oh it's just being flippant?! That is an awful thing to flippantly send.
She deserved her punishment, sorry.
Also, the boy sent her a porn link aimed to get her in trouble and embarrass her. Why is she the bully and he the victim?
Don't think you read the OP properly, she said he said "google so and so" and she presumably did and fell for it, hence her delightful reply.
I've seen people on here in daft threads say "go on, dare ya to google dragon butter" or whatever. (Still never have as I'm not stupid enough to lol)
Anyone falling for it, should they retaliate with KYS too?
Not flippant, horrible.

I did not know kids said this flippantly. It is awful and the school will rarely have a chance to demonstrate the punishment for this so have to take the opportunity.

This should not be every day language able it can be damaging if said to someone who is struggling regularly.

I read a story about a teenager killing themselves because of lots of little comments from different people different days.

Your DD needs to learn this. Better this way than if a classmate acts on it.

It seems right that the school punish her for that, although 3 days exclusion does seem a bit severe given the circumstances.

The boy sounds like a manipulative, whiny little sod - he should have got the same punishment as her. Sending a porn link to embarrass her and then running to the teacher is worse than her ill thought out, flippant response in my view.
I

I agree, but perhaps he has other issues that the school are aware of. Whatever, he tried to provoke a response and she complied. Take this opportunity to reinforce that the best way to deal with twats is to blank them.

And if he had killed himself, if that was the ‘last straw’ how would that guilt have affected your daughters life?

I think the current equivalent of ‘fuck off and die’ is a pretty tame response to sexual harassment.

Shame on the school for not considering his behaviour to warrant exclusion too.

Or if she didn't type it in and just said KYS in retaliation, that's still not acceptable.

I'm shocked at a teacher saying it's an overreaction. Petite - have you ever had a pupil take their own life after a classmate told them to go kill themselves?

That is a dreadful thing to say and I would fully expect my DS or DD to get a similar if not harsher punishment if they did this. That is not something that can be said flippantly. If you are defending her, it seems that you are enabling her to think it is ok to say things like this or worse. How would your DD feel if something happened to the boy. She may not know what else is hoing on his life. This could have tipped him over the edge.

I think this is harsh. She did not start it. I would encourage her to continue standing up for herself.