Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

999 replies

olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:29

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 12/10/2018 18:50

If it's a casual thing people are saying right, left and centre in fortnite, which I don't know for sure but can easily believe then I agree it's a bit harsh however as a PP has said, in the current climate there is zero tolerance for such things and unfortunately it becomes very hard to defend.

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 18:50

Fit the crime

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 18:50

I can't help sitting here thinking it's a bit harsh.

Uh huh. The parents of the children who repeatedly sent that to two girls local to me who took their own lives said the same. “Oh it’s just banter” “oh it’s not that bad” “oh you’re being too harsh”

Bullshit. Kids are taking their own lives because of this shit, take some responsibility.

Yes, the boy’s actions were disgusting and he absolutely should be punished. Did your DD need to do what he told her to do though? No.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/10/2018 18:50

Why on earth would he 'tell on her ' after sending her something about porn?
I would have said he sounds a bit dim for indicting himself, but in this case he seems to have got away with it, which is really quite worrying.

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/10/2018 18:51

I feel really sorry for your dd to be honest. I agree she should have been suspended because you have to be so careful saying things like that these days. So the school did what they had to do. But I can see it just being a flippant comment that she absolutely did not mean. She had been punished and presumably knows why it was wrong. The other child is not your concern although I think what he did was disgusting. Please don’t be too harsh on her, my heart goes out to her she must be feeling awful.

user1471426142 · 12/10/2018 18:51

I think there is an overreaction here. She’s clearly using it instead of fuck off after some provocation. Context is everything really. If she had been sending it to someone in a bullying way or genuinely suggesting it to someone vulnerable then that would have been completely different and absolutely should have been stamped down upon.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 12/10/2018 18:52

No idea where the fortnite link is supposed to have come from. I play it and so does my son- never heard it on there

CarolDanvers · 12/10/2018 18:52

Yep, sounds like a fitting punishment to me. She will learn not to say it again.

Will the boy involved learn not to send porn references to other children I wonder 🤔. Who knows? And going by this thread it doesn't seem like many people care.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/10/2018 18:52

Marble179

that's not even an issue here, you are just spoiling for an argument

Now pointing out that people are excusing a girl's behaviour is spoiling for a fight, The girl could have "dobbed in" the boy but she choose to reply in one of the worse ways possible.

He has been punished, she has been punished, hopefully niether will do it again

Holdingonbarely · 12/10/2018 18:52

The only good to come out of this is she’ll never say something so horrific so flippantly. As I said. The punishment worked

QuietContraryMary · 12/10/2018 18:52

there's a bit of a difference between a sustained campaign of bullying a person, and replying to someone trying to get you to view porn with, essentially, 'fuck off'.

Nesssie · 12/10/2018 18:53

repeatedly sent that - that’s the key. Repeated and unprovoked = bullying.

In response to a disgusting suggestion = not wise, but not bullying and not meant seriously.

Original poster
olayjer · 12/10/2018 18:54

I don't play fortnite but dd says she didn't think it was such a huge deal as so many people say it on there. Like I say I don't play it

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/10/2018 18:54

I do agree it was essentially fuck off, not some sustained bullying campaign.

AuntBeastie · 12/10/2018 18:54

Both kids should be punished, both have behaved really badly.

Fortnite really is a fucking disaster for kids, isn’t it?

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/10/2018 18:55

I think the mistake your making is comparing the two punishments when they are for different things to different people.

KYS is a popular saying online but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable and the school has clearly decided to crack down on it. A google search of a porn star will make it clear there a porn star before she has to click on any links. It would have been clear from the results and she wouldn’t have seen anything explicit. That being said I would say you wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask the school if they would elevate the sending of such emails to a three day suspension in future.

Maybe your daughters attitude to sending the message (and I’m not saying she had one with them but maybe she did) made them think they had to crack down on her thinking a comment like that was acceptable.

Secretsquirrel252 · 12/10/2018 18:55

It sounds like she used it as my generation might use go fuck yourself. She’s been caught under a broad crackdown on that term because it can and has been used to harass people. A good learning opportunity for her to pick her language carefully when she puts something in print.

As for the boy, I would be seriously pissed off that he hasn’t been suspended. Read up on the school’s own policies and arrange a meeting with the head about safeguarding and sexual harassment.

FissionChips · 12/10/2018 18:55

I wouldn’t have punished her at home at all.
If creepy boy doesn’t want to be told to KYS then he shouldn’t be trying to get girls to do stuff they don’t want to.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 12/10/2018 18:55

Total overreaction by the school imo. The boy sounds like a manipulative, whiny little sod - he should have got the same punishment as her. Sending a porn link to embarrass her and then running to the teacher is worse than her ill thought out, flippant response in my view.

Furiosa · 12/10/2018 18:56

Sounds like a zero tolerance approach from the school. Useless but it absolves them of liability in cases of bullying.

GemmeFatale · 12/10/2018 18:56

While it is shocking to us oldies I think it’s just the yoof version of ‘drop dead’ which was pretty rampant at my school if someone tried to get you in trouble the way this boy did.

Snowymountainsalways · 12/10/2018 18:58

I am not sure why you are not more upset with the fact your dd has sent something like this to another child?

I would be horrified if this was my child put it that way.

There are other ways she could have defended herself, and if I were you I would talking about that, rather than moaning about the amount of days she has been excluded for. You are lucky it isn't longer.

Fridaydreamer · 12/10/2018 18:58

@Marble179

I wasn’t addressing what the boy did. That too was very very wrong. My answer was only in relation to the OP’s question about her DD’s punishment seeming harsh, which I don’t think it was.

bridgetreilly · 12/10/2018 18:58

I don't play fortnite but dd says she didn't think it was such a huge deal as so many people say it on there.

And now she's learning that it is a big deal. I think the punishment is appropriate and I think you need to explain to her why.

littleducks · 12/10/2018 18:58

Seems harsh. He sexual harassed her and 'started it.'

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.