DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Both of them should have been excluded, him for sexually harassing her and her for telling him to kill himself.

If my teenager said that to someone so called flippantly or not over any messenger system and got called out on it, damn right he should be punished.

Telling someone to kill themselves, over such a minor prank?

OP you need to go back to basics and teach your teenager right from wrong, this is bang out of order.

I know teenagers say flippant things, but I would have total sympathy if she had told him to go and fuck himself. NO, she told him to kill himself

Stop sticking up for her and comparing her punishment to the boys. The boy is NOT your concern, and by making such a drama over that...you are belittling what a vile thing she said

You should be punishing her at home, not dialling down her crime, in comparision to the boy, he is not your problem

Id be livid if this was my daughter

I also think that if you're concerned it would be worth having a quiet word with her tutor or person responsible for pastoral care so that the school can explain it's position.

Telling someone to kill themselves, over such a minor prank?

I disagree that the boy’s actions are minor. They are as bad.

She was just being flippant and it’s not her fault. She will have heard the same phrase being used in that exact context and assumed it’s ok. Now she knows it’s not. A harsh lesson but one she won’t need to learn twice.

The school is way over the top here.

KYS is just banter, used as a safe (and equally friendly) version of fuck off.

‘Minor prank’

Anyway ....

All the pearl clutches "What if he really did kill himself" jfc (epithet one for you to look up).

I would have said that if I was her too but she's clearly tripped a 'flag' word to get that punishment. She's learned a lesson in telling purple to go fuck themselves, instead.

She's could have reported him for trying to get her to see porn, basically child grooming if we're going to sail over every little thing

They were both in the wrong.

I don't think "KYS" should be taken as flippant. We shouldn't normalise that kind of thing, it's a serious issue.

The boy sending a porn reference is just as bad though imo.

SecretSquirrel is absolutley right.

The boy was in the wrong. He initiated it. She should have been told off for using that phrase and earned heavily not to do so again. No more than that.

The boy should have been suspended and warned not to violate others with porn use.

All the pearl clutches "What if he really did kill himself

Wow. I'm not clutching pearls, it was really fucking traumatic to have a pupil take their own life because of a" flippant" comment like this. The impact on the family, her classmates, us as staff. It's absolutely horrific.

So I'm not clutching pearls. Do one.

TeaForDad if you’d seen the teen suicide statistics for my town for the last 6 months you wouldn’t be so crass as to refer to people rightly telling OP her DD was wrong as “pearl clutchers”.

Fucking twats who minimise this shit are as responsible as the bullies imo.

My dad spent hours counselling a father who found his son hanging, clinging to life. He desperately tried to revive his only child, and it didn’t work.

Tell him that it’s pearl clutching.

*Warned

‘Minor prank’. Fucksake. It’s sexual harassment and that kind of minimisation is how the US have ended up with a Trump as president and Kavanaugh in the Supreme Court. Boys will be boys, eh?

If someone kills themselves in response to essentially being told to fuck off for trying to get someone to view porn, then quite frankly they have their own issues going on.

Yeah. They did have issues, because she was being terribly bullied. The "flippant" comment was the last straw.

I don’t see how ‘go kill yoirself’ Is any different to ‘go fuck yourself’ which is said all the time.

It isn’t literally wanting the other person to die.

KYS is just banter, used as a safe (and equally friendly) version of fuck off.

Kill yourself is just banter and a safe and equally friendly version of fuck off?
Just...since when did sending kill yourself become banter and friendly?
It doesn't automatically become more friendly hiding behind an abbreviation.
Sick. (Not the equally down with the kids meaning either of sick,either.)

It is a phrase used flippantly by a lot of young people. I think 3 day suspension is harsh, especially as the boy was directing her to use porn - to me that should attract just as harsh a punishment, if not more.

It is though a good opportunity for you dd to learn that KYS should not be used as a flippant, throwaway phrase and the possible consequences.

I don't think her punishment is an over reaction but I think his is a drastic under reaction. Tricking a 13yr old girl into looking at porn is a vile thing to do and should be severely punished. I also think he was deliberately goading her into reacting so he could cry foul. Horrid child.

I think sending porn is a lot worse to be honest.

And this thread highlights why “banter” is such a dangerous topic. So easy to hide behind without consideration of the impact of that banter.

(And yes what he did was equally as wrong but two wrongs don’t make a right)

I guess context is key, isn't it?

For the younger generation, "KYS" isn't always used literally and is perhaps synonymous with phrases like "fuck off", "go fuck yourself", "drop dead" etc.

Of course, there's that argument that saying something like that can result/have resulted in people actually committing suicide. However, I highly doubt it's due to that specific phrase on its own. In those cases, I'm guessing that, much unfortunately, anything from "shut the fuck up" to "no one likes you" would have led to the same consequences.

Not that I think this is something that should be normalised, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that in our current society, it's more often than not nowhere near as malicious as some PPs are making it out to be.