DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

Thanks for clarifying op!

The be a sheep comment means that your daughter can think for herself. She doesn't have to follow the crowd or do what everyone else is doing or Google something just because she's told to.

I need to go out now but my advice to you, as someone with years of experience in schools, is that there is more to this and you need to find out what that is.

It might be that the school is cracking down on this language, it might be other reasons. 3 day exclusion is a serious punishment. I would be asking why do they feel it is justified in this case?

Then I would keep my daughter away from anywhere that it is prevalent or considered normal. As you say, she is a child and needs protecting from things that she can't yet understand.

@MarshaBradyo No the school didn't allow it, but it still happened. And that's my point. Just because I think something is wrong, and you think it's wrong, doesn't stop others thinking it's right.

The majority of people on this thread think that both the boy and girl in this scenario did something wrong. But there is a spectrum upon which everyone sits, in terms of how serious they thought the acts were, and what the punishments should be. If it was black and white. Absolute. This thread would be a hell of a lot shorter!!

I have come to this thread very late on the day, but am frankly astounded at the vitriol and bias from some posters against Op's dd. A boy tricks a girl into looking at porn. Her response is a modern day version of the "drop dead" reply that would have been given in my day. It is seriously suggested that her behaviour is worse than his? Yes, yes, I know all about the current awareness of mental health issues, and the girl's response was less than ideal, but what about the effect of his behaviour? The response of the school suggests that her behaviour was far worse than his, when clearly that was not the case.

All I can say is that the school is right to come down hard on it

And that parents hopefully don’t normalise it and see it as casual slang

So I’m glad the school doesn’t allow that term in your example, and I’d add this one too.

Of course we are. Cos we're telling kids it's fine to tell other children to kill themselves because everyone says it nowadays

No-one has said it is fine, and if you do not have the intelligence to know that you are not fit to be a governor of an educational institution.

Your misogyny, victim blaming and total lack of awareness of the epidemic of sexual bullying and sexual victimisation in schools is equally appalling.

If I ever heard a governor of one of my children’s schools expressing such views, I leave no stone unturned to have them removed from office.

Totally unprofessional and unacceptable.

I need to go out now but my advice to you, as someone with years of experience in schools, is that there is more to this and you need to find out what that is

My advice to you is that you need training around sexual harassment in schools particularly wrt safeguarding.

Let’s be absolutely clear: trying to victim blame a 13 year for being tricked into accessing porn is deep misogyny,You and BrownTeddy are part of a major problem. It’s appalling.

Oh, for goodness sake.can you seriously not comprehend?! I have repeatedly said what he did was disgusting,and absolutely she should be telling him to fuck off or whatever. Little shit deserves to be told to fuck off.
YOU DO NOT go around telling people to kill themselves though and then have people trying to dismiss it as banter!

You forgot this did you Verbeena:

That's a point, not only did she say kill yourself she also more than
likely getting into trouble for googling porn in the first place
Not just the one wrong action.
Two big things right there and that's just what we know about.

All I can say is that the school is right to come down hard on it And that parents hopefully don’t normalise it and see it as casual slang

Loads of adults and presumably parents on here too who think it's a bantery thing to say and totally normal.
Then we wonder why mental health is on the decline.
The school is right to come hard on it. Just like they'd be right to come down hard on him for sexually harrassing her.

No,I didn't forget as it IS two big things she did.She googled porn, then told someone to go kill themselves.
That's two big things in writing, on the school email system.
Those ARE the two things we know about as that's what the OP told us.

I need to go out now but my advice to you, as someone with years of experience in schools, is that there is more to this and you need to find out what that is.

So you, a random on the Internet, know more than than the OP, and the school are hiding swathes of bad behaviour from her are they? Why do you insist there must be more to it? You accept then, that as it stands this punishment is excessive and inappropriate, so much so that there “must be more to it”. What if there isn’t? What is this is exactly how it is? Why do you think people are so outraged? Why have you spent a day arguing with people and criticising the OP’s dd if you believe that there must actually be more to this and her punishment is unreasonable?

You're that parent - disgusting behavior from you're daughter

Are you seriously discussing treating her to something nice?shock

It was me who mentioned Alton Towers.

And I’m being thoroughly punished for it now, I can assure you, judging from the number of Disneyland ads showing up on my sidebar/SM. 😭

You're that parent - disgusting behavior from you're daughter

And you’re that poster.

No-one has said it is fine, and if you do not have the intelligence to know that you are not fit to be a governor of an educational institution.

Actually people have said it's fine.

And I am quite clear on safeguarding, sexual harrasment, revenge porn, bullying, Prevent, CSE and everything else.

Hence me saying there is more to this.

Him doing what he did is wrong. What she did is wrong.

The school should have investigated and punished each child proportionately. If that's me being unprofessional then so be it.

No,I didn't forget as it IS two big things she did.She googled porn

Right,so what I said was absolutely correct and you have no grounds to argue: you are victim blaming a 13 year old for being tricked into accessing porn. Full stop.

Right,so what I said was absolutely correct and you have no grounds to argue: you are victim blaming a 13 year old for being tricked into accessing porn. Full stop.

For God's sake. I am not blaming her at all, but you won't see that.She's right to be upset.
I've said you don't tell people to kill themselves.You just don't. And it's never banter.

she's right to be upset that should read

I find it unbelievable the amount of mothers who seem to be ok with the blatant sexual harassment of your daughter by a creep at school but that typing KYS and sending it to the little p@!ck justifies suspending her. Of course, it's never ok to upset a boy but who gives a damn when it's a young girl who is being made to feel like rubbish?? I'm with you, absolutely not on that she received such a punishment.

Actually people have said it's fine.

No. Some posters have put in context, and some think it’s worse than others, but no-one actually has said it is ‘fine’.

And I am quite clear on safeguarding, sexual harrasment, revenge porn, bullying, Prevent, CSE and everything else.

No, no, no. You have consistently ignored and minimised the sexual bullying aspect to this case. When you have mentioned mental health in schools you made no reference to the problems of sexual harassment, sex offences and misogyny.

What about the sexual harassment of girls in schools? Does that not warrant a suspension???

So you, a random on the Internet, know more than than the OP, and the school are hiding swathes of bad behaviour from her are they? Why do you insist there must be more to it?

And you a random on the internet know what punishment the boy got, what part they both played in this plus the context for the school too? No you don't.

Throughout my posts I've told the OP to talk to the school.

I don't know if it's excessive. A 3 day exclusion is a harsh punishment. Is it excessive? I don't know. I don't know all of the details.

And there will be more to this, as I explained. It might be within the context of the school. But there is a reason. I've just been to a 15 year old's funeral. I can imagine that school stamping down on this within the context of a student just having killed themselves for example.

KYS is a pretty stock standard thing to say in the new generations. Like 'drop dead'. The boy should not have encouraged her to look at pornography. Sexual harassment should be severely punished.

Yes!! Thank you!!