DD used the phrase "KYS" and has been suspended for 3 days?!

[olayjer]

DD is 13 and said sent the phrase "KYS" to a boy in her year after he sent her an email saying "type X into the school internet" (the X is the name of a porn star that wouldn't seem like a porn star name if you see what I mean). She replied "KYS" back on the same email. The school have said the boy will be punished for the initial email but he clearly hasn't been punished as much as DD has. 3 days exclusion!?

When you've worked in a school where two pupils (one you've taught) have committed suicide, this suddenly takes on a very serious and grave tone.

Your daughter should defend herself. Equally, she should not ever use those words, and such harsh words were an overreaction to being tricked into looking at pornography.

Her punishment was just in my eyes. A great number of teenagers deal with MH issues so this is something that needs to be stamped out. Look at it this way - she will never do it again.

I think the boy receiving lesser punishment is just as well. Though should still be excluded for a day or two. It's unacceptable to do that.

If her friend told her to jump off a cliff would she do it?

That genuinely made me
One of my Dad's favourite sayings when I was little lol.
May have used it on my two in the past after saying "but he/she made me do it!"
Me - "if they jumped off a cliff, would you?"
Makes them stop for a minute and think via a confused expression but you can see the cogs whirring

I’m sure I’d be able to squeeze a bit of Germaine Greet

*GreeR. FFS! My fingers today.

CarolDanvers

When a pupil is excluded the parents are told that they have to keep the child away from public places and supervised during the exclusion. Basically they can't be out and about and enjoying themselves.

I don't have a letter to hand but there are sanctions if a parent allows that to happen.

Same as if you allow a child to stay home for school and go out for the day, out shopping etc.

That's a point, not only did she say kill yourself she also more than likely getting into trouble for googling porn in the first place.
Not just the one wrong action.
Two big things right there and that's just what we know about.

Jesus Christ did you really just say this.

Let’s be absolutely clear: trying to victim blame a 13 year for being tricked into accessing porn is deep misogyny,

You and BrownTeddy are part of a major problem. It’s appalling.

I wouldn't be punishing her at home. This must all have been really stressful for her.

How so? She’s been suspended. Not up to the school to tell me what to do with her during that period

Not up to the school no. It's the law.

As the OP has the papers there I'm sure she can tell you what it says about where the student can go.

@BrownPaperTeddy well good luck with making that stick. I home educate my 15 year old and have done since he was 8. Never once been challenged by anyone, official or otherwise in all that time.

Good for the school!

The only "punishment" she has is no games. Nothing else. I'm not mad at her or anything, she isn't too upset by losing her game because I've told her it's so we can have some nice time together this week (especially on the days she is excluded)

I know, I can't actually believe the people blaming her for looking it up!

She may be seeing the pornography sent to her by boys who should be suspended!

Unless I've read the op correctly, that isn't quite what happened.

Boy sends OP's daughter an email saying 'Google this name [of actor who has appeared in pornographic films]' rather than a direct link or a pornographic image.

OP's daughter (not being daft) doesn't Google the name and sends back message to KYS.

Is that right op?

Even if she had googled the name, the school's internet filters would have in all liklihood blocked access and if not, a Google search wouldn't have sent her directly to a porn site.

Yes it was hugely immature, but isn't of the same order as sending pornographic images, just as a comment made out of justifiable annoyance to 'KYS' isn't the same as sustained mental bullying and neither should be treated as such.

As the OP has the papers there I'm sure she can tell you what it says about where the student can go.

Fairy nuff. 3 day video fest it is then.

Does this cover the whole of the UK, btw? I’m in Scotland and have never heard of such a thing.

A 13 year old boy at a school near us did just that last week after being bullied. In light of this 3 days is very light - stupid people who send such messages never know what the outcome will be from sending such messages. Your daughter is at best incredible stupid at worse bordering on the wicked

You and BrownTeddy are part of a major problem. It’s appalling

Of course we are. Cos we're telling kids it's fine to tell other children to kill themselves because everyone says it nowadays.

We're also saying if someone tells you to do something, just do it. Without thinking about any consequences or why they are doing it. Don't think for yourself just be a sheep.

Yep. Part of the problem clearly.

Oh it's just something they say @ButchyRestingFace. They can't police it unless I suppose your child is out while they're excluded, causing a public nuisance or something, which is what this legislation is supposed to cover really.

I don't get the be a sheep comment?? If a friend suggests a really nice drink to you and you try it but actually it's got a liquid in it that makes your teeth fall out. You'd seriously blame the person for trying it? Even though it was clearly a trick by the friend? I don't get why you're so odd about that.

"Wicked"

get a grip.

Also I love how people can't understand the difference between saying this in response to someone, once and bullying someone for months with this phrase often thrown in.

If someone hits someone once as an act of being chocked, it's completely different to someone hitting someone repeatedly for weeks on end.

Why do people not understand the difference?

@MarshaBradyo But who is we? I've also spent the last decade working with young people. And in one central London school, there were a lot of young black people using the N word to each other. I don't think it's right. I don't use it. I would admonish anyone who did. But they had their own reasons for using it, and felt justified in doing so. In my head it's wrong, but in theirs it wasn't. Shades of grey.

A 13 year old boy at a school near us did just that last week after being bullied. In light of this 3 days is very light - stupid people who send such messages never know what the outcome will be from sending such messages. Your daughter is at best incredible stupid at worse bordering on the wicked

This thread has now officially lightsped into the Twilight Zone.

@EmperorTomatoRetchup I assume you haven't read all what I've written? (Not blaming you for not btw! But it would just help you :))

She did look up the name (she had no reason not to, it wasn't Sarah Jane or something it was something ridiculous like happy farm cow) - obviously not that but you get the point. The internet does not filter those words as those aren't usually related to porn. So all images popped up and links. If she obviously then clicked on a link, that would be blocked but the initial search wasn't and the head of year said the would fix that.

She wasn't daft to think it was going to be something funny ffs.

Are you seriously discussing treating her to something nice?
She told another pupil, who was quite stupid himself and got punished for it, to go and kill himself. As a bonus she's done it during mental health awareness week...
Rather than taking her out, teach your daughter how to properly react to things and you could also educate her about suicide.
I certainly hope the boy's parents are having stern talk with him too.

I really don't want to see some of the kids in 10 years. Sociopaths with no understanding of how their behaviour affects others and that they shouldn't do or say some things

Sar the school allows it?
Ah I’d loathe that

bordering on the wicked

This has to be the most hysterical and ridiculous comment on this thread and the bar has been set incredibly high.

I haven't said I'm taking her out the previous poster is right anyway, I'm not allowed to. It says on the paper. I am going to spend some good quality time with her though, probably watching a few films.