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Original poster

To change my baby's name... feeling guilt and sadness

286 replies

tiffysaccount · 12/10/2018 15:23

Hello mums

Well long story short we named our baby girl Abigail and registered her and I dislike the name or so I thought. I'd like some help processing these emotions and to try to figure out what's best for us.

I hate it when people call her Abi/Abby and it seems like that is what they constantly do. Plus I knew an Abi who was a complete bitch at school and I don't know why I didn't think of the association beforehand. Stupid. We've told people we are going to call her Abigail no nicknames and they don't seem to respect it. Feels like fingernails on a chalkboard whenever I hear Abigail or Abi. Just seems off to me.

I wanted to name her something else, I don't want to post for privacy purposes sorry but it's also a classic normal name.

I don't know why on earth I didn't name her that, DH loved the name and is now OK with me changing it to that, I have his full blessing.

She is 15 weeks now, if you would have asked me to change it 6 weeks ago i would have done the paperwork immediately but now I am not sure. This absolutely breaks my heart and I'm so confused.

I was going back in her baby book the other day and saw a hospital birth record with Abigail on it and her little feet stamped on it and I just burst into tears at the thought of changing it. I feel that if I changed the name I would be changing her. It's almost like, I hate the name but now it's hers and I can't take it from her. It's the strangest emotion, hating the name but almost loving it because it's hers.

Then I think back to the hospital and my husband filling out the birth certificate and holding her in his arms. The name means "father's joy" as well.

I'm so bloody confused about this whole thing that I'm in tears about it every day. I like the other name so much more and I don't know if I can see her being Abigail or Abi the rest of her life. I think about changing it but I get such a deep feeling of heartbreak and guilt over it and I feel that if I did change it these feelings would linger forever on.

How unreasonable am I being here. From this mess I've typed out, do you think I'm best off keeping the name or changing it? I can't tell if it's mum guilt talking or my emotions or what and it's exhausting.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/10/2018 17:49

Naked should have been early Shock

Autocorrect can be nuts sometimes!!!!

nethun1 · 12/10/2018 17:49

It's too late.
You'll get used to it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/10/2018 17:50

Oh and it’s not too late and you don’t have to get used to it Smile

smellingofroses · 12/10/2018 18:05

I changed my daughters name when she was around 8 weeks old, just hated the other name we had for her, felt it didn't fit her at all. Took a few weeks to correct family and the few friends who met her but within no time at all the other name was forgotten. Changed her name by deed poll just before registering for school.

It's no big deal

ravenmum · 12/10/2018 18:07

You can change it on the birth certificate within the first 12 months, though, right?

Mrsbclinton · 12/10/2018 18:09

When I had my DD family members straight away started calling her by a nickname.
I didnt like it & told them so.

My reason was it took me long enough to decide on her name that I didnt want family calling her something different.

Now she is in school & all her friends & sometimes her siblings call her by the nickname.

For some reason it doesn't bother me any more. She will always be her full name to me & thats who she is to me.
If you really feel changing her name will make you feel happier then do but remember people can come up with nicknames for practically every name. I have a very traditional short name that people make longer as a nickname!

NerdyBird · 12/10/2018 18:23

DSD1 has an awkwardly hyphenated name. It's just two names hyphenated together rather than a common pairing like Anne-Marie. They don't quite roll off the tongue together. Anyway, that's her name and everyone calls her it. I've never heard anyone shorten it and she doesn't herself, so you might be fine with the no nicknames thing.

I love the name Abigail but if you really want to change it I'd suggest trying the new name for a week or so and see if you can see the dr in the mean time just in case you may have PND. If it were me I'd just add it as a new name rather than have the new name a middle name.

theWarOnPeace · 12/10/2018 18:36

My husband isn’t known by his BC name, and neither is one of my sons. A good friend of mine has a kid known only by their middle name. Think of it like that. The reality of it is that to change her name is nothing in the grand scheme of things, I totally get why you’re torn, but what are the consequences of changing or not changing? If you change her name, what terrible consequences will there be? There are none that I can think of. If you change her name, you’ll be used to it in a couple of weeks and feel happier about it. My son’s name is nowhere on any official docs, at school he uses his preferred name and they are aware of his official name. Even from 4, he has known the difference between his passport name and his ‘proper’ name. It literally makes no difference to anyone what you call your child. She’ll have the name for a very long time, so change it if you can’t stand it. FWIW I intensely dislike the name Abigail, it’s like nails down a blackboard for me, too. Do what you like, nobody but you and your husband need to like a name. As you don’t, your choice seems clear to me.

sophiesoph13 · 12/10/2018 21:03

OP I undestand howa name can be spoiled by someone you know .I always liked the name "russell" but teh man at work who attempted to sexually assualt me is called Russell. vaught to have reported him at the time but he was horrible and now the name is ruined.

sophiesoph13 · 12/10/2018 21:04

*aught

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2018 21:21

Try out the name you want at home eith your dd and so.

If you love it it’s not too late and you don’t have to get used to it.

Change it of you want to. We referee to my bump as a star wars name, when she arrived we called her by her name. It doesn't matter she was star wars for the first 7-9 months in vitro and it won't matter if your little one is Abigail for the first 7-9 months either.

SezziBaybee · 12/10/2018 23:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 13/10/2018 07:16

Coming back to say that actually I do think Abigail is a profoundly lovely name, and that I have three children ho all go by their full names even though each of them have reasonably obvious shortenings. (Tbf the shortenings, or variants thereof, do get used among their friends, and other shortenings get given affectionately among the extended family, but that doesn't have to bother me - none of them have taken over as 'the name', iysim).

Frazzledmum123 · 13/10/2018 10:22

I hope you are ok OP, fwiw I'll be both Abigail and Abi but I guess that's irrelevant as it only matters how you feel.
If it really makes you unhappy, change it. I totally understand how you feel, like you will have somehow lost your Abigail. It sounds crazy but I get it. I didn't make my baby for the first few weeks of his life and it worried people. Perhaps I did have pnd slightly but I'm not sure it wasn't basic hormone fuelled baby blues mixed with the enormity of becoming a mum for the first time, it's overwhelming and no reflection on your love for your baby or how good a mum you are. It's normal but it passes and if you do change her name I promise the guilt won't last. Like others have said, it's kind of cool, a great story for her to tell people, she will love that.
Only you can decide but I do regret not using my nans name as a middle name for my dd, I even looked into getting it added but once they are older it's not quite as official, middle name changes don't go down on many documents. So if you really don't like her name, change it soon. And be kind to yourself, she's still tiny, how you are feeling is completely normal Flowers

Frazzledmum123 · 13/10/2018 10:22

*should have said I love both Abigail and Abby, not I'll be!!

Frazzledmum123 · 13/10/2018 10:24

*geez and it should have said I didn't name my ds not didn't make him!!

Antigon · 13/10/2018 10:36

Also wondering if you have PND as I don't get the angst and that it can be absolutely breaking your heart.

We're very pragmatic about names in my family, I know two little girls and a boy who had their names changed.

None of us batted an eyelid and we barely remember their original names now.

Change it, you'll barely remember this time in a few short years.

Thisreallyisafarce · 13/10/2018 10:42

Change it. She knows no different.

Zoflorabore · 13/10/2018 10:52

Don't worry about the middle name issue over sounding clunky op.

My dd has a 4 letter first name and then 3 very long middle names which don't even fit on her passport ( last letter is missing on 3rd name ) and dd only uses the first middle
name which was never planned but added due to the day she was born.

Her other two middle names are after mine and dp's dgm's who died when I was pg.

I still love both of my dc's names so if I felt
like you do now I wouldn't hesitate to change the name.
Better to do it now when she is still a baby and it will be second nature by the time nursery/school comes around.

Don't feel guilty Flowers

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/10/2018 10:56

Just change it OP. She's so young and people will get used to her new name. You have to love your baby's name and it has to feel right. Flowers

thymeandplaice · 13/10/2018 11:08

A friend changed her daughters name. She’d named her after her grandmother, but just didn’t feel it was ‘her’ name. Said grandma was still alive btw, so she risked hurt feelings, but if it bothers you that much you have to do it.

Italiangreyhound · 13/10/2018 11:28

OP out doesn't matter how many people like the name Abigail, if you do not like it, change it.

My friend did tgis at 6 weeks. It took days only yo get used to the new name. It's not worth the upset of sticking with something you don't want to stick with.

You may have PND on which case get that resolved with GP but if name issues stay start using new name and then go from there. FlowersFlowersFlowers

toastedbeagle · 13/10/2018 12:42

I'm slightly biased as one of my names is Abigail... it's a great name GrinGrin

I know what you mean about the diminutive thing though, my daughter has a lovely name but I hate the first few letters when used on it's own. Even though it's extremely close to "Abi " it doesn't feel like a proper name (whereas Abi feels fine to me). We shorten her name to the second half but it really grates when a friend uses the other nickname!!

LucieMorningstar · 13/10/2018 12:46

Rung the register office and ask them what can be done. Probably deed poll I think but they’ll tell you for certain.

LucieMorningstar · 13/10/2018 12:47

*Ring

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