To change my baby's name... feeling guilt and sadness

[tiffysaccount]

Hello mums

Well long story short we named our baby girl Abigail and registered her and I dislike the name or so I thought. I'd like some help processing these emotions and to try to figure out what's best for us.

I hate it when people call her Abi/Abby and it seems like that is what they constantly do. Plus I knew an Abi who was a complete bitch at school and I don't know why I didn't think of the association beforehand. Stupid. We've told people we are going to call her Abigail no nicknames and they don't seem to respect it. Feels like fingernails on a chalkboard whenever I hear Abigail or Abi. Just seems off to me.

I wanted to name her something else, I don't want to post for privacy purposes sorry but it's also a classic normal name.

I don't know why on earth I didn't name her that, DH loved the name and is now OK with me changing it to that, I have his full blessing.

She is 15 weeks now, if you would have asked me to change it 6 weeks ago i would have done the paperwork immediately but now I am not sure. This absolutely breaks my heart and I'm so confused.

I was going back in her baby book the other day and saw a hospital birth record with Abigail on it and her little feet stamped on it and I just burst into tears at the thought of changing it. I feel that if I changed the name I would be changing her. It's almost like, I hate the name but now it's hers and I can't take it from her. It's the strangest emotion, hating the name but almost loving it because it's hers.

Then I think back to the hospital and my husband filling out the birth certificate and holding her in his arms. The name means "father's joy" as well.

I'm so bloody confused about this whole thing that I'm in tears about it every day. I like the other name so much more and I don't know if I can see her being Abigail or Abi the rest of her life. I think about changing it but I get such a deep feeling of heartbreak and guilt over it and I feel that if I did change it these feelings would linger forever on.

How unreasonable am I being here. From this mess I've typed out, do you think I'm best off keeping the name or changing it? I can't tell if it's mum guilt talking or my emotions or what and it's exhausting.

Hi to all of you, I just wanted to pop in and give an update, forms have been sent off and our baby is officially Charlotte now!

I am feeling like a completely different woman, all the horrid feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment over the situation have gone away (with the help of continuing medication and a therapist and getting this sorted I think) and now I am enjoying my little Charlotte more than ever. I can't say I'm happy the situation happened, but it's not the disaster in my mind that it once was and it's becoming a funny story one day at a time.

Wanted to also thank you all for the support, I don't know if I could have done that final step without the encouragement from you all. xx

And I wanted to tell mums if you are in the same position with your little baby, with my hindsight, just bloody well do it if there's a name for you LO that just feels right and the old one feels very very wrong, chances are you'll feel so much better. Life is too short for regrets and bugger what anyone else thinks.

And for what it's worth, the reactions were very positive. A few examples, my colleague and I had a laugh and she said "Happy you got it figured out, she'll think this is a grand story someday", aunt only said "Oh, good, I like Charlotte too!" other aunt goes "Good job for being daring, DD won't care".

One of the best things I have done, now able to see it for what it really was, just a silly mistake at a high pressure time and not such a big deal. I am only human, we've all messed up a time or two, this was just mine!

Again, thank you all, I appreciate it so much. xx

I think it’s ok to change it if you feel strongly. No harm done. (Although I do like Abigail and there was a lovely girl at my school called Abbey). Don’t worry or feel too down about this. You’ll look back in a year and the fact that you made the change won’t seem so important then.

Oh I just read you post- Charlotte is beautiful! Congratulations on your baby girl, too

I agree with you having Abgail as her firsr name but calling her by her middle name can be a pain. It starts when they start school and their legal name comes up on the register. We never used my daughter’s legal name and it completely confused her. But more importantly she used to have other children comment and call her her legal name to annoy her.

Thanks for the update, it's lovely to hear you're happy.

Oh, lovely!

Well done you. Blessings to Charlotte and to you and DH.

Lovely update, so happy you took the plunge - we all said you'd feel better for it and it's great you can already see the amusing side of it!

Aww, good for you op

Reading the thread, your sadness was palpable. I am so pleased that you went and did it! It's good to read that you are feeling so much happier...enjoy your little Charlotte

Well done. Charlotte is a lovely name. Glad you feel much happier now. X

@tiffysaccount Thank you for sharing your story. By sharing, you've helped me to process my thoughts as I've found myself in the exact same situation. The layers of emotion have been intense and it feels very lonely when you're in it. My husband and I have also went ahead and changed our child's name. We never imagined ourselves in this situation, but we're very happy that we did. Thank you again!

To any other families that may be reading these posts and searching for an answer, please know that you're not alone!