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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re siblings etiquette at birthday parties

391 replies

dontyouforgetaboutme · 12/10/2018 10:50

So am not sure if AIBU or the other mums. It's my DDs 8th birthday party tomorrow and one mother has texted me to ask if it's ok to bring her 3 year old - she can play with another 3 year old who is coming. Well no one has checked with me re the other 3 year old coming. It appears it's been assumed they can . I am having the party in a hall, but have exactly the right number of party plates and cups, and party bags full of plastic crap.

So my AIBU is that I am pissed off and feel like saying no to the CFs, or should I just chill out. Both parents on the scene so no childcare issue with either family I am aware of. I would never dream of assuming another DC could come to a birthday party. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Whereismumhiding2 · 12/10/2018 11:20

Good OP, you've replied. I cross posted.

Whereismumhiding2 · 12/10/2018 11:23

Cross posted again. No other 3 year old isn't invited!! I'd text other CF mum and say "X said you were planning to bring (toddler name) to DD's party? We haven't invited siblings nor younger children to DD's party, so it's not possible. Feel free to drop (invited DD name) off instead of staying"

I'd nip it in the bud.

sad9999 · 12/10/2018 11:27

I didn't mind siblings. I did mind the invitee with a tummy bug

RiverTam · 12/10/2018 11:28

just say I'm very sorry but DD's party is for her friends only. To both parents.

You really don't want to end up having this kind of nonsense more than once, stop it now.

dippywhentired · 12/10/2018 11:28

Who chooses to stay at children's birthday parties! I can't wait until my youngest is old enough to drop and run! And no, I would never show up with him at a party my 8 year old was attending. Just rude!

TheChocolateTrain · 12/10/2018 11:29

Definitely lay up the table for invited friends only.

If you don't want confrontation, take a spare couple of (plain) plates in case they do stay. Then if extra children want food give them a handful of crisps and put them on the floor in the corner together. Get two bottles of bubbles so you can hand something to them when they leave.

spanishwife · 12/10/2018 11:29

What River said!

pretendingtowork1 · 12/10/2018 11:30

definitely tell CF mum that 3 year old isn't welcome

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 12/10/2018 11:31

Just play it nice with a.poundshop gift bag and a couple of plastic side plates from home (( I have stacks of these )) This really isnt worth years of glares over the playground and youre kids being excluded.

It's cheeky as hell but in the grand scheme of things isnt massive. Sometimes it's nice to be nice.

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/10/2018 11:31

That's SO annoying. I've had siblings coming to my DS's parties but it's different because I said to the parents beforehand it was OK to bring them. This isn't the same, and I'd worry about looking like a git by texting other 3 yo's mum to say "I didn't invite your other child, can't accommodate them sorry".

Angry Ooooo the cheek of it GRRR

Witchend · 12/10/2018 11:32

I think I'd go for a blunt response.
"I wasn't expecting parents to stay, so I wasn't planning on any siblings. If you feel your child needs you to stay then that's fine, but please be aware that I haven't got party bags or food for siblings."
And then make sure party bags are named, and put somewhere where parents can't help themselves.
We often did food boxes at parties as we found the children ate better, which would have also meant we had no food for any siblings.

Ginger1982 · 12/10/2018 11:33

You need to speak to the other mum. You need to nip it in the bud now. How many 8 year olds are you having?

Deadringer · 12/10/2018 11:34

You really need to be direct here the other 3 year old is Not coming, no excuses, no apologies. Texts are great because you can be very clear. DD wants a big girls party with just her own friends. That's it.

overagain · 12/10/2018 11:37

If they don't have child care for the 3yo then that's that really, but they shouldn't be expecting them to join in with the party!

I'd message and say that whilst they can come you have catered for them and would they prefer to drop and run?

Deadringer · 12/10/2018 11:38

But babyshark it's not fair on the birthday girl, it's her party and it's likely to be overrun with little ones. What 8 year old wants 3 year olds charging about. I would say no and stick to it.

ApolloandDaphne · 12/10/2018 11:38

You need to nip this in the bud right now. Text back and say you were not planning to have children than the invited guests at the party so she and other mum might want to organise taking their younger children elsewhere while the party is taking place.

Ski4130 · 12/10/2018 11:38

Be utterly direct so there’s no room for misunderstandings! I’d say ‘I’m really sorry, but there are no younger siblings coming as dd wants a ‘big kids’ party and is looking forwwstd to that. CFmum hadn’t let me know she was planning on bringing 3 yr old, or I would have said the same. If there’s an issue with childcare please feel free to drop 8 yr old and go, there are no expectations for patents to stay’

Returnofthesmileybar · 12/10/2018 11:39

Reply "ok I'll have to get on to Mary then as she hadn't asked if he could come, had she asked I'd have said as the party is for 8 year olds people are welcome to drop and run but I doubt any 8 year old will want 3 year olds there, I'll text her now, lucky you asked as dd wouldn't be happy and I hadn't catered for uninvited extras"

FrancisCrawford · 12/10/2018 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yokohamajojo · 12/10/2018 11:41

I wouldn't send any more text but I would definitely not cater for any extra guests or buy anymore party bags.

BackforGood · 12/10/2018 11:42

That's why you needed to have used one of the suggested replies, and clearly statedhat the invitation was just for the named people and you weren't able to cater for everybody's siblings. You've just confused the issue now.

Whereismumhiding2 · 12/10/2018 11:43

just say I'm very sorry but DD's party is for her friends only. To both parents. You really don't want to end up having this kind of nonsense more than once, stop it now.
^^this

I am quite straightforward with people now. My horror story is I once booked a hall & entertainment for 20 for my middle DD. My eldest invited one sibling from same family for company, included in that 20. I ended up with 12 (12!!) extra uninvited siblings staying too from about 7 mother's , a party of 32 that was NOT fun as little ones were running all over the place , it made chaos for the entertainer, I had to take 3 toddlers back to their parents who "stayed to watch with their younger DC " & had tantrumed at not winning a prize... and I could no way cater for all those extra siblings demanding where their plate was?... and lining up to collect "their" party bag !!!!
None were single parents, other parents at home!

I vowed never again would I let that happen. It wasn't fair on my DD and it was stressful and tbh those parents were either reminded quietly beforehand no space for siblings or not invited again.

MunkeeBum · 12/10/2018 11:43

I'd just msg other CF mum and say CF mum1 has mentioned you are bringing your 3 yr old to DDs party and as we had never discussed this then I cannot accommodate your 3yo as this now means that other parents want to bring their other children too.

Then send out a mass text saying younger siblings are not invited and parents can drop and go if they need to.

PuppyMonkey · 12/10/2018 11:45

Fuck that, just text back: "Lol, I can assure you other 3 yo is not invited and mum has not discussed this with me. I've organised specific activities for the 8 yos, so I'm sorry we won't be able to accommodate the younger ones. See you tomorrow."

YoThePussy · 12/10/2018 11:45

Agree, no apologies, you are not sorry the toddler can not attend your DD’s party - why would you be? As others have said be very definate about it, your DD wants a big girls party.

Like the idea of party bags with names on and guarded until handed out. Table laid with exact number of places possibly even with name cards if you want to really make a point. Children will love this incidently as very grown up.

I am a younger sister who used to be allowed to tag along to parties my sister was invited to. It always ended in tears (mine), I am sure the parents were not amused.

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