AIBU re siblings etiquette at birthday parties

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

So am not sure if AIBU or the other mums. It's my DDs 8th birthday party tomorrow and one mother has texted me to ask if it's ok to bring her 3 year old - she can play with another 3 year old who is coming. Well no one has checked with me re the other 3 year old coming. It appears it's been assumed they can . I am having the party in a hall, but have exactly the right number of party plates and cups, and party bags full of plastic crap.

So my AIBU is that I am pissed off and feel like saying no to the CFs, or should I just chill out. Both parents on the scene so no childcare issue with either family I am aware of. I would never dream of assuming another DC could come to a birthday party. Am I missing something?

EK36 But its not the extra party plates and party bags. Three years olds are not 8 year olds. They do need supervising. They will want to join in and will want prizes. One if not both of them will be in tears - because they are THREE and not EIGHT.

I'd agree with the suggestion of an email to all invitees confirming details, with a clear statement of "sorry, no siblings, welcome to drop and leave "

Anyone else wondering if a few people on this thread are now thinking embarrassingly back to all the times they took a sibling to a party thinking it was normal and are now finding out that actually, maybe it wasn't after all?

I’ve got five children and have never expected to bring any bar the invitee. Whenever I’ve needed to stay, I’ve left the others with dh and only ever had a baby with me.
Equally, I’ve not been unlucky enough to have extras left at our parties.

@EK36
Couple of extra sandwiches and party bags. Not going to break the bank is it?
Got lots of spare money have you? Every party we’ve hosted has been planned on a budget. I can’t just shell out an extra £20 or whatever in case rude people bring uninvited children.

@EK36
Well it does matter, OP has said it does matter, and she didn't invite them, and her DD doesn't want 3 year olds she hasn't invited at her party!

Plenty of PP have explained how it changes the dynamics.
It shouldn't be difficult to understand that an 8 year old might just want the friends she invited at her party.

What others do at their DC's parties is up to them and somewhat irrelevant.

I'd be contacting both parents to ask them to make other arrangements for the siblings as it would change the dynamics of the planned party if they were there and you had conscientiously not invited younger children. Don't rush out and buy extra party bags or food. There is no need for you to feel obliged to cater for uninvited guests. I've had to take my other child once or twice but always a) apologised and b) brought food / snacks & things to do. Sometimes it made no difference them joining in and hosts didn't mind. Any sign it and they were back with me. I wouldn't gatecrash a grown up party so why should it be alright to gatecrash a children's and throw a tantrum if you don't get a toy etc. The two parents have the solution staring at them. One stays at the party if they must, one does something with the 3 year olds.

ADastardlything Haha. I was thinking the same thing. And they are also they same people who never have class parties.

Definitely don't buy more stuff.
I always label party bags with each child's name (no idea why) but then it's clearer and easier to see there is just one per invited child.

It's horrendous weather tomorrow, they are at the party anyway, where they assumed little ones could run around and OH's can then get on with other stuff. I can see their thinking. However it's not what you want. So text 'you are welcome to drop 8yo's off and come back for them later, but I haven't catered for siblings with food or activities, so really glad you asked as I have said no to other requests'.

@NVQM
The two parents have the solution staring at them. One stays at the party if they must, one does something with the 3 year olds
^^ This Super solution!
(Not that OP is in any way responsible for finding a solution for the other parents!)

Does it reallt matter than two children tag along.

Actually it can. Other than the fact once one is staying (as we've seen here) others can assume they're welcome too, so it could easily be more than just 2.

Younger children can get upset when they don't win, and the older party invitees are aware they're there so are going easy on them. Or they're not aware and can knock them over playing an exuberant age appropriate game.

Older children can dominate, win all the games and get over competitive/enthusiastic and knock over the party goers.

The children themselves are usually not aware that they aren't invited, so don't see why they shouldn't be treated the same as the invitees.

I've seen both happening over the years.

Witchend - and not to mention the obvious problem, telling birthday kid numbers/budget is limited so they have to be selective, and then a gang of 3 year old Johnny Nobody's turn up. Normally I don't have time for ungrateful kids but that is one situation where I'd be totally with the birthday kid if they were a bit upset.

I'd agree with the suggestion of an email to all invitees confirming details, with a clear statement of "sorry, no siblings, welcome to drop and leave
I'd probably say "There seems to be some confusion, this party is not suitable for younger siblings and they can't be accomodated. You are welcome to drop and leave invitee."

According to some people on this thread, next time teen DSD1 is invited to a party I'd be fine to send her 10 and 4 year old sisters and the party hosts should suck it up because it's just a couple of extra sandwiches. Good to know!

OP, it would be worth doing something about this, it's not fair on your DD or you.

This has upcoming even cheekier fuckier thread written all over it and frankly op I'm not appreciating you having a life and not keeping us posted

If parents aren't staying I'd definitely say no to both three-year-olds. It's a party for your DD's friends isn't it? People do love to try it on with free childcare so I'd put your foot down now OP to avoid any piss-taking in the future .

And what if it was one of those build a Bear type things where it's £30+ a kid. Totally ok to turn up with a sibling or two year old and expect host to cough up for an extra "party bag" (bear)?

*sibling or two.

God am so sorry Return, just back from a meeting. Am gobsmacked at some of the replies here. I'm rude for not inviting them in the first place makes me howl, thanks for that!

I've texted original mum "I've planned the party for 8 year old DD and her friends, and siblings aren't invited. You are of course welcome to drop and go if childcare is an issue"

And CF mum (who didn't even ask) I texted "I heard you were thinking of bringing DD3 to DD8s party tomorrow. Sorry if there has been any confustion but siblings aren't invited. It's just for DDs friends. I'm happy for you to drop and go if childcare is an issue"

We shall see!

Stand your ground OP and say no.

Well done!

Well done op!

Well done OP!

and just to say thanks to all who've posted. I was worried I was feeling unreasonably cross over this and in danger of coming accross as a dick! Glad to realise that, bar a few total loons on here, you don't think I am!

Well done OP....can't wait to see what they come back with.