AIBU re siblings etiquette at birthday parties

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

So am not sure if AIBU or the other mums. It's my DDs 8th birthday party tomorrow and one mother has texted me to ask if it's ok to bring her 3 year old - she can play with another 3 year old who is coming. Well no one has checked with me re the other 3 year old coming. It appears it's been assumed they can . I am having the party in a hall, but have exactly the right number of party plates and cups, and party bags full of plastic crap.

So my AIBU is that I am pissed off and feel like saying no to the CFs, or should I just chill out. Both parents on the scene so no childcare issue with either family I am aware of. I would never dream of assuming another DC could come to a birthday party. Am I missing something?

Siblings at hall parties are the norm here too tbh.

Ha ha!!!

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I loved that thread

Op I'm glad you stood your ground with the party bags etc and that your daughter had a good party anyway even if it was stressful for you

At least their parents stayed and didn't dump them with you and go shopping/pub - although it sounds like they didn't help much with their tantrums. Well done for sticking to your guns.
It's a very interesting thread and I don't know whther the no way/perfectly normal camps are divided by geography or whatever. The point of the manners thing, though, is to do what makes your host happy if you're a guest and what makes your guest happy if you're a host and ideally then everyone is happy...

When I was a kid in the 90s me and my DSis went to loads of village hall parties and no one ever brought siblings or stayed with their kids (to be fair these sorts of parties only started at primary school age). I'm guessing it's a helicopter parent thing.

Op I think you handled it well even if the parents weren't much helping.

I'm still baffled as to why a parent would take a child to a party they aren't invited to?

It's really not normal to turn up to a party without an invite, whatever age! It's rude. As soon as I realised there were that many extra children in that situation I would have told the parents that due to numbers they would have to keep the siblings by them at the side.

I had a similar situation at a soft play party, despite giving the venue a list of the children invited. Parents had to sign in at the door with the name of their child, as we didn't have exclusive use this was to ensure that extra children weren't joining in the party for free.

What actually happened was that parents signed their child in and their sibling, the assistant totted up the number of extra children and then charged me per head for them, at normal admission rates rather than party rates, they also provided extra food and charged me per extra head for that too! There were 15 siblings and 30 original party children who I had already paid for. I had not agreed to this and I refused to pay, the bill was over £150.

I told the venue that I was not paying under any circumstances, I'd given them a list of names, they were given names when the parents signed in and they should have charged for children not on the
Iist. If they weren't not prepared to take the hit then they should have stated 'no siblings' on their invitations which they produced.

I got in touch with all of the parents on the class Facebook page, I explained that the venue had charged me for all siblings and food. I asked them if they'd please contact venue and pay for their child's admission and food who was not on the invitation and, as much as I didn't want to leave anyone out, siblings had not been factored in to the cost.

Most parents were fine, they apologised and then phoned the venue to pay. I then contacted the venue the week after and paid the remaining balance which was about £30. There wasn't any awkwardness afterwards and I noticed on most party invites afterwards it stated 'no siblings'.

As anticipated, siblings really took away from the party. People shouldn't be so cheeky and I'd definitely have spoken to the parents at the time.

Some parents are so thoughtless/entitled. I held a party at home for my son's 5th birthday. We have a small house. One woman turned up with her daughter and another child we had never met before and who didn't even attend the same school. The child was dressed in a party dress. The mother, whom I barely knew, said was it okay if she dropped them off and would be back later.

Apparently this child had unexpectedly been dropped off by a friend and so there was no other option but to bring her to the party . I told her it was not okay to leave her unattended since this child did not know me at all and we had no idea she was coming! No text, nothing!

I had prepared plates of food and had a set number of party bags. I was too soft as felt I couldn't turn the poor kid away so hastily made up a bag and extra sandwiches. Unbelievable.

I would never take a sibling to a party without asking first and then only if no other options.

Everyone round to Balaboosteh's next weekend then, eh? She's obligated to feed everyone who shows up, regardless of whether they clean her out of food.

OK then.

@LotsToThinkOf bringing siblings and not paying for them is rude. in our group the etiquette is that siblings can be brought, but parents pay, and siblings are not part of the party - they just play in the same place, with other children. So, i take my 6 year old and my 2 year old. 6 year old is invited, so part of party. i pay for 2 year old, his food - at cafe, not party area - and entertain him. Party parents see him when i collect the oldest, youngest does definitely not participate in the party as he is not a guest. he does not get a party bag. otherwise we couldn’t come to most parties.

I think that desert idea is lovely sadly most of us are very dull and don't live in the desert but densely populated cities/suburbs/villages so even the most gracious and hospitable host may be slightly tight lipped if every child in said village/suburb rocked up. Also do they have named party bags in the desert? I suspect not.

In the desert you can't remember your name

@SnuggyBuggy - why didn't you just give your horse a name???

We should definitely all get pudding - our just deserts!

I just cant believe so many parents would want to stay at an 8 year olds party and not just drop and go... totally not the norm around here at that age. I try to get away as quickly as possible!

@WhatchaMaCallitt because it felt good to be out of the rain