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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

324 replies

sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 09:11

I’ve made so many bad decisions and they’ve led me to where I am now. I regret it.

OP posts:
cornishmum41 · 12/10/2018 10:11

I guess maybe you aren't seeking advice but someone to listen and be there alongside you. x

LethalWhite · 12/10/2018 10:16

Just had a thought...

Are you the finance director of Patisserie Valerie?
Grin

Missingstreetlife · 12/10/2018 10:16

You do sound a bit depressed. We all make bad decisions, even v successful people. Some are good at work but have crap relationships or vice versa. Some seem luckier than others. The thing is to learn what works for us and why we keep falling in the same hole.
Therapy can help, as can the realisation you can't alter the past but can influence your future.
Let yourself be sad for what might have been, but also try to make things better today. Look outside yourself, go for a walk if you can, talk to someone you don't know, look at small ways of improving things now. Everything passes, a bad patch is an opportunity for change. Good fortune

beachysandy81 · 12/10/2018 10:16

Sometimes I think the best thing to do is accept that you are where you are and make the best of it. No point going over bad decisions that you can't change. Make your life better by doing small positive things (get a pet, start a hobby, go on nice walks, get fit, volunteer, join groups to make new friends, decorate a room in your house yourself, apply for another job if you are unhappy in yours etc etc). Not everyone has a great career, partner, house, good health, perfect kids, great friend etc (and rarely all at the same time) but it is possible to be happy if you appreciate the good aspects in your life.

ravenmum · 12/10/2018 10:16

Yes, YABU to assume that if you had not made those choices you would now have a great life.

JingsMahBucket · 12/10/2018 10:17

Sometimes people don't immediately need or want a solution, they just want to be heard and listened to for a bit. I think this is what @sandiebeech is doing, and that's okay.

OP, I'm in a similar spot but I know it can improve. I look at my peers, former classmates and best friends and see they're are much further along in their careers or at higher levels than I am based on my decisions, my personality, and my upbringing/family background. I'm still at a pretty good level but there's further to go or a different direction I'd like to go anyway. Yay for inexpensive therapy! :)

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2018 10:19

Well no one gets to rewind 30 years and try again. And yes some choices do permanently close off options down the line. But you can still change things.

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2018 10:19

And yes, change isnt necessarily easy, why would it be.

wowfudge · 12/10/2018 10:23

You don't have to stay where you are as I think you put it. No one does - you make choices. You should only regret things you haven't done rather than things you've tried which haven't worked out.

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/10/2018 10:24

Have a look at Robert Downey junior. That guy had fucked up his life spectacularly. And he came back from it. So can you

Emma765 · 12/10/2018 10:33

Maybe OP just wants to talk and doesn't want specific advice on her problems.

Have you thought about Samaritans, OP? They're not just for suicidal people, they're there for everyone to listen in an impartial way, not try to advise, just listen to you. I'm sure they'd be glad to hear from you.

Original poster
sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 10:34

I dunno why I posted either Grin

Do you have to know?

OP posts:
Dashel · 12/10/2018 10:35

If you are lonely and missing conversations, have you thought about joining a befriending service?

There are a lot of people in similar situations even if they are a bit older than yourself. You could make a positive difference to someone else as well as getting some companionship for yourself.

It’s never too late to make positive changes

ifonly4 · 12/10/2018 10:39

Op, the things we've got from you is that you're lonely and that an accumulation of things over the years have got you to where you are now (which you're certainly not happy with). You can't just change life, but now you've acknowledged this it's time to work at improving/changing things. Obviously you can't just change everything, I know, but things that can help no matter how small.

Not for everyone, but speaking to your doctor or some counselling can go a long way (my DH does this, and he says it's brilliant how many people have got themselves to a different more settled place).

You mention you're lonely, do you have the money to try different clubs - it might be hard to start with so try a few times. It's important to get yourself out every day if you can, whether to the shops, go for a coffee, plan local walks and even a day trip to your nearest town.

You'll get a mix of replies to anything on here but an awful lot of people are on here to support, just chat to, whether about your post or things in general like tv, book, something funny they've seen etc.

Fairenuff · 12/10/2018 10:41

Try volunteering. Just a few hours a week can give your life purpose, you feel like you're helping others, it gets you out of the house, you meet new people, it looks good on a cv and can lead to all sorts of opportunities.

Original poster
sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 10:43

No. Thanks though. I’ve already tried it. It’s not for me. It’s not exactly about being lonely. I am used to that.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/10/2018 10:45

You might have tried one place or two but there are loads. That's like going to one or two jobs and then giving up on working saying, nah I've tried it it's not for me.

Fairenuff · 12/10/2018 10:46

Do you have a job?

Original poster
sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 10:48

Yes, I have a job. I’m not interesting in volunteering though.

OP posts:
Racontuer · 12/10/2018 10:52

Can I suggest that you use this moment of realisation of 'bad decisions' as an opportunity. There is no such thing as bad decisions, they all teach us something even though we maybe don't realise at the time. You have realised that maybe there has been poor choices, that's first step in changing it and having a more positive future. Don't ruin today and tomorrow worrying about yesterday, last week, last month or last year. Be strategic. Think about where you are, where you want to be and how you can possibly get there. Be realistic. Set little milestones rather than one big one. Think of it as a ship on the wrong course. When it starts to turn the change isn't apparent, but slowly it gets there and once it is heading in the right direction it picks up considerable speed.
Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself then work out where you want to be. Good luck.

oohyoudevilyou · 12/10/2018 10:52

What area is causing you most regret, OP? Your living conditions?Financial situation? Lack of relationship or kids? Health? Give us a clue, then we might be able to help rather than give the usual "volunteer...join a club..go for a walk.." responses.

HopefullyAnonymous · 12/10/2018 10:52

How old are you OP?

Mamamanatee · 12/10/2018 10:53

How old?

Do you have kids?

Do you have a nice place to live?

Original poster
sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 10:54

No kids. Huge source of regret.

OP posts:
LotsToThinkOf · 12/10/2018 10:57

What was the first decision you made that you think was bad? What started it all?

Sorry you're feeling crappy OP, I understand the need to talk but not actually wanting to say anything.

Sometimes solutions seem too overwhelming.

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