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To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

324 replies

sandiebeech · 12/10/2018 09:11

I’ve made so many bad decisions and they’ve led me to where I am now. I regret it.

OP posts:

Ennirem · 12/10/2018 20:58

If we knew the full story, we'd know why the solutions we are proposing wouldnt work for you and therefore wouldn't make them in the first place. If people don't know your exact situation, they don't know what to suggest that's suitable for it, so if you say "I'm lonely" (top level problem) they will suggest things that might work for a lot of lonely people (volunteer, join a group, get a dog). If you say you regret not having children, of course the first question is "is it feasible for you to have some in your life?". You're setting people up to fail by being so evasive. You know without knowing the details people are going to fall into your trap, suggest something unhelpful for you, and then you'll sneer at them. I can't imagine why you want to repeat that process throughout this thread, never mind multiple ones.

And fgs go to the GP and ask them to assess you for depression. If you came on here presenting with all the symptoms of cancer, and a bunch of posters who have had cancer were saying "that sounds exactly like cancer, get yourself checked", would you rely on your own intuition to just say "I don't have cancer"? One of the defining features of depression is it messes with your judgement and your sense of perspective. If you were, you wouldn't necessarily know.


Richersounds · 12/10/2018 23:13

FrustratedBeyond, that sounds so tough :-(


Richersounds · 12/10/2018 23:19

Can we help you with anything OP?

In the absence of any tangible help, maybe you could take a moment and enjoy looking at this picture of my dog practicing for her role as Mary in this year’s nativity.

To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

FrustratedBeyond · 12/10/2018 23:53

Richersounds one life, gotta live it! Think I'm a better person because of it all


CathyTre · 13/10/2018 00:48

Nothing matters much, and most things don’t matter at all.

I think we’d all do well to remember that.


itchybumhole · 13/10/2018 01:01

Thanks for you OP.

I've always felt like this to one extent or another. I had so much promise, but through a series of bad choices I threw it all away too.

My advice would be to stop sweating it. Once I realised that I am what I am and I cannot conform, I let go and found happiness at last.
I'm getting on a bit now. But I have a really successful career, have a lovely new boyfriend and 3 beautiful children. Life's good now. Whereas it looked so bleak 10 years ago.
Change your mindset. It's the only way.


CandleWithHair · 13/10/2018 17:29

Why are you burying yourself under the weight of all these expectations, a lot of which probably aren’t even yours to begin with?
What even IS a ‘good’ life anyway? stop the pointless navel gazing. You say this isn’t a pity party but really, it definitely is. Woman up and get on with your life.


frumpety · 13/10/2018 19:32

I actually have a lot of respect for your determined stance that absolutely everything in your life that is wrong is entirely your fault Smile
The only problem with that stance of course is that absolutely everything in your life that is wrong is only fixable by you. So given that you are a sentient non depressed adult with enough intelligence to hold down a job, what solutions of the non pet, volunteering, joining a club, getting up duffed by a turkey baster, do you have ?


Yourcupwillneverempty · 13/10/2018 20:51

What makes you so sure you aren't depressed? What is depression to you? If you were to become depressed what would be different?


Flowerpot2005 · 13/10/2018 20:57

There isn't a person walking the earth who doesn't have regrets. Some have few & some of us have many. The point is you realise you have made them, what better starting point. It doesn't matter what they are, realisation is where you start again from. Pat yourself in the back, I really mean that, day at a time & make little, achievable, changes regularly. Rome wasn't built in a day x


FuckCancer · 13/10/2018 21:07

How long do you think you're fucked up life will be ?
I only ask, because I Know I have 50.2% chance of living ( and that's not DFS)

Absolutely nothing is too late and there is no such thing as a fucked up life beyond repair


IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 21:18

Your life doesn’t sound too bad tbh.


Barbie222 · 13/10/2018 21:38

Richersounds, that's a fab pic, gorgeous dog!


AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 13/10/2018 21:56

Richersounds all is right in my world now!

Actually, my dog makes me smile every day. Good therapy there. And all for the cost of some kibble! Here she is posing in her Emirates flight attendant gear 😊

To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 13/10/2018 21:57

OP, I can’t read 13 pages to find out.....have you got a pet?


Grammar · 15/10/2018 11:28

I think I understand just a bit. Would never presume to say I know how you are feeling.
I have given up a good job where I was respected and valued, for a break but find myself, and have done for the last 3.5
years finding I can't even get out of bed.
I feel hopeless and despairing yet I have a large lovely house, 3 children ( 2 at uni and a 16 year old who doesn't talk to me), a lovely husband and friends.
But when one is so low, it seems almost impossible to even shower let alone get dressed, let alone do something productive like put an evening meal on the table. As for a pet, well I have a dog. I love him but he cannot lift me out of despondency and can be a tie.
I am a Samaritan so I volunteer, but you need to be robust to cope with that and it does not make me happy.
I would not want to inflict myself on my friends
Exercise, walking, simply reinforces my lack of energy.
But all the support and many wise insightful comments on this thread are kindnesses from strangers.
If I may say, you do sound depressed. Could you see your GP and get either or both antidepressants and a referral to Steps To Wellbeing where you will, at least have someone to assess your mood and offer some counselling in whatever form.
Sometimes repeating a mantra can help.
'These are just feelings, they are not necessarily true.'
I totally get the negative cycle and complete lack of motivation
Can you get a piece of paper and write just one thing you like about yourself, have achieved, over the years or just today, are mildly proud of? JUST ONE THING.
That's a baby step but nonetheless a step.
I wish you well OP.
It's a ghastly situation to get caught up in, whether you feel you are depressed or not.


YogaBugsEmma · 15/10/2018 11:39

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RangeRider · 15/10/2018 11:42

AuntyJackies Could we have a thread dedicated to these pictures - one a day to cheer us all up? Grin


horizonglimmer · 15/10/2018 12:19

I have been thinking about this and I think I maybe get where you are coming from. Sometimes one doen't want people to fix things, or offer advice, sometime one just wants to be heard and understood.

It's okay just to want to talk and be heard.


MistressoftheYoniverse · 15/10/2018 21:27

We have all made bad decisions....END


sassysadness · 15/10/2018 21:30

Sending you good thoughts.


AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 16/10/2018 21:18

😊 here’s one!

To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

MirriVan · 17/10/2018 03:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirriVan · 17/10/2018 03:34

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