AIBU?
bobbinogs · 12/10/2018 18:44
So change things then and feel grand. Or change your perception and feel grand now. You can not rely on external situations to make you feel happy.
My life is a bit shit, family problems, health problems and pain, massive debt, unfulfilled career plans, getting older, running out of time, but honestly day to day I get a lot of pleasure out of all sorts of little things and am proud of how I’ve managed stuff whilst also recognising that I’ve messed up big time occasionally. I’m not depressed.
There will be other people out there with health, lovely families, nice houses, plenty of cash, holidays, love in their lives who feel hopeless like you do. They are depressed. So are you. It’s not about the externals. If you’re not in danger or hungry or in terrible pain then it’s about how you feel inside. That’s what you need to focus on. Do that and you’ll be able to sort the external issues later.
leafgrass · 12/10/2018 18:49
Obviously, the latter.
Right, ok. It wasn't obvious to me otherwise I wouldn't have asked.
Anyway regarding believing you can turn things around involves keeping on testing the water (doing something) and waiting for results. They might not come straight away or be exactly as you expected but you won't get any different results if you don't do this. If anything, it will break up the monotony.
leafgrass · 12/10/2018 18:54
But the thought of existing like this for another forty years isn’t.
Thing is this won't happen. When you get older your life will have to change because not many employers would be able to keep you in your job, as it is, for that length of time, anyway. The world changes everyday and at some point those changes will affect you.
bobbinogs · 12/10/2018 18:58
When you’re ready get help for your depression. There is no need to suffer another 40 years. Lots of people with lots of life experience have all encouraged you to recognise that there is a problem with your mental health. Lots of us will have felt the way you do and lots of us will have survived life situations and bad choices more extreme and difficult than what you are experiencing. That’s not to discredit what you are experiencing but to help you realise you are not alone and you are not that unusual. There will come a time when you’re ready to get help. Make it sooner rather than later.
GrumpyOldMare · 12/10/2018 19:04
If you believe you can't change your life then you'll stay like this for the rest of it.
5 years ago I was married to a violent alcoholic,in debt and out of work. Fell into a very dark hole and sounded very much like you.
I kicked the husband out,took charge,got a job and am very recently out of debt. It's taken me this long to get to the end of the very long dark tunnel.
I would've struggled even more without accepting the help that was offered,but it was down to ME to claw my way back out of it,as it's up to YOU to do the same.
I'm happy now and you can be too - but you need to believe you deserve it and that you CAN do it,you DO deserve to be happy and YOU are responsible for yourself,no one can do it for you.
BlueKarou · 12/10/2018 19:30
OP, what do you enjoy doing? Do you read? Watch telly? Are you crafty, or foodie, or musical, or into outdoorsy things?
Maybe it'd help to focus this particular conversation on something a little less challenging. A lot of the PPs are trying to give help and that doesn't seem to be actually helpful, so let's just talk about life.
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/10/2018 19:33
To talk is good OP. It feels like you are being so withholding though, it feels...controlling, manipulative.
I’m not saying you are those things but you come across like that.
Our secrets make us sick. Sometimes just being really open is the key to moving forwards. I appreciate it’s not easy 
This thread almost feels as codified as a game, because of your refusal to be honest.
I wish you well and would love to hear your story if you wish to tell it.
bobbinogs · 12/10/2018 19:39
Atrocious is absolutely spot on. It is easier to deny and withdraw and distract than it is to be honest and open. It is really really hard and painful to be honest and open and open to other people.
But that is the way forward. I too would be really interested to hear your story. If you want to talk we can listen.
roundaboutthetown · 12/10/2018 19:41
Tbh, sandiebeech, you come across as being quite happy to say you have arsed your life up beyond repair because it allows you never to get off your arse and do anything with your life. It's a great way of abdicating all responsibility, telling yourself it's just too late to take any responsibility anyway. It's totally untrue, though - it's just a convenient state of mind for someone who prefers drifting along on a day to day basis without putting in much effort, rather than taking even the slightest risk of making things worse (or better).
FrustratedBeyond · 12/10/2018 20:02
I won't go into a long descript of my life... Fairly abandoned as a child, wasted teenage / early twenties to mild drug use, pissing about and generally being a cunt. Ended up on life support from an undiagnosed genetic disease, survived, became pregnant with DS1, horrendous depression, suicide attempts, medication for life, DS2 born, DH became abusive... Managed to pick myself up (omg hard hard hard work) after losing my entire youth, started enjoying life for once in my life. Oldest DS then diagnosed with autism, diagnosed with fibromyalgia then got a super rare bone cancer this year... Maybe life isn't for me lol
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/10/2018 20:02
It’s a shame OP because there are people who would hear you. Some would of course offer up inappropriate or annoying advice but so many would at least connect with you.
It doesn’t have to be solution focused. You can just tell your story, if you should wish to. People are here.
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