To think I’ve really arsed my life up beyond repair?

[sandiebeech]

I’ve made so many bad decisions and they’ve led me to where I am now. I regret it.

[Pompom42]

I think everyone thinks this at some point in their lives. I've thought at times mine was beyond repair but miraculously it sorted itself out.

[ShotsFired]

Like what, OP?

Usually nothing is so bad it can't be turned round, even if it is an oil tanker of a turn.

[sandiebeech]

Well, that’s the thing. It hasn’t been one bad decision, it’s been two decades of them.

[QuaterMiss]

Two decades?

Only two?

[Mamamanatee]

You can turn it around.

[Singlenotsingle]

It's never too late, but youve got to have the motivation to do something about it. It's no good just saying "woe is me", weeping and wailing, and hoping it will sort itself out.

[YetAnotherUser]

What sort of bad decisions are we talking about?

I've noticed every time I've been in a massive hole with no obvious route out, that after 5 years I'm miles away from where I was when things were so awful.

Give it time and some work, you'll probably be OK.

[sandiebeech]

I don’t know if I do have any motivation as what’s the point, my life’s ruined. I’m not saying I’m not responsible but still.

[Mamamanatee]

Noone else can sort it for you.

[Mamamanatee]

How is it ruined?

[Birdsgottafly]

How old are you?

There are some things you can't change after 50, but there are lots you can.

Before that, you can turn things completely around.

[LanceStatersGold]

It’s never beyond repair.

This is generic as obviously you’ve not shared what your regrets are but...

Try not to see all the decisions as one big thing. Separate them into their separate issues and then think about the SMALL steps you can take to rectify them IF NECESSARY - one small thing at a time. You can’t turn it all around overnight but you can start to.

If you’re really low, ask for help. Go to your GP as starting with putting yourself into a healthier frame of mind will always help. It may be medication, counselling, a link nurse etc.

We can’t change the past but we can control what happens now - the future is an unknown and always will be. So look at it this way, what’s done is done but you already recognise that and that means you can now focus on not making what you perceive as bad decisions from this moment.

[pandarific]

This is very like vague-booking op... what specifically is wrong and perhaps people can help?

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

Are there ANY positives you can name? If so, name them and build on them.
The fact you're still alive and have the wherewithal to post on an internet forum is one of them

[sandiebeech]

If you think it’s vague booking, it might be better you didn’t bother posting so it doesn’t annoy you.

I’m not trying to sound like an arsehole intentionally I just don’t want to have to keep justifying myself.

No point doing into details. People will just insist that there are simple solutions and there aren’t and then will get arsey with me for ignoring helpful advice.

[ErickBroch]

You should talk to someone. Samaritans are brilliant they will just hear you out with no judgement and can help, your posts are worrying as I have been in your position and know how my mental state was at that time.

www.samaritans.org/
116 123 (free number)

[sandiebeech]

Thanks but it’s not that bad. I’m not going to do anything stupid. But I’ve been thinking a lot about my life recently and I’ve realised I ruined it due to bad choices.

[MarklahMarklah]

At the risk of irritating you, OP, why do you think there are no simple solutions. I understand you feel frustrated by things and that you don't want to share all the details, but there's not much to go on here for anyone to be able to make any meaningful suggestions.

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

It's never too late sandie. Don't write off the rest of your life!

[MsLexic]

I feel the same... but take heart. Change one small thing at a time. Even if you need a bit of counselling, exercise, fun. Whatever you need to do to improve life.
I have had two ( yes TWO!) abusive partners and the third one died because he smoked too much and had a coronary.
So obviously fab in the love department.
I also am about to lose my home and job. ( had to stay in place due to shitty husband, health collapsed)
So I try to stay happy with a companion and do things I like doing.And think a bit more strategically.

[Annajohnsdottir]

I'm not one for bullshit inspirational quotes so I will instead link you to a song that I listen to when I need a bit of motivation. Whenever I've f*cked up or I'm slowly losing the will I listen to this and figure out what I need to do next.

by Nickelback. I know! Nickelback! But give it a chance because the lyrics are good and it's uplifting.

"That first step you take is the longest stride"

[AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight]

OP, in the gentlest possible way, nobody can help or advise you, or even answer your AIBU, without any detail. 'Bad decisions' could mean multiple serious criminal acts, or it could mean 'took a job that didn't really work out and only have 3 months' salary saved instead of the obligatory MN 6' (stretching the point a bit, obviously, but you get it).

[ComtesseDeSpair]

Well - you’re still here, still functioning, still able to reach out; so you must have made some good choices along the way.

Lance’s post is good advice. You need to separate things out and think about what you can do to slowly change what you aren’t happy with.

[Fatasfook]

Have you murdered someone OP? If the answer is no then you can fix this

[roundaboutthetown]

sandiebeech - if it's not that bad, then you have not, by definition, ruined your life. You could have done better, obviously. So - what has gone wrong? Have you got an incurable infection? No qualifications? In hiding from the police? In hiding from a violent partner? Addicted to something? Too old to be an Olympic gymnast? Give us a clue!