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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding at table

863 replies

JillianHoltzmann · 11/10/2018 20:51

Hi guys, genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.
I have a two and a half week old baby, ebf, for background.

My mum has invited my sister and I out for a meal, and my sister will be bringing her boyfriend. My mum made a "cutesy" voice and said "and you can come too, and have a Sunday dinner in the toilet!" to the baby, which I didn't understand at first, so I said why would she be in the toilet? Mum replied "well you're not going to do it at the table, are you?" And I mentioned that she'd done that.

Then my sister piped up and said my mum had covered up and i don't do that (i dont like to cover up) and that it was a bit awkward- everyone would have to move to another table.

For background my sister is pregnant but doesn't plan to breastfeed because she feels weird about it, and she has said before to me that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see my boobs.

Aibu to want to be able to feed her at the table without offending my own family- without going to the toilet (!) and without having to cover her? Which is in itself bloody awkward because I can't move at all without the cover slipping down onto her face me upsetting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Flyaway78 · 14/10/2018 00:23

OMG seriously?

The baby should be fed at the table like everyone else.

Honestly I would refuse to go if I were you. I think they are so unreasonable. Horrible to suggest you should feed baby in the loos btw.

Flyaway78 · 14/10/2018 00:29

The views of so many women on this thread is why I end up staying home so much with my baby and why I have ended up feeding my baby in the toilets several times. I've ended up feeling v isolated which has contributed to my PND.
My baby won't tolerate a cover, and I've never been in restaurants with this mysterious side table where I can sit on my own and be seen by nobody.

See - this is what we want to avoid at all costs !

smotheroffive · 14/10/2018 00:33

Please, BF ladies. Ignore all this shite for the shite that it truly is
Believe there is nothing more natural and beautiful than BF mumma and babe

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:17

@MyDressHasPockets Your son is likely to remember what your breasts look like when he's an adult man. Does that not make you at all uncomfortable? Genuine question?

Rebecca36 · 14/10/2018 01:22

Doesn't make me uncomfortable. I'm sure he doesn't dwell on them (no pun intended).

MyDressHasPockets · 14/10/2018 01:38

@Powerless why would it make me uncomfortable? They are breasts, they are part of me, and they are pretty fucking amazing. They fed and nourished a little human. My DS doesn't think of them in a sexual way and I doubt that will change when he is older.

Ds is 7 and still sees them as I am relaxed about nudity between us. We often change in the same room and he will often chat with me while I am in the shower (or sitting on the loo, I have no privacy).

TigerTooth · 14/10/2018 01:43

I presume this is in a restaurant?
Why cant you just sling a square of muslin over? You should feed your baby at the table but I can't see why on such occasions you couldn't just have a light cover so that everyone is comfortable. Yes, your comfort and that of baby matter but so do the feelings of others and if this makes them uncomfortable, even if you don't understand why, then you could ease the situation so simply.
Of course I'll be attacked for suggesting such a thing but you are making an issue when there doesn't need to be one.

LaurieMarlow · 14/10/2018 01:47

I think breastfeeding at a table whilst eating is probably poor etiquette

Poor etiquette? Hmm

Is that supposed to be a joke?

Baby's don't read etiquette manuals. They are hungry when they're hungry. Why would you do anything other than feed them?

Also the OP is 2 weeks post partum. Very few women would have an expressIng regime up and running at that stage. That would be assuming there is a need to express, which there isn't.

LaurieMarlow · 14/10/2018 01:49

tiger the OP'a baby doesn't like a muslin over their head and screams.

And she's not the one 'making an issue' Hmm

smotheroffive · 14/10/2018 02:05

Do you know that while you discuss this another woman, and maybe her.children, will be killed by an abusive man

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2018 03:36

You don't have to go to the toilet but could move away, feed before the meal or express with a pump. These are things i did and it worked well.

Ah so you did it so everyone else should?

No fucking wonder women are shy about breastfeeding in public with threads like this. You'd bottle feed at the table, everyone else is eating at the table. It's fine!!

LaurieMarlow · 14/10/2018 04:15

smother did you mean to post on another thread? What's the relevance of your comment to the discussion in hand?

penisbeakers · 14/10/2018 04:59

I wouldn't go - or I'd tell them you're feeding your baby at the table and they will just have to accept it.

reallyreallynow · 14/10/2018 05:54

@TigerTooth these feelings of others, what are they and why do they felt them? It's madness to feel anything about a breastfeeding mother!

Brownboots · 14/10/2018 06:45

@Powerless for fuck's sake, really?

Your son is likely to remember what your breasts look like when he's an adult man. Does that not make you at all uncomfortable? Genuine question?

The prize for most ridiculous objection to breastfeeding goes to you. You've even beaten the comment regarding children's services knocking on the door. Congratulations.

reallyreallynow · 14/10/2018 06:49

@Powerless no it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable that my son saw my breasts!! I don't suppose he ever thinks about it, why would he?

That's a seriously weird comment!

FruminousBandersnatch · 14/10/2018 07:27

“Your son is likely to remember what your breasts look like when he's an adult man. Does that not make you at all uncomfortable?”

😲😂

Just when you think you’ve heard it all on here. That is absolutely batshit crazy.

Bibijayne · 14/10/2018 07:55

OP, if you want to go (I wouldn't because they don't sound very nice!) Feed your baby a stout feel fit and comfortable.

I'm EBFing my 8-week-old. If I'm out and he wants food, I find somewhere to sit (he's too small and wriggling to feed standing up!) and feed him. I don't cover up - 1) why should I? I'm just feeding my baby. And 2) he doesn't like it.

Quite frankly, lots of people don't notice at all. Far Ng about with covers is way more conspicuous IMO, though if people prefer that for themselves cool.

If I stayed in and only BFed at home nothing would get done. I have a hungry, clusterfeeding baby who is making up for being just over three weeks early by boob munching at every opportunity.

I've been lucky though, I've had no negative comments or experiences whilst BFing in public so far. In fact quite the opposite (lots of helpful, kinds and supportive comments from both mums and dads).

This includes shipping them out at the passport office, at the checkout as ASDA, the local park, and numerous restaurants and shops.

ISaySteadyOn · 14/10/2018 07:56

If my DS and other pp's DSes remember my breasts, I imagine that it will be as a source of food when they were babies which, if anything, might make them supportive of their future partners bfing. That's a good outcome.
OP, go and feed your baby when she's hungry. And keep in mind this line from Libby Purves: Screaming or feeding squire? You choose.

Bibijayne · 14/10/2018 08:01

@TAMS71

TBF, no cover is going to hide my boobs. I'm wearing a 34 L, because they don't make a bigger cup size in clipped nursing bras. My 8-week-old baby is pretty small and squirmy (he was born at 36+6) so you can see pretty much my whole boob whilst BFing. That's just how it is. It's natural, my baby needs food, he gets food. Your hangups are your hangups not mine of other BFing mums.

Bibijayne · 14/10/2018 08:03

@sola82

I'm sorry you've been made to feel that way. If it helps, the views on this thread are not always reflected in the real world. You and your baby shouldn't be bullied into hiding by ignorant people.

Alittlebitofthis · 14/10/2018 08:33

I never bf although did try.

I wouldn't think twice about someone bf at a table. If it bothers anyone then that's on them.

I hope you enjoy your meal and you don't overthink your families comments.

Whyyounoeatmypie · 14/10/2018 08:39

Hope it goes OK today and rrally sorry your family are so unsupportive. Just for future reference, if you want an alternative to a cover you can get one of these slings: www.babaslings.com/. It goes over one shoulder and across your body kinda like a satchel, so your baby can lie down and feed in the normal position but no one sees anything and (bonus) you get 2 hands to eat your tea.

Someone might have mentioned it already but I couldn't see anything about it upthread...

GunpowderGelatine · 14/10/2018 08:48

Your son is likely to remember what your breasts look like when he's an adult man. Does that not make you at all uncomfortable? Genuine question?

Hilarious!

Imagine being worried that a male child may grow int an adult and have non-sexual memories about breasts.

I hope my own DS will remember what my milky veiny spaniel's eats will look like when he's older so that he remember what breasts are for and doesn't have an unrealistic porn-ified view of breasts

GunpowderGelatine · 14/10/2018 08:50

Of course I'll be attacked for suggesting such a thing but you are making an issue when there doesn't need to be one

@TigerTooth can you not see the irony in saying that the OP is the one making the issue about breasts, when all she wants to do is use them for their purpose and other people are trying to enforce their warped views of 'tits' onto her?